Letters From Camp

A Year Ago Today (part 2 "Fear the Lord")

2012-02-17T13:51:00.006-08:00

A year ago...

I worked in a redwood forest.
I had my faith shaken in the ministry I was working for.
I found out that Howard's doesn't serve dinner.
I was asked my favorite question that I have ever been asked.

today...
I live, work, and attend seminary in Chicago.
I played "21" instead of a full game, because only two other people showed up for ball this morning.
I left early because we finished early...
..I met a man who need $6 for his child's medicine (I only had a $20 so that is what I gave him). I don't know what his need truly was, but it doesn't matter.
I sit in the office at CCP (The Church where I serve as Children's Ministry Intern).

I wonder today, what I wondered a year ago.
When will it end? When will the truth be exposed and I be found out to be a fraud?

I wonder if I have the strength to change.
I wonder how different I really am. I wonder if I am different, but not for the better.

Fear Not, the angel said to Joshua.
Fear Not the angel said to Mary.
Fear Not the angel said to the Shepherds.

But they were those who God had picked to lead, to bear, to witness what He was about to do, because of who they were, because of their faithfulness.

Feat Not the angel said to Gideon.

Fear Not the holy messenger said to the man hiding in a wine press. Fear Not, though the number of men who will fight with you is cut in half, and then cut in half again, and then cut again. Fear Not though you come at the problem with flashlights and Tupperware.

Fear Not though the only thing you have to trust in is God Almighty. Fear Not.

Lord,
I have nothing to give. Except my surrender. And yet I hold on. And yet I fear.

Today I remember when I thought I had it all. Today I want instead of you, I want my control back.

You stand before me and you say "Fear Not.' You remind me that the battle is not mine and never was.

I have seen you work in my life time and time again.
Yet like the nation who cried to you for deliverance,
the nation who gave you honor until they had been given comfort,
the nation who asked for kings that they could see;

I balk, I forget, I fret, I sin, I shutter at the light, I fear.

Yet while the light exposes the filth that fills my life, the light also purifies the stain.

You never leave us where you find us.
You always have an answer.
The answer is always the blood of your son.
The answer is always your perfect love.

Your perfect love...

...that drives out fear.

But you don't have to take my word for it....

2012-02-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

(...insert Reading Rainbow "da-na-na" music cue)

So I have thought about writing an autobiography. And while I still may do that some day, I found out that Phil Vischer (Creator of VeggieTales) as already written my autobiography for me.

Okay, he wrote his autobiography. And while I didn't create or loose a major company that produced direct to VHS Bible stories staring anthropomorphic vegetables; there are some major thematic similarities between Phil's life and mine.

In fact if you swap out the word divorce for leukemia and Walt Disney for Jim Henson you pretty much have my story.

Phil even had a studio on Foster Ave. in Chicago (where school is and where my apt was last semester).

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

the edge of epiphany

2012-01-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

I had this great and lofty goal.

I was going to sit down and tell you all the tales of January.

There was one about beginnings and acceptances (and blunderbusses) underscored by Dr. Who at the Mc Mullens.

There was a mini-adventure in the airport, and an object lesson about waiting.

There was the story of legendary Post-Christmas Gift Exchange Party that I got myself invited to.

There were everyday tales about my life, and new apartment, classes, and friends old and new.

There was half a blog about Phil Vischer's story and how it kinda echos mine.

Yet when I sat down to write, I felt empty. I feel empty like no one would care to hear my mundane little stories. That they wouldn't help you grow or understand God. So why bother.

Now I hear the protests and the complaints. I hear the reassurances of my worth and of your interest in my tales. But I'm just here to put down my thoughts, and these are them.

But here is the thing. I feel something more.

Something just out of reach. There is a wholeness and a healing for what is broken inside.

I can't grasp it yet. I can't even see it yet. But I know that it is there.

I know it will come through classes and council, friends and strangers. It will come as I sit and listen, it will come as I get up and do. It will come from above.

So I sit here on the edge of epiphany.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

For my own amusment

2012-01-02T22:24:00.001-08:00

So I have been at LAX fro roughly 12 hours now. I am flying standby. I am not complaining. I was able to get a friends and family ticket super cheap. That allowed me to go home and see friends and family. It allowed me to start 2012 in the place I began 2011. It allowed me time to reflect on 2011 its ups and downs, and to begin to embrace the change of that year and the challenges of this coming year. There is a blog or two in all of that.

But for now I am simply writing a blog for my own amusement. The next flight to Chicago doesn't leave for another 30 minutes, and I need to keep myself occupied in that time cause I have been here-as I said for 12 hours, and am getting quite bored.

Here is a list of some things to bring with you when you might have to spend more than 10 hours in an airport. Not just what you needs for a 10 hour day by yourself, but what you might want for ten hours in an airport.

In no particular order:

#1 Noise cancelling headphones
The ambient noise changes just enough that it is really hard to block it all the way out. I have a Bible, a computer, and a year of growth and change to process and I couldn't find a place where I could hear myself think.

#2 A really good book. Not the new book you are trying out, not a text book to get ahead in your reading. That book that takes you away. That book you can read a 1,000 times and its still new. I wish I had one (or more of those now.) I could really use a portal to Narnia

#3 Snacks-or a gift card to Mc Donalds

#4 If you are a video junkie, Music and Movies-along with those noise cancelling headphones.

#5 Journal/sketch pad/camera

#6 A single lightly packed carry on. Seriously, check the rest of it. You don't want to be lugging around multiple bags all day

#7 Comfy shoes and a pair of clean socks.

#8 a toothbrush and deodorant

#9 Layers

#10 A traveling buddy

#11 a since of the moment, an ability to reflect on the past, the ability to be "alone" in a crowd

#12 a time piece

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

The Muppets speak truth

2011-12-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

A month ago I wrote a blog entitled "The Muppet are Liars"

It came for a place of beginning to heal from some past hurts. It came from a place of loving the Muppets but knowing that life is not like a movie, much less one we write.

Even, as I wrote the blog, I knew there was a part two. While the opening number of the new Muppet movie conveniently entitled "The Muppets" starts with a song that could easily be interpreted as one about needing others by your side and life being grand when this is the case, the film's ending speaks of community, acceptance, and being stronger as a whole than as individual (even paired individual) pieces.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE MUPPETS
(you have been warned-cause apparently spoiler warning are good etiquette here on the interwebs).

Act II of the Muppets ends with a song entitled "Man or Muppet." The two main characters must decide what they want most in life and then choose to pursue it. I first saw this film in August, less than a week before leaving for Chicago to pursue what I want most in life.

A new Muppet named Walter is told that he believes in other people, but that is the easy thing. Walter is admonished that eventually he will have to believe in himself. Now without getting into the idea that we are all okay and can make our dreams come true (I am looking at you Muppet Babies). There is the fact that if we believe that we can't do anything, than we won't.

In the middle of Act III The Muppets, despite kidnapping Jack Black as celebrity guest host for their theatre saving telethon, loose their theatre and the Muppet name due to a maguffan of a clause in their 1979 Rich and Famous Contract.

At the films denouement, Kermit gives an impassioned speech about how it was not the name or the building that made the Muppets special. By letting all of them that he believes in them, Kermit lets all of his cast-mates and friends know that they are a like a family to him,

The finale has the entire Muppet cast sing a reprise of the "Happy Song" that began our film. Now instead of a a focus on family (Gary and Walter) or couples in love (Gary and Mary), the song takes on new significance of community. The Muppets are what I like to call "found family." They are more than mere friends, they are family. Their are roles of leadership and roles of support. Those in leadership look to allow everyone to find their voice. Believing in each other, believing in self, and becoming what they want to be are all important focuses of the Muppets as their found family.

Now where in ourselves should we look? Some will say to God in us, or to ourselves, or even the god in us. This particular blog post is not about the answer to that question (I'm sure everyone here knows my answer).

This blog post is to say that in a time where I am learning to follow my passions and believe in my worth, I am eternally grateful for the community that surrounds me here at North Park Seminary. Listening ears, open hearts, acceptance, encouragement, a hot dish brought to potluck, a game of pick up basketball, or even a smile. All of you have upheld me this semester. Thank you so much.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

A Year Ago Today

2011-12-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

Today I sit in a Caribou Coffee, wearing my new (thanks to my church's generosity) blue fleece and listening to the sounds of the customers blend with the pop/semi-acoustic/coffee house stylings of music carried by the PA system; looking out over an overcast December sky in Illinois.

A Year Ago I sat in a coffee shop/restaurant in South Africa listening to the testimonies of Merv and the other South African Men on the team speak of the impact I was having on the children of that country; looking out over the interior of an upscale mall a world from home.

My mind has wandered back to South Africa several times in the last few weeks. The contrasts are striking.

Today-cold and overcast
A Year Ago-hot and clear

Today-Miles with no topography
A Year Ago-Table Mountain always in the backdrop

Days full of activities and people
Days full of books and computer screens

Learning through service
Learning through lecture

A Year Ago- Confident in who I was but unsure of how to move forward
Today-Confident I am on a path, but unsure of who I am

A Year Ago-moving forward, learning, growing, healing, confidence
Today-stillness, learning, stretching, refining, questions

A Year Ago I wrote in my journal about being on a hero's quest.

Last November I did brave things. I flew across the globe, made sandwiches, played games, sang songs, changed lives.

Last August I did a brave thing. I flew across the country (okay, only half way, but I am trying to construct parallels here). I have made friends and memories, played games and sang songs. But now it is my life that is changing.

I feel like the journey has halted. But it hasn't, the movement has simply stopped. However, in any good story, especially a quest, there is time to stop and survey, time to stop and struggle, a time to wrestle and overcome.

A Year Ago God assured me that I was made for a purpose. He reminded me that he wanted my availability.

Today God is teaching me that he wishes to remake me into his image. He is reminding me that what he needs is my availability.

Both are for the same purpose. That purpose is to bring all Glory to God.

A Year Ago I knew what but not how.
Today I am learning the how, and praying for the strength to pay its cost, knowing the what still lies ahead ...

...on this ever onward hero's quest.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Ink on Paper

2011-11-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to title this entry Ink on Paper, and while I guess I did, I really wish it was more accurate.

Way back in August, when the grass was still green and the air was still clean I the Oncler, no wait wrong story.

Way back in August I went into our Field Education office looking for a local Children's Ministry to volunteer in. I was hoping to maybe find a place that needed a Sunday School Teacher once a month. I was given the name of a church that is .8 miles from campus.

I emailed and then met with the Pastor of this church. His first question to me was "What do you want out of an internship?" I believe my response was something along the line of "whahuh?"

Lost in translation between myself and the filed ed office was that this church was looking for a part time intern to help out their Children's Ministry. In the last two and half months I have been helping with both hours of Sunday School and been discussing with the Children's Ministry Director and the Pastor what an internship would look like based on their needs and my abilities (and also based on their abilities and my needs).

I haven't written about this opportunity yet, because I wanted to the ink of the contract to be dry before I did. I didn't want to jump the gun or speak out of turn.

Friday I went in and met with the Pastor (Charles, aka Pastor C, aka "just" Pastor) and reviewed the contract-that is really a covenant- and discussed salary-which is really a stipend and housing. There is a 2-flat (apartment for those of you on the West Coast) above the church office (which is next door to the church building) that they use for interns that I will be moving into in January.

That's right I am now "employed" by a church.

It is a Presbyterian Church with a predominately Japanese congregation of about 200. There are roughly 20 elementary students who make up the Children's Ministry.

The covenant is drawn up, I have approved it, the church board has approved it, I just haven't signed it, because it wasn't printed out last Sunday (granted we had communion, baptism, new member reception, and a son of the church announcing he has been called to a church in New York as their new pastor-so there were some other things going on as well). Thus I have the job I just haven't put ink on paper yet.

My role will be to help with the Sunday School hours, help at camp, VBS, etc, as well as work on curriculum development. These are really bright kids and we want to be intentional about what and how we are teaching and disciplining them.

While I will still have to take out loans to cover tuition for the rest of my time here, finding a job that covers housing will allow me to stay in Chicago and at North Park.

Two years ago I was sitting in the back of a Jeep listening to "Video Killed the Radio Star" as myself and three other naturalist drove the trials at night (and by that I mean we have never taken personal vehicles off-roading at ARCG). My thought, which I spoke aloud, was "If you had told me five years ago that I would be off-roading at a camp where I work as I listen to "Video Killed the Radio Star" I would have never believed you."

Now I am sitting in the library at seminary in Chicago about to become an intern for Japanese Presbyterian Children's Ministry. Five years or five months ago, if anyone had told me that I would never have believed them.

This is just one example of how God has surprised me and provided for me during my time here at North Park.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

And that is just the physical needs.

The work that God is beginning on who I am. I don't even have the words for that (shocking I know).

The Muppets are liars!

2011-11-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

It kills me to say this, but the Muppets are liars.

Let me back up a little.

My senior year of college was marked with some pretty melancholy moments. I know its not terribly unique to feel this way in your early 20s. Heartbreak and confusion of what the future would hold could hang pretty heavy in my dorm room that year. My roomate and I even had this unspoken contest as to who could pin the most depressing song lyrics on our walls. It got pretty ridiculous, until one day I decided to go another route.

I put up the lyrics to a song from the Muppet Movie. The song is entitled "I Hope that Somethi' Better Comes Along." It is an upbeat little number sung by a frog and dog bemoaning the difficulties of relationships. For me that was the ray of optimism (and absurdity) that broke through the clouds of our little self centered world.

As the years passed, graduation, jobs, new lives, and marriages for my college friends all took place. On the card for my college roomate at his weeding, I wrote the line"I am glad your something better came along."

Here I am nearly twelve years later. And melancholy is a pretty easy mode to slip into.

The link above is from the newest Muppet film (debuting Nov 23). One of the lyrics states, "Life's a happy song, when you have someone by your side to sing along." I can do several things with this lyric. I can bemoan that fact that I am alone (I'm not, but I am certainty not living the story I had envisioned I would be twelve years out of undergraduate school.). I can focus on the community that is around me (which I am trying so very hard to do. I always assume that no one wants to deal with my stuff, should have to deal with my stuff, or simply has there own stuff to deal with). Or I can do something completely else.

I cam realize that the Muppets are liars.

In the same movie where the frog and the dog sing of the woes caused by inter-species relationships, there is a much more famous song, "The Rainbow Connection." It is the song that opens the film. The Muppet Movie ends with what is essentially the second stanza of "The Rainbow Connection" known as the "Magic Store."

"The Magic Store" begins with these words "Life is a story. Write your own ending."

Part of me wishes that sentiment was true. I would love to take pen to paper and make my wishes and dreams come true. However, the wiser part of me knows that we do not write our own endings. God does. God is the author of this hero's journey I am on.

I can do many things as I look at the story of my life. I can look too far too deeply into the past and become stuck there unable to be effective here and now. I can do the same with the future.

But in this story it is the author who is omniscient and not I. I do not know what the future holds and honestly barely understand what the present holds.

I do not know why registration is such a difficult task for me to understand, or why my radiator hates me, I do not know why the school work can seem overwhelming at times.

I don't know when my something better may come along, I don't get to write my own ending.

But even without knowing those things, there is something I can do. I can be obedient.

I know one thing. And I am relatively sure of one thing.

God has made me to be a Children's Pastor. That is my call, that is my vocation, that is my core, that is my true self. I am relatively sure that North Park is the road to accomplishing becoming a Children's Pastor.

And so I push on. I obey. I do what I can to move through this course of education, and trust to God for the rest.

So my life can indeed be a happy song. Because I trust not in the plans I have, or in the ending I would write. I trust instead in the God who said these words.

"I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11.

The Muppets may be liars. But my God is not. So for now, for today, I will hold onto His plan and trust in His ending.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

God is amazing.

2011-11-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

God is amazing.

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking of a clever title for my blog. Today I am just going to cut to the chase. God is amazing. Below is one chapter from my story that reminds me how amazing God is, how unthinkable it is that He would use me to let others know how amazing He is.

Seminary is hard. I tend to have one or two responses to this (after the sheer panic), fight or flight. Some days the challenge of the work and the pressing needs of life and Spiritual growth drive me to buckle down, dive in, fly right, and many other clichéd sayings to get the work done. I “fight.” I rise to the challenge (As and Bs thus far, thankyouverymuch.)

Others days see me in full flight mode. Overwhelmed by the amount of work to do (whether it be in the classroom or wrestling with God as he shapes me into a new person) I run. I dive not into books but into media. It could be online vids, playing chess against the computer, watching old episodes of the Muppets, or even simply sleep. Sunday evening was a time of flight.

When I run, somehow the free time I have is eaten away and suddenly then it’s time for bed. By now I am so engrossed in learning about the impeding Muppets appearance on WWE (which actually happened) or simply determined to beat the computer in a game of chess (I think my win percent is like 8%, and even that doesn’t count the dozens of games I have quit in the middle of facing the inevitable checkmate of the PC.) that I push back a half hour of sleep for a half hour of play. Then it’s “one more vid” “one more game.” Before I know it is 1:00am and Chapel starts in 7 and half hours.

That was Sunday night. The spiral of sloth and avoidance led not to rest but self-destruction. But I figured Monday (Halloween) would be a good day. Monday means costumes and candy, and more importantly it means opening up the church and allowing the neighborhood to come enjoy costumes and candy, as well as games and the Gospel. I was sharing the Good News of Christ that night, and I was going to use the analogy of a Jack-O-Lantern to do so. (Think of the analogy that comes from II Cor 5:17 about new creations that you have heard about butterflies, and sub in pumpkin to Jack-O-Lantern.) I knew that I needed a Jack-O-Lantern prepped and ready to go before Monday.

The Tuesday before a friend and myself spent the evening carving Jack-O-Lanterns. I put mine out back so that it wouldn’t rot. The squirrels (which there are plenty of around these parts) got to my Pumpkin and nibbled at the eye sockets. An easy enough fix, but I decided to bring the Lantern in to avoid any other potential damage caused by hungry rodents.

Before we continue a little background is necessary. I have lived in several places, and while they were all in California several of them experienced cold weather (not Midwest cold, but still cold). I have lived in houses that have been heated by stoves, fireplaces, and central heat. My apartment in Chicago has something I haven’t used before, a radiator. It seems like a simple enough device to work, and yet the thing confounds me. It turns on at random times (the middle of the night, when I am at class). I have turned the valve to the off position and still the thing comes on. Monday night as I sat in the living room wasting my time, the radiator sprang to life (and when I say sprang it gurgled and hissed and clunked its way into action). I went over and turned it off. It stopped producing heat and it stopped making noise. It stayed in this state as I spent my evening watching the special features on the Captain America DVD.

Now back to our story…

I woke up on Monday morning at exactly 9:30am, the time that chapel starts. I was discouraged that I had missed an opportunity for learning and community. However, I was not dissuaded. I had homework to do before class, then a lovely evening of sharing how amazing my God is.

As I left the bedroom I heard the hiss of my radiator. I swear the thing doesn’t like me. Because not only was it on, it was on full tilt and it was actually hot in my apartment. I went into the kitchen to check on my Jack-O-Lantern. It had melted. Sure the scientific term would be rotted, but it looked like a deflated balloon. A giant orange balloon that was leaking on my kitchen floor. The Jack-O-Lantern was taken to the compost pile behind the apartments, the floor was cleaned, and I like the once might Lantern was deflated and defeated. I grabbed my computer and sank back into my online world.

Fortunately, my online world also holds many of the people of my present community. I received two offers to help me carve a new pumpkin. But I made the excuse of time to both. I didn’t want to be in community just then. I was lazy and slothful, I clearly can’t work a radiator, my visual aid is now useless, and all this means that God can’t use me (It doesn’t but that was my mindset).

So I sat and pouted and prayed. I prayed that despite my rotten pumpkin and my sour attitude that God would use me to make himself known that night at church.

I went to class. My Monday class is actually a small group where we are sharing in each other’s lives through the weekly telling of small bits of our stories centered around a theme. Today’s theme was Transition. I shared, but not much. I couldn’t find the words (shocking I know). I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be in seminary, I felt that clearly I was failing in effective ministry, I felt like I was out of place.

The church I attend is a little less than a mile from campus. As I walked to the Harvest Festival I prayed once again that God would use me despite myself.

I had enough time to use one of the “before” pumpkins that were at the church to turn it into a new Jack-0-Lantern. So now things were set. Now that I had my object I could teach my lesson.

I honestly thought that God would use me only in spite of myself. But He didn’t. He used me. He used my gifts and abilities to teach the Gospel. He used my love of stories to explain how amazing He is.

There was one girl that came to story time twice. She asked questions both times. I don’t know how my answers will be used in her story as God calls her to know and love Him. I am not so vain to think that without her encounter with me, God would be lacking in resources to draw her unto himself. But I do know this. God used me when I didn’t think I could be used, when I assumed that I shouldn’t be used.

Why? Because God is amazing.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau

my visual aids for learning the Gospel's characteristics

2011-11-02T12:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes inspiration hits and you get distracted with pointless projects.

Below are the visual representations I will be using to help me remember the characteristics of the Gospels:

Matthew
Teacher/Collector

Discourses/The Church

Mark
Action

Conflict/Fear
Problematic ending

Luke
Volume One of Two

Concern for the poor

John
Unique

wordplay/irony
misunderstanding
God as Father

And now back to work....

Worry

2011-10-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

Recently I had to write a paper about a passage from Matthew. I chose Matthew 6:25-34

It speaks to where I am right now (or at least some of where I am. I swear that God is working on like every corner of my life all at once. It is a tad exhausting.

Presented below is said paper:

Throughout the book of Matthew we see the portrait of Jesus as one who combats the teachings of the leaders and rulers of His day. It is tempting to assume that Jesus’ words are for the original hearers, and only for them. But the book goes deeper than that. Jesus’ words don’t merely challenge the established rules and order of the religion of that day, they go further, or more correctly, they go deeper. Jesus is not concerned merely about appearances, but about the heart of the issue. Time and a time again Jesus calls the hearers of His words to examine their motives.

One topic of Jesus’ teaching that Matthew records is on worry. It is this topic I find myself being called to stop and spend time on, specifically Chapter 6:25-34.

I hate the unknown. I hate lack of control. I don’t trust in what I cannot see. I don’t trust in what I do not know. In short, I worry. I worry that I have followed the wrong course. I worry that I am not the smartest person in the room. I worry that I will not be able to pay for school. I worry that I won’t have enough money to buy groceries. I worry that I will have to leave North Park. I worry that I am not strong enough in character, resources, or intelligence to whether this first year of seminary. I worry that God hasn’t call me here, hasn’t called me into ministry. I worry that I have no use and no purpose, that I have no goal. I worry and I worry and I worry. Why do I worry?

I worry because I think I can do everything my own. I think that I have control. I don’t want to give control to God. I want to be the center and the strength of my own life. I want to be good enough and smart enough, and I want people to like me. I think that life isn’t easy, and that I don’t have resources to beat it. When I look at life in this way, rather than giving control to the One who does have resources, I hang on to my misperceptions, and I worry.

What did Jesus teach on the topic of worry? He addresses the issue in Matthew 6:25-34.

Verse twenty-five gives a straightforward command, Do not worry. This is one of the most important things to know and practice. Yet is one of the hardest things to do. And what in this passage does Christ ask us to not worry about? He asks we not fret over our life, our food, our body; temporal things, things that won’t last. These are things that in light of the eternal we know not to matter. If you were to ask me what is better, to know God or to know comfort, I would tell you that it is better by far to know God. There is nothing I would trade for my knowledge of God, to know of his love and care for me. And yet I worry. I worry not about the eternal questions, I worry about the temporal. I worry that I won’t have enough to eat well, to dress nicely. I worry that I won’t be comfortable.

I bring these things to God and often walk away with a false humility. I paint this picture for myself; one of needing to suffer, of pleasing God by not having. I assume that since Christ said we are not to worry about the temporal side of life that the Christian life is about not having these things. I assume that the Christian life is about being uncomfortable. I build the illusion that I can please God based on what I give up. However, Christ doesn’t stop with a simple admonition not to worry.
In verse twenty-six Christ speaks of why we are not to worry. Jesus uses the illustration of birds. They do not toil for their food, yet God provides. They do not go without, and they do not provide for themselves, but it is God that cares for them. And if God meets the needs of the birds of the air, why would he not provide for us? The birds are provided for, Jesus says and they have little value when compared to humans. So, if God provides for the lesser, he will provide for we who are much more valuable.

Christ then addresses the futility of worry. For by it we accomplish nothing but worry itself. It is difficult in the modern era to grasp the idea of a God who provides food. If you depend upon crops to grow in order to provide your food, then the connection between the provision of God and the fullness of your belly is clear. It is God who brings the rain. It is God who provides.

Sometimes I whine and complain that I am not a farmer. I have to work. I have to get money and go to a store to buy my food. Under this economy I presume that the provision of God is different than it was when Jesus spoke these words. I believe that I have to provide for myself. Maybe God will give me work, but I have to be smart enough and skilled enough, lucky enough and connected enough to keep the job. I think that I have to do in order to enact God’s blessing, to enact God’s provision. But look back at verse twenty-six, why does he care for the birds? Because they are a part of the food web that God provides for? Because they are a part of system that God has set to run? No. Mathew 6:26 states that God cares for them. The verse continues on and points out that God cares for me to an even greater degree. So if my provision is not a matter of rain or drought, but is dependent on God’s care for me, then the only thing I truly lack are excuses and reasons to worry.

If we were to stop here we would see that God cares for me and will provide my food, but that is all He will provide. Just the basics, my happiness, my joys, my passions those are mine to pursue on their own. I can worry about how I dress and how I present myself to the world in that way. I can have control here. Surely, God is not interested in this area.

As we see in verses twenty-eight to thirty, Jesus speaks even to clothing. God provides for the sparrows, because he cares for all of His creation. Yet he also clothes the fields that are here today and gone tomorrow. If God provides for such a passing thing, surely he will clothe me as well.

In verses thirty-one to thirty-three, Jesus tells us it the pagans who worry, it is they that run after food and clothing. I find myself struck by these words. Surely, it is the godly that worry, the godly who have concern in this world. The pagans simply live without care. But the words of Jesus tell us otherwise. The pagans run and fret. Those that have learned to sit at Jesus’ feet need not do this. God does not lack the ability or the will to provide. As we have already seen, God knows what we need, he cares for his Creation, and he cares for us as well. Worry then is truly in vain, because it is unfounded.

I find the truth of God’s care to placate so much of my worry. However, I still find I do indeed worry. Removing worry from our life is not as simple as having a right focus. We must have something to replace the worry. Jesus addresses this in verses thirty-three and thirty-four. The remedy should be obvious. The remedy is to seek not my needs. The remedy is to seek God. If I look first for God to provide my needs, I am still focused on, still worried about the temporal. I have simply moved the worry of “can I provide?” to “can God provide?” or at best to “when will God provide?” But this is not the call that Jesus has for us. He calls us to seek first the kingdom of God. He calls us to put our focus not on the provision of Go, but to focus on the kingdom of God. He calls us not to fret, not to run after things, but instead to run to God.

Thus far, Jesus has told us we do not need to worry about temporal things. He has commanded us to seek first the Kingdom of God. In verse thirty-four Jesus presents a final admonition against worry. He tells us not to worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow represents the future. It speaks to the unknown. As mentioned earlier this is an area where I struggle. I can trust that God can and will provide for me. I can find peace in the moment. Yet, when I think to the future, when I think to the unknown, I begin to fret. I begin to worry. Jesus by commanding us to not worry about the future, reminds us that that too is in His control. The birds will be fed tomorrow. The grass will be clothed tomorrow. And I will be cared for tomorrow. I need not worry. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

What has my time spent in Matthew taught me? What I have I learned that I can apply to my daily life? This is best answered by I how I would now summarize what Jesus says about worry.

He says not to. Flat out, no questions asked, stop doing it. You don’t need to worry, Jesus reassures us, because I have your back. You don’t need to worry because I have the birds, the flowers, tomorrow all in my control. And those are just things, fragile and fleeting. But you, my beloved, you I have created. You I love, you I have taken special care of. You I want nothing but good things for. You I will guide and help. You I have called.

But you need to stop worrying. You need to realize that you don’t have control, but that I do. More importantly you need to realize that I have you. I will protect you. I will guide you. I will provide for you. Look to me and not yourself. Look to me and not the things of this world.

Seek my kingdom, and worry not.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

middles

2011-09-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

There is a ton that I have been learning and doing these days. But I haven’t written cause I was comparing my life to other bogs. I have no commitments to bathe more, no dreams of Romanian squirrels, no adventures picking blackberries among the giants. But then I remembered why I started this blog.

Once again I find myself quite a ways from those I love and those who love me. And apparently you all wanna know what’s going on with me in this new adventure. And since keeping those that are far away updated with my life is the reason I started this blog low those many years ago, here we go with some scattershot snippets of life in Chicago.

I am living in a one bedroom apartment. It is great in the mornings as my routine and noise don’t disturb anyone and the only thing I have to concentrate on is getting out the door in time for class or chapel.

Chapel is Mondays and Thursdays which are the days that I have 1pm classes. So not only do they serve to build community and learning, they server to get me out of the house before noon.

Tuesday and Wednesday I have 8am classes (Thursday I also have a 3pm class and a 6:30pm class).

So far classes are good. Tons of reading, which isn’t my strength, but it needs to get done, so it does.

Coming home in the evenings is harder, as there isn’t forced community going on. As much as living in community at ARCG was a struggle at times, there was nothing better than coming home to a movie or a game of Quelf already in progress. So I have to go and find community. I have to ask to hang out, I have to be vulnerable, I have to go and seek out the awesome people that I am surrounded by. (prayer request number one=that I would be intentional about seeking out community)

Thursdays are my longest day. After classes end at 9pm, there is a Vespers service. For those of you who went to Simpson think Worship Jam. For those of you who didn’t think an hour of worship through music with undergrad and seminary students alike.
Last Thursday was particularly impactful.

That afternoon I sat in class and took notes on the difference doctrines of Christ. We learned of the 3rd-5th century debates where various Church Fathers veered to far left or right when defining either the humanity or the divinity of Christ. Doctrinal disagreements leading to arguments, papers written, councils called, bar songs being written, excommunication of the other side enacted by both parties, and official positions being taken.

It is easy to sit and laugh at the early church (forgetting we do much the same today) for their fighting, for their obvious faults in logic and Biblical understanding, and forget that they were defining and shaping the faith that we have today. That night at Vespers, we sang about Christ, who He is and His work in our lives. It was wonderful to worship my God in spirit and in truth, to worship in the classroom and in the chapel. To know that sound theology lies behind the lyrics and that the lyrics help to teach and define the theology.

That morning I had a conversation with a close friend about how God was digging into my life to redefine my identity, and the specific areas where I was still holding on to it. That evening we also sang songs about God’s goodness. Songs about God’s unfailing love. (prayer request number 2, that I will let go and let God. That my identity will be found solely in him.)

I have found a tiny (by CA standards) Presbyterian Church less than a mile north of campus. It is a congregation of two hundred that is predominately Japanese. They need help in their Children’s Ministry department. If all continues to go forward I will be taking a (paying no less) internship with them starting in January. (request number three, that this internship will meet my financial needs so that I can continue to stay at North Park.)

Found a couple of grocery stores within walking distance. One is largely Middle Eastern and the other is multi-cultural. The down side is that both charge way too much for cereal.

So the long and the short of it all is my greatest physical need is that I can’t find cheap cereal, my greatest academic woe is that reading is hard, and my great spiritual struggle is fighting God as he wants to remake me so that I trust Him more and rely not on the temporal things of this world.

I suppose life isn’t too bad. (I’ll write again after it snows.)

Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,

--Jesse Letourneau

beginnings

2011-08-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have tried to write a deep meaningful blog a couple different times this week. There are too many themes, too many thoughts, too many emotions swirl ling around for me to land on any one thing.

I can say I love it here.
I feel like this is exactly where God has me.

When I left Alliance, and even in Long Beach, there were no formal prayers commissioning me out. I think because what I learned at ARCG is only going to magnified and intensified during this season. My time before camp and my time at camp were contrasts and different seasons, now I think I am in a "same song, next verse" setting. That camp was just the baby step, just the warm up for what God is doing in me during this season of growth.

I have been tempted to stop and reflect, but I would rather just experience, just be here. With all the fears and doubts, with all the assurance and signs, with new friends and nights spent alone, all of it, just to let it be and let it sit. I don't know what it all means yet. I just know that I am in for something big. And I am all in.

If you don't yet know I have some pics up over at facebook from the neighborhood.

the rest of the album can he found here

Which reminds me I did want to report on a few bits to begin to paint a pic of where I am. There are roughly 40 first year students and just under 100 seminary students. I like like 10 feet from the library and 20 from the Seminary building. I am in a one bedroom apartment, which is nice in the morning, and can be hard in the afternoon/evenings with no one around.

I have three "real classes" Interpreting the New Testament, Identity in Ministry and History of the Church and Mission. Along with a one unit class called Spiritual Journey that is designed more to feed us than to impart further knowledge/stress on us. And another one unit called Vocational excellent, which will occur during the week long break in October.

I do have peanut butter, bread, and some cliff bars in fridge. Still figuring out money stuff, and I think when that happens I will feel freer to spend some money on me. I did go to the Mexican place on the corner. I have had their tacos and their torta, both were disappointing. I do hold out hope for the burrito which can serve as two meals for like $3 plus tip.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

It's time to light the lights

2011-08-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

It’s 7:05pm and I get a call on my cell. Not having a hands free device I let it go to voicemail. 7:10 and the familiar chime of a received message beeps from my pocket. I am already ten minutes late, so I risk the ticket and pull the phone out at the next light. A voice comes from the phone’s loud speaker telling me that if I am not there by 7:15pm I won’t be let in.

I make it to the parking lot and park my Civic. Spurred on by adrenaline, I make the two hundred yard dash to the theatre in time to receive my wristband. The dark green piece of paper I attach around my wrist ensures that I will be able to experience something that I have never been able to do before. I am about to witness a big screen viewing of my childhood heroes the Muppets.

To make the evening even more special I am about to watch not just a simple rerun of one of the classic Muppet Movies. I am about to see a sneak preview of this November's sure to be break out film, merely titled The Muppets. And from this point forward SPOILER WARNINGS are in effect. (None plot specific)

There are original songs. There are a ton of cameos (I know big surprise), and many of them go by so quickly that the old cliché of blink and you might miss them actually applies. The puppets look great. The performances are wonderful. And Walter absolutely belongs to this world.

And now for the he big question: “Was it any good?” Yes, yes it was. It was all kinds of good. Will it bring throngs of new fans into the theatres for years to come? Will it spawn television shows, guest appearances on late night television, and scores of lunch boxes, backpacks, and watches adorned with singing frogs and dancing bears? That I don’t know.

I can tell you it was definitely aimed at the adult fan. This film isn’t as much an introduction of the characters to new fans as much as it is an exercise in asking us older folks, “Remember them?” The film’s central question- Can we go back to the way things were or is it time to move on and grow up?- is a question often echoed by those in their 20s and 30s, those old enough to have childhood memories of the Muppets. Using the Muppets as the cultural icon to ask this question in allegoric form works quite well. I do have one minor quibble with the film’s central theme.

While I quite enjoyed the film, I can’t help but think that it would have been more poignant if the Muppets hadn’t been around recently. Sure it’s been decades since they have been on the big screen. (What’s that, Muppets From Space was only 12 years ago? But, we are still pretending that didn’t happen, right?) However, they have been around television and the interwebs the last few years. We really haven’t missed them; because they haven’t been gone too miss.

That being said, I am glad the Muppets are back, and look forward to seeing the film again when hits theatres in November.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

special thanks to the Kry

2011-08-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
wih a child-like heart
simply put your hope in Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days' better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me

just like a child
holding daddy's hand
don't let go of mine
you know you can't stand on your own

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days' better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Journal Entry from 8/11/11

2011-08-16T02:47:00.000-07:00

Unpacking and Packing

Several years ago I went on a mission trip to England. As our time came to a close our leader Tom spoke to us about unpacking. He noted that when we returned home we be unpacking not just our clothes and souvenirs, but our memories and lessons learned as well. Tom said that some lessons would be unpacked as soon as we got home, while others could take days and months, and some even years.

Since that trip, I have tried to look at what I am learning and how past experiences, even those years and decades past form and inform the present.

The present is a tricky thing for me. I like to look down the road. I like to know what is next. I like to plan. I want to have control.

I have sat at kitchen tables, gym floors, and airports and surrendered my control to God. Each time a baby step, a microcosm of my movement toward God.

As I write, memories and lessons of this year crash and swirl together. Trying to make sense of my past, praying to present and enjoy my time here and now, some days dreading the future-yet learning to obey-and learning to not doubt my God who has my future.

I was recently found a note in my mailbox that reminded me that, "Life is not like a movie. God writes our endings." In the same note my friend mentioned that there was pain in this year for me. There definitely was pain, but as time moves on and the present becomes the past the main grows smaller and it becomes harder to see. Lessons began to form and take its place. I have begun to unpack some of these lessons.

I am not only unpacking memories and lessons as I look back; I am trying to pack up-to store up-memories and lessons to take with me to Chicago. I am also trying to physically pack up my clothes and souvenirs to take with me to Chicago. That has not gone as planned. There is still much to do before I leave for Long Beach, and even more before I leave for Chicago. However, I am also trying to pack up some memories in my last few days to take with me. So clothes are left on shelves, but opportunities are not wasted.

DCB with PC

Wednesday night Phillip and I went to go see the David Crowder Band at the Sonoma County Fair. I didn’t know I was going to that 7:30pm show until 3:30pm that day. Merv and the Spring Hill Community Church worship band opened for DCB that night. Merv gave two of his comped tickets to me and Phillip.

The seats were in section DD. Both Phillip and I assumed that we would be rocking the nose bleed section of the outdoor venue that night. We met some other friends at the fair who had purchased their tickets online. As we walked in through the general admission gate, we were pulled aside and told that we had come in the wrong way. Our entrance was on the other side. We were escorted to the correct gate and given a new hand stamp. The seats were basically a mosh pit with chairs, and we were ten rows back from the stage. We had taken the lowly seats and been given places of honor.

This picture as silly as it may seem, reminded me of how my God is in the business of raising people up. How God desires for us to be used in ways we could never dream possible.

There were several people I knew already there. Seeing friends from work and RCC, singing and praising our heavenly Father, reminded me of the undreamed blessing I have already received from God. That night assured me that God can and will use me in Chicago.

The night reminded me that while Abraham walked (however imperfectly) in faith, he did so after God had given him a promise. Moses went to Pharaoh after receiving a promise from God. Joshua took command of the Israelites after receiving a promise from God. All of these men had limited views of how God was going to work. Their faith was in the promise of God. The promise that while they didn’t know how, they knew that he would indeed work.

I certainly do not know how God is going to work in me in Chicago but I know he will. I know this because I too have been given a promise. I have been promised that I am to work with kids. To teach them about Christ’s unfailing love for them. To teach them the promises of God.

DCB left the stage to chants of “Of one more song!” They returned and played an encore of “Here I am to worship.”

As I raised my voice, my hand, and my heart to God, that song summed up that night and this last month. As I sang I was reminded of the countless times I had proclaimed that He was my God. As I looked up at the moon filled sky, as I heard friends and strangers praising, I knew that my God was all together worthy, all together lovely- and that He has been all together wonderful to me.

I was reminded of the countless times I had sung this song before. I recalled the tables, floors and airports where I had called out to God. As the melody looped back around and the words, “Here I am to worship” came from my lips, I knew that it was not a declaration of location, but of motivation.

I have loved my time here in Northern California. However, I am no longer here to worship. My place is now in Chicago.

Under the night sky I once again surrendered my control to God. As I thought on the past and savored the present, I knew that God has undreamed blessings upon my future.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

train of thought

2011-07-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

So random tidbits,

My car battery died yesterday, hopefully that is all it is and not the alternator (getting that checked out today).

I am in Occidental for a length of time that will require only one more haircut.

Obedience is hard, but it is easier than faith.

Ping pong balls only go missing on my days off.

From the outside it is possible to see what could be, but it is not easy from the outside to see what is.

I have learned more than I thought was possible this year.

There are days I feel like I have forgotten more than was possible.

I don't think I will have closure to my time here at Alliance, because what I have learned was only the prologue for what God has for me in Chicago.

I NEVER thought I would pursue being a pastor.

I never thought I would move somewhere without a job lined up.

I don't know what state I will be in, but I know where I will be Thanksgiving weekend (at a theatre watching The Muppets).

All the plans I once held dear

I now count as loss

Hoping/Needing/Always Needing to be taken back to the cross.

I never in a million years thought that from where I was I could end up here.
I have no idea how what I thought I wanted and needed didn't come to pass, and have no idea how much better God's plan for me is.

I need to find an excuse to drive the Gator one more time.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Traveling to Egypt

2011-07-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

Abraham is often cited (and rightly so) for being a man of extraordinary faith. God told him to go, and he did. God didn't say where exactly, or how long it would take, just to go. Hebrews tells us that faith is the evidence of things not seen the assurance of things hoped for.

When I was a child I assumed this verse spoke of belief in Christ, trusting in God, and having my ticket punched for my train ride to heaven. To be sure faith in an unseen God is crucial. It is the starting point, but I am learning faith is much more than that.

Abraham wasn't given a clear destination. I have been given one. Here is the thing, I haven't been told the how. I hate not knowing the how. I hate not having control, I hate the unknown. I struggle with faith.

It is funny that I have used the word destination, as if Chicago/North Park was the end of the road. As if once I get into school, once I get a ministry of my own, then I am done growing. Then God will use me, but surely He won't stretch me any further. As if then I will have finally arrived.

When Abraham was told to go, he went. And then he hit trouble. Famine hit the land and Abe decided he needed to eat. There was food in Egypt, and so logically he went there. The problem was that Egypt was off the course. Egypt was Abe's answer to the problem not God's. Now once in Egypt, Abraham made a few other costly mistakes (that ironically enough came about due to lack of faith). I think lack of faith comes when we think we have a better answer than what God has.

The astute among you will know that I have written about destination and journeys on this blog before. You will note that I have written about being in a place of peace in allowing the journey to take precedent over just reaching the destiny. Those of you who know me well, will know that this didn't come easy, and that I am likely to have to repeat my lessons.

I had this picture of me living in a small place eating, but not eating well, getting by, and going to school. I saw this picture of the first act of a cliched small town boy moves to big city kind of story. And I was okay with that, until this job opportunity came along. Then I didn't want to suffer, I wanted the easy road, and that is the path I pursued.

I didn't get the Children's Minister position in Chicago. Which means not only was I taking pieces of the puzzle that were not yet mine and trying to fit them into the picture I wanted to make, it also means I still don't know how I am going pay for things like food and shelter. I know God can provide, my heart is just having trouble finding the faith that He will. Cause I want the control, I want to know how things are going to work.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

It's TIME to light the lights...

2011-06-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

click the link to find out why I am so excited.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

The Last Four Months Part 1 and 2

2011-05-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

So, it has been four months since I have put pen to paper. Well, it has been four months since I have blogged in a major way. So much has happened in the last four months I doubt it will all be put down here. So much has happened in the last three days, I don't yet know what it all means.

So when we last left our tale of my "heroes journey" I was back from Africa and reflecting on the lessons of that trip. Last night I found myself doing the same thing. Last night, I was reminded of God's call on my life to serve kids, to serve kids that have no one else.

On February 14, I had a discussion about our lives in Christ and how they are like a puzzle. However, we aren't always given a view of all the pieces at one time. Sometimes where you think a certain piece fits into the story isn't where it belongs at all. Sometimes you have pieces, yet you have no clue how they fit into the masterpiece God is weaving, and you just have to wait. This season was about waiting.

Sometimes you have a piece that you know fits, but you don't know where. You don't have the compliment to the piece. Sometimes you don't know how things are going to work out and you have to trust that the piece you have will connect to the rest in due time. Sometimes you have to follow the what even when you don't know the how. Sometimes you have to risk. The season was about risk.

On February 18, I went on a date with a co worker from camp. That date lead to a relationship. That relationship led to several pieces being handed to me. However, I assumed I knew where they went. I assumed that what I wanted, that the picture I would paint matched perfectly with what God had for me.

Just over eight weeks later we broke up. The pieces, the growth, the lessons, the truths, the time, the memories, the experiences, the treasure of each moment with her were all still there. Only now they looked different. They fit together differently. How they played into the picture was completely different.

I had taken risks and the end result was God letting me know that it was time once again to wait. Time to continue to be single. Time to rely on Him for who I am, rely on Him and nothing more, rely on no one else for how I see myself. Time again to wait.

In the middle of all this I was given yet another piece to my story. I was encouraged to apply to North Park Seminary in Chicago.

I am assured that I am a Children's Pastor. I simply do not yet have a church at which I serve full time. Going to North Park seemed to be the answer. Seemed to be the next step, the next piece, the next chapter. However, I have no money (well some, but compared to the cost of moving/living/and paying for school I have none).

When God calls, God provides. So I applied. I applied for the full tuition Presidential Scholarship.

I was accepted into North Park. I was denied the scholarship. So, now I am left holding pieces that don't fit together. Holding chapters with major plot holes. Holding onto fear that I will end up where I was two and half years ago. Praying to let go of fear and hold onto God. Knowing that the pieces do fit, just not in the way, just not in the time that I first thought.

This season is about waiting. This season is about risk.

Moses was called to go to Pharaoh and tell him to let the Hebrews leave Egypt. And what did Moses get for his obedience? Pharaoh mad at him, his countrymen made to work harder, and the Hebrew leaders upset with him for meddling in their affairs. If I was Moses I would be mad. I would be upset. I would be holding onto fear that maybe I imagined that flaming shrubbery, and this wasn't what God had for me.

But Moses went back. And Pharaoh said no. And Moses went back again, and Pharaoh said no. God was doing more than showing Moses about obedience and being used of God. God was dealing with Pharaoh, with the Hebrews, with Egypt, with promises made to Abraham, and with setting the tone for what would be the future of Israel. And in the end Moses and his people walked across dry land, while Pharaoh and his army did the dead man's float (Oh, baby let my people go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said Oh baby...)

I have some pieces and I don't know how they all fit. I know one is a picture of me as Children's Pastor. I know that one is not me returning here to camp. I know that one is not returning home to live on a couch and nurse my emotional wounds.

I know that I have been accepted into North Park. I know that Chicago sounds like a great city. I know that North Park had programs to work with inner city kids. I know my heart for South Africa may be met, in some small way, by working with them. I know that the piece with me as a Children's Pastor needs to be one I follow in obedience. I know that a degree can help this become a reality. God showed me North Park. He never said that it would be free. He never said that it would be easy or comfortable or only take me two years.

Waiting and Risk. But waiting in the One who fulfills His promises. Taking risks with the One who fulfills all his promises.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

The story of my first date with Emily (for those of you who care:
I entered the Spring Semester here at ARCG, with the thought that I would do my job, look for churches to serve in full time Children's ministry, and then move on. That and nothing more.

I told God that I was happy to put aside the pursuit of finding someone to date of finding "that right one", and focus on my task here at camp. Focus on pursuing full time ministry. I have been single for the vast majority of my adult life. I have been on a handfull of dates, but never "dated" anyone. I have had countless friends tell me that God would bring me the right person as soon as I stopped looking.

I can't tell you how much I hated that advice. How do you turn off the part of you that knows "it is not good for man to be alone?" How do you stop wanting community at the most intimate level? How? To be honest, I could make a big deal about how I did just that. How I trusted God and his timing. How I finally stopped looking and rested in where I was. But, here is the problem. I never actually did that.

I stopped looking, because there was nothing left to seek. I looked around at my life at camp and my life at church and there was no one there who was a compliment to who I was. There were plenty of godly women around, but none were the right one for me.

So, I told God that I could wait. What other choice did I have?

This January I met a new coworker named Emily. She grew up in a Covenant Church (which just happens to be the denomination of the church I am attending). However, I always hesitate to offer rides to church because I am there for both services and I don't want anyone to have to wait around for me. Emily doesn't mind, in fact enjoys spending time alone. I started giving her a ride to and from church on Sundays. Our friendship grew out of these times together.

Roughly a month into the Spring Semester (and yes, Daria they are semesters), my roommate and I were discussing a retreat we went on last fall, and how there was a girl there from another camp who liked me. Which of course I was completely oblivious to. Only half joking, I asked him why he didn't tell me. He asked, if I wanted him to tell me when he saw these things. I told him I did.

"Pursue Emily" was the response.

The next couple of weeks I thought and prayed about my feelings for Emily, and what I should do. All the while paying attention to her, and noticing her smiling at me when she thought I wasn't looking, and laughing at my jokes that weren't funny.

It was during this time that Scott Peterson recomened I started looking at North Park Seminary. On the ride home I was sharing with Emily about the news. Our conversation allowed me to process what I thought about the idea. While, I was intially nervous about the change (I still am), I was also beginning to see how well North Park fit what God has for me.

Emily remarked, "I am really excited for you." That was the moment I knew I needed to invest in this girl. I knew that we liked each other, and that we were compatible, but I hadn't done anything out of the friend range at this point. The way she said it, though conveyed that she cared about me and my following God. She didn't try and scheme to keep me around. I knew that she had my best interests at heart (and her definition of my best interests, is me following God, which is an incredible thing).

So it took me another week to fall for her completely, and to decide, that even though I was possibly leaving camp soon, that a relationship with her was worth the risk.

We went to dinner on a Friday. We tried two places, but both were closed, so while driving in circles in the dark, and playing with my GPS, and making cracks about the Holy Spirit (guiding us) and being the Holy Spirit for each other (she was choosing the third place), and kinda flirting, we arrived at a little burger joint/dinner. It is owned by a Greek family and we got complimentary falafel!

We sat and talked, and told our stories (Okay, we all know I talked more than she did). We talked about God calling us to camp and danced around the issue in front of us.

On the drive home the following conversation took place:
Emily, "Can I ask an awkward question?"
Jesse, "Please do."
Emily, "Is this a date?"
Jesse, "I kinda hoped it was, and would be disappointed if it wasn't."
Emily, "I would be disappointed too."

Then I blabbed about how much I liked her (and may have scared her a little). We came home and hung out a little.

I walked her to her house and made a comment about awkward moments. She said how about a high five? I gave her a high five, and a side hug. Then went home.

The little things

2011-05-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

So if you believe in coincidence then you will chalk up my story to nothing more than that.

If you know my God, then you will no doubt see his fingerprints on this story.

Change, Journey, Destination, Risk, Growth, Manhood, Servanthood, even Puzzles. These words have defined my road the last two years here at Alliance. Some of them stretching even farther back than that. This semester has been wrapped up in the word Identity. I have much more to write on that when the time comes.

The very condensed back story to this entry is that my identity has been shaken and stripped. Who I thought God was making me to be I no longer trusted in. I felt alone and I felt helpless. I had no control. And instead of giving control back to God (or rather admitting He had it all along) I tried to find it in other ways and by other means.

All the while my prayer was that I could give God control. But I knew I didn't really want to. Not just yet. I wanted to wallow just a little longer.

One thing I thought I knew was God’s calling for me to attend North Park Seminary in Chicago. There is another story for another day, but the short version is God asked me to become a Children's Pastor (see previous entries) and showed me my next turn was to attend North Park in Chicago.

I was happy to apply to the school, apply for the scholarships, and then wait. However, when my life turned upside down, when what I was holding onto for my identity was radically shaken, I stopped trusting and became anxious. I checked my mailbox every day (sometimes multiple times a day, as if the mailman was going to circle back and deliver a letter he had placed on the dashboard of his little white truck) for news from North Park. I needed assurance that I still knew where God was taking me. Even if only in the physical sense. I knew what I truly needed was to meet with God. To focus not on my needs but on His Word.

Here is something that a prospective seminary student maybe shouldn't admit. I have lost my Bible.

I work at a Christian camp and am literally surrounded by Bibles. But like a little whinny baby, I wanted MY Bible. Only MY Bible could do. I didn't really believe this lie, I just wanted to put off hearing from God. I was afraid of what He would say. I was afraid He would ask me to trust Him even if seminary rejected me and I had no plans for the fall.

This weekend I was sick. Legitimately sick. Symptoms, fever, aches, the whole nine yards. But I used this as an excuse to just wallow in self doubt and self pity and second guessing. I used the excuse that I was tired and wouldn't get anything out of reading the Bible.

This morning I had the day off, and felt much better. I got a couple of chores done, and even went outside. But still I felt bad, and wanted to feel that way. I knew how to change my attitude, I simply chose not to.

After dinner this evening I checked my mail (for like the third time today). And there wasn't an letter that the postman had forgotten. Instead there was a Bible bought at a second hand store. A Bible bought for me by a friend knowing I had lost mine.

So, having a Bible of my own, I sat down and read. Nothing fancy. Nothing life changing or new. Just a Psalm and the first few chapters of Proverbs. Then there was a Psalm I wanted to read, but couldn't remember exactly where it was, so I went to the computer to look it up.

Of course I had to check my email first. In my inbox was a note from North Park Seminary, saying that the scholarship meeting has been moved back, and that decisions are coming soon. Knowing that they have my paperwork. Knowing that there will be an answer has taken so much weight off my shoulders. I can put that piece of the puzzle back in God's hand.

Like I said, it seems so much like a simple coincidence. But I know the timing of everything was in His hands, and my simple act of yielding was answered by a simple act of assurance that the plan is still in motion, still trust worthy, still the one I am to be on right now.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

My muchness and much more

2011-02-07T17:14:00.000-08:00

I have so much more to say about CSA, but I also have so much to say about these first two months back at ARCG. My brain dictates that I finish up Africa before moving to the present. But there simply isn't the time. Instead you are getting the cliff notes version of CSA. Followed by some thoughts from this year. I have written about how I went to CSA thinking I was going to be the leader, the one who knew everything. How it felt like I fell down a rabbit hole and didn't know my left from my right, or my up from my down. I wrote about a couple of the characters I met there. I even added some foreshadowing about coming alongside the amazing people already working in South Africa. It is this chunk of the story that we will have to skip (or maybe save for another day).

I will say that we met pastors and teachers, as well as the South Africans of the team who are living a life of sacrifice, a life of service, who are the ones striving for change, shining the brightest of lights in one of the world's darkest places. We spent 28 days in country. I could write 28 pages (and probably more) dealing with the beacons of hope that I was privileged to come along side while I was there. I want to tell two stories of God's power through me while in SA. The first is about a girl we will call Mikalleya and a little boy "named" Sabanyo.

We were doing a day rally at one of the many schools we worked with over the month. It was early in the trip and somehow I got put in charge of the younger set without an interpreter. It didn't matter what game I played or what tactic I took, everything ended up in a game of "hit your neighbor as many times as you can." I had to go and grab Caleb and ask him to talk the boys about respecting one another. As Caleb did this, a girl maybe 10 or 11 came up to me and wanted to talk. We spoke of God, His Son, the cross, the empty tomb, and grace. Mikalleya said she had heard these things before. I asked her if she believed them. She said that she did. I prayed with her. I told her that I would continue to pray for her, and that anytime she needed help, God would be there for here. It sounds simple, but it was for me an evidence of God having such a better plan than the one we had. I shouldn't have "needed" help. Caleb was "suppose" to be playing soccer with the older kids. But God had an appointment for me and Mikalleya that He needed to orchestrate.

The second story takes place towards the end of my time in SA. It was the second to last day of service. We were in a tiny village made up of tin shacks and half naked toddlers. After some songs and games, the team passed out clothes and other supplies. It didn't take the full team to facilitate this so I sat down in the single shady area created by our van. Sabanyo sat next to me and took my hand. I did grab Sabanyo's hand to form a circle for our song and game time, however I had done nothing else to make any connection with him. We simply sat hand in hand.

I was tired. The heat, the dust, the poverty, my selfishness, the trip and its toll on my heart, soul, and mind, they all conspired to make me content to simply sit and not engage Sabanyo in anyway. He was younger, probably didn't speak enough English to really converse anyway. Plus he seemed content to sit and let me hold his hand.

I did pray. I did ask God that this little boy would know the love the Heavenly Father. But I said nothing aloud. I then stepped outside of my strengths, and asked him his name. We began to talk of God and His love. I saw in this little child's eyes an understanding not that I had accepted him, but that God had accepted Him, and had chosen me to be the hand of God that Sabanyo could physically hold.

Now I mentioned the heat and the dust, the exhaustion and the toll, and at times I am tempted to believe I projected everything I saw and heard onto this little one. But I know my God, I know how big He is, and I know how He works.

Sabnyo and I prayed together. He had not yet heard the wonderful story of God and His love. We prayed together and the angels rejoiced that day at another son of God returned home. I told Sabnyo that would praying for him and wanted to hear good things about him in the future. It is this one little boy that tugs at my heart. The one reason that I regret not being able to return to SA as a part of CSA in 2011.

More on the awesomness God has brought to me in the last two months next time (and why I will be busy in Nov/Dec of next year).

I do want to close with a statement that has rattled around in my head since that day with Sabanyo. A truth I don't fully understand, that I won't ever fully understand, a reality that I want to live my life by. My God is so big, that he used sitting in dust next to a impoveresd South African child to remind me that He doesn't need my talents, all he needs is my availability. He used that same moment to assure me that He has a place and a role for me in the American Church.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

PS Needless to add, I found my muchness (where it had been all along-inside the love of God.)

housekeeping

2011-01-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

Reading back through my blog I realized I hadn't yet given part three of my Arriving at Destination "series." The short version is that friends from home came up for the weekend, and we spent it laughing, sharing, eating (tons of great food, and they kept insisting on paying), going on ziplines in the rain, and the canopy tour on the sunniest day of the weekend.
I was blessed by their presence, and so very blessed by being able to be in place to give back (working at camp allowed me to have their weekend to be quite cheap). Again to serve from a place of strength. It was doubly honoring to serve from a place of strength to one of the many groups of people who served me when I was still in my place of (for lack of a better term) weakness.

I know the journey through my time in Africa is incomplete and long overdue. I have summarized the trip into two more blog posts, I just need to get them from my head to the screen. They will come "shortly."

A new season of Outdoor Ed has begun here at ARCG. Loving the new team, looking forward to getting to interact with the kids.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

random thoughts from Africa, one thought after...

2011-01-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Marble in the Oatmeal (this is the most obscure title I will use, if you don't get it, don't worry.)

***Full disclosure, the last blog was altered from my original journal entries. The sentences were reworked to be more coherent and the foreshadowing of our coming along side others was written after I had seen that happen.***

Now, that I have confessed I tried to make myself seem more aware of the future by writing in the present, but making it sound like the past,- to show off what I knew of the future, that was then in the past, and the time I wrote which is now far in the past, I can ... wait, what?

In any event please enjoy this entry which is word from word from my journal:

George, South Africa

As I shared this morning I feel like I am drinking from a Spiritual Fire Hose.

As I sit and reflect on ideas I am flooded with thoughts, moments, and ideas.

-God doesn't want my gifts and passions as much as He wants my availability.

-My God is big.

-My God offers Hope I don't truly understand

-I am excited to see how my passion for the American Church and my heart for South Africa come together.

--the little girl at the Big White Church -who was so happy to be in my arms-that she clung to be the first time her mom came to get her-the little girl who allowed me to stand rather than jump around during worship-allowing for a much needed rest before leading rec.

-the simple Milo latte at Mugg & Bean (see below)

Impact

Do my actions matter? Is what I am doing making any difference? We have all faced these questions.

South Africa is a land of vast contrasts. On the road from the airport to the first campsite we stayed at there are acres of shacks and lean-tos. These makeshift houses are filled with families whose parents and grandparents were once told by their government that were less than human because of the color of their skin. On the opposite side of the street, sit houses of affluent white families, most of whom have never known material need.

As you know, this winter I had the opportunity to visit Cape Town to try and make a difference, to try and matter. I gave out peanut butter sandwiches, played games with rubber chickens, and allowed the children who live in those shacks and lean-tos to have an afternoon of hope and joy. The struggles of Cape Town are immense. One can’t help but ask the questions. To ask if they are making an impact.

My trip was full of contrasts. In the morning the team would be playing in the squatter camps, and in the afternoon we would strolling through upscale malls hoping to purchase unique Christmas gifts. One Monday morning, the men on the team ministered to the boys of a local corrections facility. That afternoon we were back in the mall sitting at a very upscale coffee shop known as Mugg & Bean. However, today’s quest wasn’t to find stocking stuffers. Instead, our leader Merv had a reminder for us.

After we had finished our lattes and milkshakes, cappuccinos and Americanos, Merv spoke to the men. He told us that in his life and in the lives of the other South Africans of the team, the impact of Americans, the impact of men, stooping down and spending time with the children could not be put into words. He assured us that we would never really know what we had done for them. That our time and sacrifice mattered, that it made a difference; that we had left an impact on the future generation of Cape Town.

That day I ordered a Milo Latte. Milo is a wonderful chocolate that I discovered the first time I visited South Africa.

I brought Milo home and gave it away as Christmas gifts. Unfortunately, a lack of money and lack of space in my suitcase kept me from bringing home Milo for everyone. However, if you are reading this know that your love and sacrifices have mattered, that they have made a difference in my life.

They have left an impact on me. Thank you.

--Serving Him alongside all of you (just from further away)
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

CSA 2010

2011-01-13T19:09:00.000-08:00

Africa the first five days

2010-12-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

November 18, 2010

Long Beach Airport

As I Sit

As I sit in the airport ready to embark on my fourth overseas and fifth overall missions trip, I reminded once again of the journey that life is. I am reminded of those places in time that we occupy through circumstance and choice, luck and obedience, fortune and misfortune. I am reminded of the places my life in God has taken me. I am reminded of the story that God is writing.

I know I just mixed metaphors there, but maybe life is more than just a simple trip, maybe it is a journey with a specific goal, a destiny wrapped in the destination. Maybe life is the hero’s journey.

As I sit here in the airport I am wearing the last clean, unpacked t shirt I had. It is a baby blue tee emblazoned with the face of the comic book hero named Captain America.

As I sit, I realize that I am a hero on a hero’s quest. My journey is ever rambling, ever winding. Sometimes my Author works in themes, sometimes the tale is episodic. Like the comics I read as a kid (okay, which I still read), sometimes there are years between plot threads and their resolution, years between events and their connection to the story being woven.

As I sit waiting to go and do God’s work, I am reminded that I am a hero. My power doesn’t come from a red sun, a chemical accident, or even an alien suit. My power comes through Christ as I die to myself. As I give from my tiny amount of fish and my moldy bread, as I watch the One who drew me from the pits turn it all into a feast at His table where all are welcomed, I am humbled and excited.

As I sit waiting for my plane, I know that a new chapter is about to begin. A new lesson, a new adventure, the same journey.

November 21, 2010

Stanfontain, South Africa

Curiouser and Curiouser

On the plane ride from JFK to Johannesburg I listened to Tim Burton’s score to the recent re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland. Having arrived here in Stanfontain, I fell more like I have arrived in Underland than in South Africa. My hero’s journey has turned topsy turvy. I feel lost and unable to navigate. I feel out of place and yet called to this land. I feel as though I am trying to find my “muchness”; to find the real me.

I shared with Mike Stephens the night before I began this journey, that I felt called to CSA as a leader. Having been on other trips and having been brought to a place of healing, I assumed that I would be the one who was comfortable, the one who was confident, the one who would lead.

I rode on four different planes before landing in Capetown yesterday. Beyond the disorientation of twenty-four plus hours of travel, time changes, and jet lag, I was fighting a bad case of motion sickness and constipation (too much info?). I didn’t really feel like reaching out, like giving of myself.

After settling in, the team walked down to the beach under a cloud covered sky filled with misting rain. We were told that it would be ninety plus degrees our entire time here. On our way back to base camp we walked through a squatter camp. I had seen similar conditions when I visited Johannesburg in 2001. During that trip God began in me a heart that desires to see South Africa made whole. Yet on this afternoon, whether it was the jet lag or the weather, I felt very little. I didn’t approach anyone. I didn’t engage or even smile at the children who ran barefoot through the township. I simply walked along, trailing behind my team, keeping a cynically watchful eye out for the team.

After wards we drove a short way to the township of Bonneville. Bonneville is the place where our team leader Mervyn grew up. It is the site of the very first CSA in 2002. During our time there, I watched as my teammates fearlessly engaged the children. I watched as children swung from the arms and hung from the necks of my teammates. I watched as tiny black hands braided the blond hair of my teammate Gillian. I watched as others prayed with the adults of the community. Then I noticed the South African team had formed a dance circle.

I watched as the youth of South Africa reached down to bless the children of Bonneville. The team cheered on the kids as they showed us their moves. As I stood there still disoriented, still unsure of where I was, beginning to doubt why I was there, a little one came up to me with his arms stretched upward.

Soon I too was covered with kids; one on each hip and a third on my shoulders. Somehow, the dance circle turned into a praise circle. As we sang and danced, the misty rain that had dampened my spirits broke. It was replaced with a double rainbow that stretched to both ends of the horizon.

With my jet lag and my fears, I still haven’t fully processed what that day means. However, as I look back on that moment with God’s beauty as the backdrop to a scene cast by the effects of man’s ugliness, yet altered by the joy of the redeemed-I know the entire trip was worth it, if only for this one moment in time.

However, that moment now seems like a distant dream. Like Alice I can’t quite grasp the memory. That moment in Underland that was unique and frightening and wonderful, now seems so distant and unreal. Was that rainbow truly there? Was I really schooled by the gifts and talents of the South Africans that I thought I had come to teach? Was I yet again reminded of how big my God truly is?

And more than trying to remember, trying to recapture, I wonder what God has for me. I came with the idea of being a leader. In the van on the way from the airport to base camp we were met by Khaya, Caleb, and Romano. They are three South Africans who were once CSA campers and are now in their third year as CSA leaders. Since they are the veterans, they joked that they were in charge. After what I saw yesterday, I am willing to follow.

I shared with Caleb that I was encouraged by the South African team and their willingness to just jump in and begin. He responded, “Hey man, we are all one team!”

It is an odd place to be, to not be the one that instantly sparks to kids, and even more than that to not be the one the kids instantly spark to. I am curious to see just how far down the rabbit hole this journey will take me.

the view from my devo spot Stranfotain

November 23, 2010

Glen Carin

Further Up and Further In

I still feel like I am in Underland, but I didn’t want to title this entry “Down the Rabbit Hole.” It feels a little overplayed.

However, I continue to travel to new places each one unique and wonderful. I continue to meet new characters. Rather than creatures who speak in nonsense rhyme, I am meeting those made New Creations that speak with the poetry of the King Most High. They share with me what I can barely take in.

Yesterday my hero’s quest led me to Manenburg. Manenburg is a township that is notorious for gang activity. Within the township there stands a beacon of light known as the City of Refuge. City of Refuge is a church led by a man of vision named Pastor Woody. Manenburg was once completely dominated by gangs. Things were so bad that when turf wars would break out the government simply closed off the streets to contain the bloodshed. Today the church is reclaiming the township.

Pastor Woody doesn’t want his church to be a place where the gospel is preached. He wants his church to be a place where the gospel is lived. City of Refuge feeds the neighborhood children, trains and equips women to make fair trade handbags, and owns a store front to raise funds. The church is open every day as a place to find a meal or simply a moment’s rest. Pastor Woody brings in converted drug addicts and gang members who live on church grounds. They are taught and discipled before they begin an active role in ministry outside the church walls. City of Refuge is designed to be a place where one finds healing before they are sent back out to bring others in.

Yesterday morning the team rose early to arrive at the City of Refuge. We served porridge (soup thin oatmeal) and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to the little ones of Manenburg so that they might have some nourishment in their bellies before heading off to school.

Today where once there stood a gang controlled bar, there stands a room where children recite the Lord’s Prayer and are fed a simple breakfast.

November 23, 2010

Glen Carin

Words Louder than Actions

Today we went to Merv’s old high school. When we left the states we were told we would be holding an assembly for over eight hundred students. By the time we arrived in South Africa we were told that we would only have two hundred students. This week is final exams and students who do not have tests that day are not required to attend school.

There are some politics and some petty arguments between the alumni association and the school’s principal, but that isn’t the important thing right now. The outcome of it all was the two hours we were told that we had with the students was reduced to forty five minutes or so. Our plans were thrown out the window.

The focus of this trip was for Merv to share who he is and where he came from. The focus was to be what is quickly becoming the theme of this year’s trip: HOPE. Merv is an extraordinary man of God, however he does not have a very loud speaking voice. The challenge would be for the soft spoken Merv to hold the attention of two hundred plus high schoolers sitting in an outdoor quad without the aid of any electronic amplification.

I have never seen a group of people so in tune with the speaker. Merv had the crowd from his first joke to the alter call. The Lord definitely played a sweet tune through the instrument named Mervyn Coteeze this afternoon. But the work was not yet done.

The team was invited to pray with the Alumni Association after the rally. Each person thanked us for coming today. Each one said that they have been trying to show the school that they care, that they want to reach back and help the students and help the school. They said that what we did today finally showed the administration the kind of thing that could happen. They even mentioned that all the head butting over the scheduling allowed for problems to be identified and addressed before they became larger and more difficult to handle.

I am beginning to think that this trip is not about the team coming and giving of our gifts and talents as much as it is about us coming along side those already at work here in Africa.

My devo spot at Glen Carin

November 24, 2010

Glen Carin

Spies Like Us

I am going to take a break from the narrative of my journey here in South Africa to discuss the character who has impacted me the most this far.

The Scriptures tell the story of man named Caleb. Caleb along with Joshua and ten other men were sent to the land of Canaan to spy on its armies. Ten came back afraid. “The problem is too big” was their cry. However, Caleb and Joshua saw what was not yet as though it was. They knew the size and strength of the army they would soon be facing could surely crush the Israelites. Yet, they also knew God. They knew that God would keep His promises and give them the land.

Here in Africa I have met another man named Caleb. His mane is Caleb Mohamed and his name tells his story.

Caleb is the son of a single mother who grew up in the Islamic faith. She became a Christian a short time before Caleb was born. To protect herself and her child she gave Caleb his Islamic surname and kept her conversion a secret from the rest of her family. In spite of her best intentions her secret did not last. Caleb’s mother moved him to a farming community to be raised by people who were not his parents. After some time Caleb’s mother was able to join him, and they moved again.

They landed in a place called the Ark. The Ark, as best as I can describe it, is a combination of Women’s shelter, orphanage, and boarding school. Caleb heard Bible stories in his classes, but never put them into action. A teacher who saw Caleb’s potential suggested he join an organization called the Royall Rangers (Royal Rangers is a Christian Scouting program in South Africa). Through Royal Rangers Caleb met people his age who loved the Lord. It was through meeting them that Caleb gave his life to Christ. This is by no means the end of Caleb’s story.

Caleb struggled with anger and bitterness. He wondered why he was dealt the life he was given. As Caleb grew older the Lord provided answers for his questions. As Caleb grew older the Lord grew him into a young man who is not ashamed of where he comes from.

South Africa faces its own giants. Caleb is a young man who reaches back and invests into the lives of the youth of South Africa. A young man who sees what is not yet as though it is.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from (even) further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Meanwhile...

2010-11-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

...Back in Sunny Santa Rosa.

Sunday night is the night my small group meets. Last Sunday was also Halloween. To blend the two we had a Super Hero Summit. We had food and games, and everyone was required to come dressed as a super hero (if you didn't there were costumes assigned at the door).

You read that right, I got to come to church dressed as a super-hero. Church and super hero, same bat time same bat channel. But it gets better.

The 31st was my last Sunday in Santa Rosa, before leaving for two weeks for home, before leaving for four weeks for South Africa. I had already shared with the group about the trip, but wanted to drop off some support letters as prayer reminders for those who wanted them.

As there were a few of the heroes getting ready to leave early, I turned down the music just to let everyone know that the letters were on the front table, and that this would be my last Sunday for a while. Grammar Girl turned to High Maintenance and asked, "Should we pray for Jesse now?" I honestly didn't think that was going to happen, but I will take all the prayer I can get.

As some gathered around to lay hands on me, others stretched out their hands toward me. Zan of the Wonder Twins (aka Andrew Mark, who is one of the few guys I know who can rock purple pants)-said lets do this "super hero style." And he made a fist. Several others did the same. After a few quick fist bumps, the group began to pray over me, for my safety, for my health, for the relationships with the team, and the impact God will have through me in Capetown.

This may all sound silly or even stupid, but for me it was one of the most memorable commissioning services I have ever been at.

You see the Wonder Twins activate their power through physical touch. Granted no one in the room could leap tall buildings or melt things with their brain. But each one there carries a far greater power. The power of the resurrected Christ. As I sat there receiving the blessing that were being poured out on me, I opened my eyes and saw men and women in costume fists extended praying over me.

I thought about the power of four color guardians and how much it would mean for them to share their power with one another. I thought about how these men and women were in an odd way sharing their power with me. Praying to their all-powerful Father that I as I go out from among them that I would be filled with power to great things. Even greater than lifting a car or even moving a mountain. That I would he equipped to tell someone they are loved by the God who made them. To tell them they have been given a second chance by the God who loves them.

I know this sounds silly and even stupid, but like I said, for me it was the sweetest picture of what RCC means to me, what prayer means to me, and even what I am being called to do for those four weeks in Africa.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Ariving at Destination part two

2010-11-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

The weekend of October 15-17 I was lucky enough to go to a conference for Christian Camping. I took a ton away from that time. A renewed focus on student lead teaching. A realization that I belong to a larger community of Christian camping. The reminder of the beauty of God's creation. The reminder of the beauty of relationships. And a confirmation that I work with wonderful, open and honest, and God-fearing people.

Oh, I also ended up on a free guided tour of Yosemite!

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau
(as always click on pics to make em bigger)

real quick

2010-11-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

I have allowed adds on this site (made .38 so far). Just wanted to clarify I don't pick them or really control them. Noticed a couple of political ads. Just wanted to let you all know those aren't from me.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Arriving at Destination part one

2010-10-29T22:20:00.000-07:00

I have long thought it would be cool if there was a GPS for life.

"Turn Left Ahead." Take this Job." "Avoid crazy girl approaching" and of course "Arriving at Destination." ah, Destination, the journey's end. I have always been more about the where than the why. Maybe it's because I can get car sick even if I am driving. Maybe it's because getting there takes work, and I would rather avoid work. Maybe getting there takes pain, and I assume I have had enough of that for one lifetime. Maybe it's because the journey is about growth, and growth implies that one is getting stronger and better. And maybe for too long I saw myself as unworthy of being better.

Whatever the case, I am slowly learning to look around me and enjoy the view, enjoy the journey, and even enjoy the pain and growth, and maybe even to accept the fact of my worth. The thing that makes any destination, any journey, and really any thing worth the effort is the people you are traveling with.

God has underscored my journey, my growth, and my worth three times in the last five weeks. Each time He did so at a camp. Each time he used the people who have stood along side me.

September 24-26 was a crazy weekend for me. Here at Alliance, we hosted a Men's Advance (cause guys retreat enough on their own). A thousand little moments that weekend, some good, some bad, some big, some minuscule, some echoing faith that can move mountains, some that I am smart enough not to commit to writing, all led to the Saturday night sermon.

The cliff notes version is that men in this country are absent. Fathers in this country are absent. Boys do not have a ceremony, a time, a rite, where someone sits them down and tells them what it means to be a man. Where someone sits them down ans tells them that they are a man. At the end of the service, an invitation was sent for those who felt the need to mark the truth of being a man, and even more than that being a man of God was extended. The other men in the room came forward and prayed over us.

I am a 33 year old guy (no longer a boy, but never embracing my manhood), who was raised from the age of 12 by a single mother. The idea of having someone speak those words to me (and don't get me wrong, my mom is awesome, and there have been a thousand father figures in my life, I have learned from the church what being a man is) as a novel concept isn't horribly shocking.

What is shocking, what is appalling, is that to my left and my right, and filling three rows behind me sat men who had never had this done for them. Men in their 30s as well. And men in their 40s, and 50s, and 60s. How the hell does the church allow someone to become a grandfather, yet the idea of marking their time from boyhood to manhood is a new one to them? How has the Church, how have we as men, failed the body, how have we failed each other? Let's hit pause for a second, because I want to come back to this, but first I need to explain what was happening in me that night.

That night I was healed. That night all of the zip-lines, and sea cave kayaking, and ski lessons, and movie nights, and simple words of encouragement, all my time at ARCG, all my time in CM at Grace, all my time at Simpson, all the encouragement of friends and family over my 33 years, finally made sense, complete and total sense. I saw fully (or at least more fully, cause grace isn't a concept I will fully unpack in this lifetime) the person others had seen in me. I was commissioned by man that night, but my spirit was spoken to by God.

He told me that I was a man, and that I no longer needed to serve as broken and lonely, but that He had made me into a man of God, a man with gifts, talents, and passions that would be able to reach out to the men, the guys, and the boys I so desperately want to tell of the wonders of grace. I now no longer serve being able to only put my arm around those I serve, and share in their pain. I now can help them up to where I am. I can pull them up, because God has made me whole, and I stand above, not better than, but healed.

That day my son, I became a man.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Deleted Scene

2010-10-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

The following was a paragraph from my "Arriving at Destination." It was removed due to flow of thought. But it is true and it's important that I let you all know. So here is the first ever Letters from Camp Special Features: the not so long lost paragraph:

This is my fourth season as a Naturalists and sixth season here at ARCG if you count summers (which I try and repress). And this year, with all honesty, are the best group of people I have worked with. (I know that sentence ends a preposition, this ain't a doctoral thesis so you all can get over it.) There is simply something about the chemistry of the group this year.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2010-10-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and family,

I am finishing up my second year here at Alliance Redwoods. As many of you know the Lord recently placed on my heart the desire to go into full time church children’s ministry. Until that particular calling comes to fruition, I am happy to say that I have found a home here among the Redwoods. I enjoy my job and am blessed to be working with people who inspire and challenge me each and every day. I have also found a church and a small group that do the same.

Through the camp, I have taken the opportunity to join a team of Americans (along with two “South African-Americans”) who will be meeting with a team of South African nationals to bring hope to youth in and around the Cape Town area. The ministry is known as Camp South Africa or as it is affectionately labeled CSA. We will be working in schools, churches, prisons, and parks. Our mission can be summed up in our desire to bring fun for the spirit, food for the body, and hope for the soul. We hope to accomplish these goals through songs, games, stories, small group sharing, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This is the ninth year that camp has run this program. I like to describe it as “hit and run missions-that has been running for almost a decade and has nationals involved with and connected to the ministry to stay behind and carry out the work all year long.” It may be a mouthful, but it is a large task that we are under taking.

My personal involvement came after I heard the story of a little girl who was a part of CSA 09. We will call her “Lenaiah.” Lenaiah like so many children in South Africa, has A.I.D.S. She is fortunate enough to have access to anti-viral medication. Last year, the team was able to host overnight camps. On the last day of camp, Lenaiah forgot to take her daily medication. When asked by our leader and founder Merv, ho w this happened. Her response was, “Uncle Merv, I was having so much fun, I forgot.” The children of South Africa live in circumstances beyond my imagination. If I can give them one week, one day, one hour, or even just one moment where they are having so much fun they forget their circumstances, and in that moment they are simply children again, then I simply have no choice but to go.

My work here at Alliance has allowed me the time and the resources to undertake this journey. I am writing to all of you asking for prayer and support. The dates of the trip are November 18 – December 17, 2010. We will be working most days, and will be out ministering for as long as twelve hours a day. Please pray for our team, that we stay healthy, safe, and sane. Pray that the moments seen and unseen will be used to impact these children and that through the fun and food, they will come to know of the hope of Christ.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

If you would like to help defer the cost of my trip you may send donations to

6250 Bohemian Highway, Occidental, CA 95465. Please include CSA2010/Jesse Letourneau on the memo line. All donations are tax deductible and you will be sent a receipt.

Stephen Fry Kinetic Typography - Language

2010-10-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Just a cool little thought I thought I would share with yous alls.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

It's the little things

2010-09-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning on my drive into town to church, I was playing a CD that had been given to me 8 years ago. It was mix of worship songs that were popular at the time. They may be a little dated now, but they remind me of a time and a place. Specifically, they remind me of all the people I worshiped with and severed beside at Grace Community of Seal Beach.

The song "You are My King." came, and I found myself singing along. The opening lines are "I am forgiven, because You were forsaken. I am accepted. You were condemned." It wasn't uncommon for Grace to play this song as the Communion elements were being past down the rows. The song reminded me of the sweetness of fellowship and of the friends left at home.

I arrived at Redwood Covenant and spent the first service helping in Redwood Kids. The second service found me in "Big People Church." Communion was going to be served later in the service. And as all good church kids know, Communion is served the first Sunday of the month. So it wasn't something I was expecting.

As the Communion elements were passed the worship team began to play "You are My King."

As the title states, "it is the small things." God was reminding me that RCC is now my home. And it is. It isn't as deeply rooted as Seal Beach. Actually, as I type this, I realize it is. It doesn't have the same number of memories as Seal Beach, but I have only been here a quarter of the time I was at Grace. But the acceptance, the ministry, the feeling of home they are as deep, maybe deeper since they took root so quickly.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

New Years Resolutions

2010-08-17T19:03:00.001-07:00

The new year starts in September, right? The teachers out there know what I am talking about. So with that in mind, I present my 2010 new year's resolution:
Drink an Nalgene (32 oz.) of water a day.
Read for an hour a day (internet and books with pictures don't count).
Eat dessert only once a week (notice it doesn't say only one dessert).
Draw 30 min a day three times a week.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

(not fascinating I know, but I wanted to write them down for me.)

2010-07-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine and his wife are having complications involving the birth of their ye to enter the world son.

On his blog he wrote in part:

The timelines are all hastening, but there is peace. I am cognizant of the fact that God provides this peace for us, but right now this is a peace that feels like it's administered by people. Friends who don't live near that have said they wished they did and share their prayers and get our family on their local prayer chains. Others who share their similar experiences to strengthen our hope and confidence that others have walked this road. Friends and family who are near and have been fortunate enough to have gaps in their schedules to offer a morning with the kids while I teach. Often it's not until I hear a need that I realize it *is* a need. Still others simply sharing that we're on their mind.

To which I will simply add, "All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another."

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

VBS

2010-07-19T23:03:00.001-07:00

For Mike

2010-07-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

My Top 10 tricks and such I have learned working with kids

1) Always be positive

This includes your attitude, but also your speech and your directions. Rather than say, “Stop running.” Ask them to walk. Rather than tell them to “Turn around, stop talking, and finish your homework.” Tell them they need to keep working on the task at hand.

2) Be consistent.

Never promise: I once told a sixth grade class that if they were the most respectful period I would leave a bag of Jolly Ranchers for their teacher, and let her knows who was the best period. They weren’t the best period, I don’t them that, and still years later they were claiming to be owed candy.

Never threaten: Don’t make up punishments the kids know you won’t follow up on (If you don’t… I am going to hang you by your toes), don’t give punishments you don’t want to follow up on (Knock it if off or you are going to spend time with me afterwards; they know you don’t want to stay late, and will test you on that), don’t give punishments you don’t think are fair (I never took recess from a kid (unless specifically asked to by the regular classroom teacher.)

Bottom-line follow through

3) Give them choices

Kids love choices, if you let them choose (even if it is something simple like playing on the swings or on the basketball court, they will respond). There is also what I like to call the ridiculous choice (You can hand me the note, or you can hand it to the principal (however see number 2).

4) Broken Record.

Tell them what you want to see happen when they start to argue, repeat exactly what you just said. After three or four times they will either give up or start an argument. At this point walk away and give them the choice to follow directions or not.

5) Justice is important, but Roe, Sham Boe (maybe misspelled, it was Rock, Paper, Scissors in my day) is almost as good.

If kids treat each other unfairly (and they will), and you don’t know who is the right (eg someone cut in line) have then play roe, sham, boe to see who gets the better spot.

6) Life is not fair.

If you have more kids than you need helpers for a certain task, and a child says, that is not fair, simply tell them they are right. That you need only x number of helpers and that everyone won’t get a turn, and that it is not fair.

7) Establish your boundaries.

Physical boundaries are important, never touch a kid in a way you don’t want to be touched (e.g. messing up hair, being picked up off the ground, tickled). If they can’t do it to you, you can’t do it them. (See also #2).

8) Rule of threes

Generally speaking kids can’t follow more than three direction at a time, so keep your rules, directions, expectations, and explanations’ short and sweet. Limiting them to three is a good rule of thumb.

9) You are human, but you are not

Patience, grace, repeating yourself, and picking up after them, will be a part of your daily routine. Disobedience, disrespect, not listening, not remembering the first (or second) time will all be a part of their daily routine. Be ready that it will happen and be okay with it. Also realize it is NOT a reflection of you or your skills if a kid isn’t perfectly obedient or respectful.

10) You are human

This isn’t a universal, and may vary by situation, but don’t be afraid to apologize to a kid.
If you say the wrong thing or say it in the wrong way, don’t be afraid to let the kid know that you made a mistake (a valuable lesson in that we all make mistakes), that you care about them (a super valuable lesson), and then model correct language and behavior (use “I language,” don’t tell the child what you did was wrong (even if it was, but HOW you approached it-ie hurt their feelings), and don’t go into your personal life (I may care that your dog died and you were already in a bad mood when we got in a fight, but the kids don’t and it impacts number 9)

Bonus:
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Bonus: #2
What kids (or anyone) need is not always what they want. (see #1,2,5,6)

What is sacred?

2010-07-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

The Saturday before VBS there were several of us gathered at the church to hang cardboard and construction paper around the sanctuary in such a way as to make it look like a jungle. While we were working one of the high school girls plugged in her iPod to give us a little tuneage. Mostly Christian stuff. The shuffle function then chose a secular song. It isn't important which one.

Halfway through the song, a very upset person stormed into our church and told us that such music (i.e. secular) was not appropriate for "this house of God." A reasonable calm defense was given, but he wasn't having any of it. In order not to offended our brother in Christ we turned the music off. (Then talked about the event amongst ourselves for the rest of the week).

We could talk all day about secular music, the House of the Lord, meat sacrificed to idols, becoming all things to all men, and the 40 thousand other topics that this encounter raises. But the question that stuck with me is, "What is sacred?".

The easy definition of sacred vs. secular is to define secular first. Secular is what belongs to the world, Sacred is everything else. But is it that easy? If there is a chair sitting in a church building, does it belong to the Lord? The Church is the House of the Lord. If I remove the chair and place it in a restaurant, or even (gasp) a bar, does the chair lose its sacredness? When did it become sacred the first time around? When it was purchased by the planning committee, and therefore became property of the Lord (via the church). Or does the object become sacred once it crosses the threshold of the church?

And if that is the case, if the church is holy ground, wouldn't the song we were playing become sacred because of its surroundings?

Here is the problem, the building isn't sacred. The building isn't holy ground. What made the tabernacle holy? What made the temple holy? It was the presence of the Lord. Where is the Lord's presence today? It is in the lives of His followers (or it should be, but that is another topic for another time, maybe when God calls me to overseas missions). The church (the structure) is NOT HOLY. The Church (the men and women who follow Christ) is holy. We are going to skip the whole, "Well then can we do whatever we want and make it holy?" tangent (short answer= no).

Ironically, the message of VBS this year was that we (the Church) are the living stones that make up the temple of the Lord. It is us working together through the Spirit that make up the Church. And we as people certainly are NOT holy. My holiness is that of Christ's.

That is to say that through the perfect live of Christ that is now mine through the work on the cross and the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, I become holy. Close to four years ago, God began to impress on me the idea of Relationship. How vital relationship is to what we do as a Church. This week I began to see how important Redemption is.

For my inclusion into the Royal Priesthood, my standing as a temple of the Lord, my privilege to be a living stone making up the Church of Jesus, all of it happened through Redemption. If secular is what belongs to the world, then sacred is what belongs to the Lord. I belong to the Lord, the church building belongs to Lord (because it, not unlike me, has the function of serving the Lord), music, food, games, fun, miles of construction paper fashioned to look like a jungle are all sacred because they are taken from the mundane and repurposed to be used to bring God glory.

For me it was the reminder that ministry focuses on Relationships, but cannot neglect Redemption. We must purposely but ourselves in contact with the secular. That is we must go and find those who do not yet belong to God and bring them to Him. That can be done by going out to the jungles or by decorating your church to look like one.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

some random thoughts.

2010-07-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

So I have a few thoughts bouncing around my head. None completely formed, and none really worthy of a blog post all their own. Some are random, some are personal. Seven months ago I promised to blog more. For better or worse, here we go:

What the what?
I have seen two separate occasions I have seen groups of grown men (I am guessing mid 20s) out in public wearing "wife beaters" you known the tank top looking undershirts along with a fedora. When the heck did this become acceptable fashion? Has the wife beater been promoted to semi formal wear, or the fedora been bumped down to the I don't care how I look side of the aisle? Either way I do not approve.

The I-5 is not nearly as boring as I remembered it to be.
This is due in part to radio stations that play a random mix of tunes (there is something about lack of belong/lack of family/lack of commitment/not defining one’s self narrowly that makes these radio stations popular, but I don't have a fully formed thesis, and am most likely over thinking it.) and some classical music along with KLOVE that made the trip entertaining. Also my new Garmin GPS that lets me know how long I have been on the road in miles and time, and counts down to my destination. Plus, it sent me through Gilroy on the way home, that I am sure added some time (despite my preprogrammed preferences), but also added some new sights and smells that broke up the monotony that is the 5.

How am I to do my job?
As you faithful readers (both of you) know, I am working towards becoming a Children's Pastor. I have been involved in a Children's Ministry here in town that has a very specific educational and theological theory that works quite well for them. Last week I was able to visit my home church and hang out at their VBS. Their educational and theological theory is quite different, and works quite well I was a little perplexed, as I thought I had found the formula for effective ministry. This week reminded me that there is no formula. We bring our best to God and he takes our efforts, our sacrifice, or piddly little sack lunch, and uses it to feed the masses. It is He who works; we just get a front row seat.

Son Quest Rainforest
As mentioned above, I was able to visit home and "help" out at VBS with Grace last week. Some random thoughts:

It is so much fun not being in charge of anything.
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.
Michael did a fantastic job at rec, and he did much more simply than I ever did.
Bounce Houses with an attached water slide may be the best thing ever.
Piranhas are cool, and there teachers are even cooler.
Watching high school students who came up in the church turn around and give back to VBS is one the most rewarding things I have been a part of.
There are seasons of rest and seasons of growth. I think I am coming out of a little bit of both, but am not sure exactly where it is I am going.
This year’s set design was literally five years in the making.
Good food is always made better when shared with good friends.
What we do for kids stays with them.
Second chances are the most important thing you can give.
I was reminded of mine, and am grateful for all who gave it to me.
No I won't go into it just now.
Next year is already in the planning stages.
Pictures up soon (hopefully.)

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

the big question

2010-06-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

I will soon be adopting a car. The question is do I keep his name, or do I rename him?

checking in

2010-06-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

Not a ton of news. ODE is over and summer has begun. I love Children's Ministry and look forward to being involved with it this summer.

Now off to do some laundry. Exciting day off, I know.

Oh yeah, that's why.

2010-05-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

This last week we had over 300 kids from six different schools. And this weekend we have 600 plus guest. It has been crazy and stressful around these parts to say the least.

Below is an email sent out from our secretary. The teachers mentioned were not a part of the school I worked with this week. But it was a timely reminder of why I do what I do.

God is definitivlty at work here at camp.

I know we are all running around preparing ourselves for this doozy of a weekend, but I had to share an experience with you all regarding one of the schools that just left our campsite.

I have been working with this school for the past three months to even get them to come to camp. There were two teachers that were signed up to come and one teacher had almost her whole class signed up while the other teacher only had 5 students. One teacher was coordinating and getting all excited about coming to camp while the other was calling try to cancel. These two teacher refused to talk to each other and the described themselves as oil and water. It was an interesting few weeks leading up to this Tuesday when they arrived. I had no idea what to expect from what I dubbed the “feuding” teachers and I was in for a surprise. The first day one teacher made her class stay on the bus because she didn’t to get wet, while the other teacher had her class out splashing in the water and getting sandy while it poured at the beach. As the week wore on there was a marked change in the attitude of the two teachers. The quiet one who wanted to cancel was Smiling and there were occasions that the two teacher were sitting together talking. This morning they stopped me and we had a lengthy talk about their week. The quiet teacher was all grins and couldn’t stop talking about how much fun this place has been and how she has found a peace here. (Hum….coincidence? I don’t think so!)

These students from this school had a rough time getting here. There were a few students who didn’t think they could come because they didn’t own two pairs of shoes or pajamas. The school worked so hard to raise extra money and they were able to purchase 6 pairs of shoes, towels for every kid, pajamas for one girl who didn’t have any, ODE shirts for every kid, ponchos, and cameras for each student. A few kids mentioned that it was nice to go somewhere that they could eat as much as they wanted and that there were always seconds. The teacher wrote this on her evaluation about blessings her group received:

“Many 1^st timers to see the ocean, cross a stream, climb on rocks, see Redwoods, see wild deer, be at a campfire, zipline and tree climbing, be away from home overnight, build a sand castle, see a raccoon, play ping pong, have as much to eat and repeated trips for food, play in the rain with permission, have their very own camera, sleep in dorm style, and be trusted to behave as they know best.”

I am blessed to work in a place where we can encourage kids to be kids. This will be an experience they will never forget and it makes all the frustrations worth it! My two “feuding” teachers came here, found peace, and are ready to come back next year!

How amazing is that?

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau
Serving Him alongside all of you, just from a little farther away.

a little late

2010-05-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

From my Grandmother's service earlier this year

Click for more pics

Cannonball Sunday

2010-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Cannonball Sunday

Click above to see the video.

Sunday was Baptism Sunday at RCC (Redwood Covenant Church). After a really cool Children's lesson, (Go to the bottom of the page and watch the first video, to see the last time we did the lesson.) I went to "big people church" and was blessed beyond measure. The sermon started with the above video (the one all the way above). Then Doug spoke on having an eagerness to get into the water.

At RCC, we practice family baptism. There was a father who was baptized as a sign of his faith in Christ along with his children as a sign they where under his roof and would be raised in the faith. After the service, there was an invitation for anyone who wanted to baptized and hadn't done so to come down.

No one came, the service ended, the worship team played, people chatted, and the sanctuary began to empty. Until more people came down to be baptized. Among them was the mother of the family who had been baptized earlier in the service. When asked why she wanted to be baptized, she said, "I am tired of fighting what has always been." It was amazing to see the faith of the father and the faith of the children used by God to bring another daughter of his to a public confession of her faith. To allow her to stop fighting, and accept what has always been.

a few quick words on the Muppets

2010-05-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the twentieth anniversary of the passing of Jim Henson. Anyone who knows me, knows that the Muppets have a special place in my heart. I am not sure if I have every spelled out why that is, and at the risk of repeating myself, I am going to talk briefly of why the Muppets are so important to me.

December of 1989 my father contracted Leukemia. July of 1990 my father went home to heaven. The seven or so months in between are some the most memorable and impactfull of my childhood. One memory I have is watching The Jim Henson Hour with my family in Stanford.

During the illness my dad was an out patient at Stanford Medical. He stayed in an apartment with my mom, while my brother and I lived with our Grandparents. Children weren't allowed in the apartment as it was a part of Stanford Medical and was occupied solely with their patients (kids being carriers of all kinds of germs and such). The ritual was this, Mom drives down on Friday, picks us up, drive back to Stanford, spend Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday morning visiting at the apartment, drive back to Auburn, got to school on Monday.

Friday nights the family would be in front of the television tuned into TGIF on ABC. Among the programs was the aforementioned Jim Henson Hour. Things were for that hour like they had always been.

With my dad's condition worsening, Saturdays were often spent with my mom and brother in town, to give dad some rest. Sundays were spent driving. One of the precious few times our family was all together and things were normal were on those Friday nights.

Jim would pass in May, my father would return to his heavenly home in June. 1990 wasn't a good year for my childhood. Three or so years back I was at Disneyland talking with a good friend of mine. I shared with him how even today watching the Muppets takes me back to being a kid. He summed it all up nicely. "Everything is right with the world when the Muppets are on TV." We then went to go watch the Muppet 4-D Movie in Disney's California Adventure Park.

The weird thing is last year at this time I found myself reflecting on the Muppets more than usual. And the same thing happened this year. The last two weeks or so, I have had Muppets on the brain. It is probably coincidence as the date May 16 wasn't really on my radar until last year.

Rambling Road

2010-05-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

Time for another not so regular, not so structured edition of what has been bouncing through my mind.

Last month, I heard a sermon on Luke 24, The Emaus Road. The analogy was given of when Jesus opening the eyes of His traveling companions to the plan of God to standing on a peak and looking back on the trail you have just walked. This is where it all becomes clear. This is where you can look and see every twist and turn and understand why they are there. This is where the path you just walked makes sense.

Fourteen years ago I sat in the bleachers of Forest Lake Christian School's gym and argued with God. Roughly six weeks ago I sat in an airport shuttle and tried to argue with God. The gym was my point A and the shuttle my current point B.

Way back in 1996, I was a high school senior who thought he had learned it all, seen it all, and done it all. Only I knew something was amiss. There was more to this God I served, yet it was just out of reach. And so I prayed. I prayed a prayer that I would have never prayed I had I known how it would have been answered, and yet have never regretted.

My prayer was simply this: "God I want to experience you in new ways. I want you to become real in my life." Like an incredibly slow mantra, this was my daily prayer for months. Then I met a man named Tom Ives. Tom was from Royal Servants, a short term missions organization. He was there to give the talk for our weekly chapel.

I have never felt the call to be an overseas missionary, so why would I need to go "practice"? (I have been on four short term trips, and am considering a fifth.) I had no real desire to listen to what Tom had to say. It wasn't going to apply to me. Besides "these guys" come and yell and scream and say the only way to be closer to God is to raise money and go on their trip. I wasn't buying what Tom had to sell. I sat down convinced this chapel would have nothing for me.

The first words he spoke were, "Do you want to experience God in a new way? Do you want Him to become real in your life?" The next 25 minutes were spent with me trying to convince God that He was mistaken. That this was not the answer to my prayer. I whined about schedules and money and languages, each time I thought I had outsmarted God, Tom's next sentence answered my exact "problem."

It was on this trip in 1996 that I first began Children's Ministry. I played with puppets, told stories, and saw kids make decisions to follow Christ. The next fourteen years were spent volunteering in one form of CM or another.

Then the lunch and the shuttle ride were the final pieces to the puzzle.

So here I stand, perched atop a vista, looking out over the last 14 years.

I see a whale lip syncing DcTalk. There is CEF and Good News Club, picking up helium tanks, and debating whether Santa Claus should be invited to our Christmas Party or not, frosting sugar cookies without the aid of a knife, songs and games and stories, verses and water fights, learning and teaching, and sometimes learning as I teach, adding shading to cartoon houses, and complaining about Ma's "cooking", there is a commissioning service involving a jester, a cake, and the title of Ambassador of Grace Kids to Alliance Redwoods. And there is singing Baby Shark and having lunch with Scott.

Very little of that means much to anyone but myself, but it is the path that has carried me this far. As I look back I see God equipping and guiding me. As I look up, I see a path not yet taken. One if I knew what it entails, I would never have asked for. A path that I am sure I will not regret.

Serving Him alongside you, just from a little further away,

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

Taco Truck and Campfire

2010-04-17T21:01:00.001-07:00

Wonder Con pics

2010-04-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Pic 3: The 501st
Pic 9: program
Pic 10: It cost $30 to take a picture of Lou Ferigno. Unless you hide around the corner.
Pic 11: How to dress if you want to talk to the media, but not to girls.
Pic 12: A cunning group
Pic 16-19: Stuff I bought.

Choo Choo (or train of thought part 37)

2010-04-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

I was going to title this Full Circle. A year and a half ago I was sitting on my couch watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (by the season) and thinking, clearly I need a change. One facebook conversation and one phone call later, I was on my way up to Occidental to begin the adventure I am currently on.

Yesterday, I ditched church (Not a fan of crowds and Easter Sunday just seems so familiar to me that I don't get much out of it). Instead I drove down to SF to a comic book convention. It was good to be among "my people" again. To close out the evening I went to a sing-along screening of "Once More with Feeling" (the musical episode of Buffy). However, no major revelations came about so it's not really a full circle type thing.

The major revelation came two Thursdays ago over poorly made Philly steak sandwiches. Scott Peterson, the Children's Pastor at the church I have been attending wanted to meet me with me about "being up front more." This was the best lunch I have ever had. And it wasn't due to the skimpy meat sandwiches. It was the moment that God used to flip the switch in my head.

God is calling me into full time Children's Ministry. Now a few of you are saying, "well duh, I thought you knew that." Others maybe totally shocked. Here is the thing. It was in talking with Scott that I realized I had the skills to do this ministry.

However, new things are scary, at least to me. So, as excited as I am about doing Children's Ministry, there is a lot that will be challenging to me.

Last Monday was the funeral service for my grandmother. (There may be a blog, but at least some pics on that sometime soon). Last weekend I went home for said service. Two ancillary activities of the trip brought mycalling into focus. The first was Three-Fold Communion at my home church in Seal Beach. The second was the shuttle ride from SFO to Santa Rosa.

If you don't know, Three-Fold is a potluck that ends with a Communion service and has a ceremonially foot washing in the middle. (yes cerimonally foot washing is a little weird-that's a blog for another day.) After the washing, the washer and the washee embrace (at least that is the tradition at my church). Then there is some hymn singing and some sharing.

I sat next to Mr. Enyart. The Enyart clan , have been a big part (there are like six kids) of Children's Ministry at Grace during the years I was there. (Three of them are now in high school and college and are going on the HS mission trip. random side note: sweet little innocent Michelle who I have known since she was six turned sixteen on Sunday. It was good time at home among family and friends, but it also made me realize just how long I had been doing CM.)

Where was I? Oh, right, Mr. Enyart shared how myself and others had been instrumental in the development of his children's faith. I was absolutely floored. Parents make the kids who they are. God changes their lives and makes them awesome servants for His kingdom. (and the Enyart kids are awesome servants). I just point them to God and sing goofy songs. For someone else, and a parent at that, to see me have an impact on his chidren's lives, showed me that God has equipped me for and wants to use me in CM.

Here is the thing. I see my sin. I see my failure. And I stay there. I think God can't use me. As long as I can remember people have been telling me that I should, assuming that I would, go into ministry. But that is a risk, and risk involves failure, and failure is uncomfortable. But without risk there is no growth. The last year plus I have learned that risk is okay. And more importantly I have learned that God isn't interested in my perfection but in my availability. After all it is not me who does the work. It is simply God using me. So, that is the short version of the conversation God and I had on the shuttle ride home from SFO.

I have a ton of pictures to share. From both the memorial and from the con, as well as some from just around camp.

Okay, this train is more than long enough. Catch ya next time.

2010-03-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

From "Puggles" (2-5 yr olds) during Home School Week 2010

a question or two

2010-03-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Are contentment and comfort the same thing?

Can either one hinder our growth in God?

Are either one something to avoid?

These are the larger questions bouncing around in my brain that answer the smaller questions currently pressing on my heart.

Work in Progress

2010-03-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

March is half over and I haven't written since February. I have had a ton on my mind, but nothing concrete. So instead of a beautifully crafted essay on my job (like this one) or a funny list from my awesome adventure (like this one). You get the promised, I will write more even if it is train of thought and only makes sense to me blog.

I feel like I should be writing about St. Patty's day or March Madness. Or maybe something spiritual like Lent. However, none of these things are on my radar. The only thing on my mind these days is "what do I want to be when I grow up?" "And where should I attend church?" Questions that make me feel like a high school senior. Questions that when I was a high school senior I had all figured out. I was going to be a high school history and Bible teacher. I was going to be Mr. Wickstrom (that is I wanted to be just like my high school history teacher). I was good enough and I was smart enough. Then God reminded me that I was neither, so long as I was striving for things of this world under my own power.

Slowly over the next decade or so, God gave me a passion and a gifting for elementary classrooms and Children's Ministries. And there is where I want to go. Only I don't know how. Okay, that is a lie. I know how, I am just terrified of falling on my face. I am terrified of doing it wrong. Or worse, doing it well and having responsibilities and expectations that take away from my ability to fall asleep watching Spider-Man for the fourteenth time. Basically. it is not a matter of not knowing what I want to do when I grow up, but not really wanting to grow up.

I am not sure if I have gone into great length about journeys and destinations on this blog, but I know I mentioned that for a long time I was seeking/wishing for the destination without the journey. I have come to learn that not only can you not arrive at the destination without the journey, but that it means nothing without it. So, I want to take the journey. Kind of.

Last year (and really the year before) God was teaching me about community. And not that I have mastered the lesson (do we ever fully grasp what God has for us), this year the focus seems to be on exploration. Stepping out into the unknown. Taking a risk. Faith.

My faith is so small. I have seen God work in incredible ways, and yet I constantly wonder if this time He can really do all He said He would. This time is different, this time is important. Then He reminds me of His goodness, I trust (at least for a while), and all is well with me and my Redeemer. Faith is not my greatest gifting. Faith is not where I excel in my walk with Jesus. Thankfully, all it takes is the faith of a mustard seed (or even the faith of a Redwood seed-man those giant trees come from the smallest seed). Thankfully, it is not I who accomplish God's work, but God who accomplishes God work. Thankfully, I get a front row seat and am reminded again of his love, grace, provision, power, acceptance....

So what brought all this on? Two simple acts really. One was Saturday afternoon, the other was this afternoon. So, I have been going to a church here in Santa Rosa where I love the children's ministry, but am not challenged by the sermons. I can't plug into the fellowship there, because I don't have a car, so it is hard to commit to anything. Plus, it appears that the post college Bible study has become more of a small group(s), and I just don't have the time for that right now. I need the flexibility to miss a week if job, chance to hang with work friends, flat out need to nap crop up (as they do in this job). So, if it is so bad, why not go somewhere else?

I have also been attending a church that constantly challenges me both on Sunday mornings and during the Saturday night Bible study (going through First Corinthians and John respectively). The Bible study has a "built in" community to it, and is exactly what I need. I know that where ever God has me on Sundays, He has me there on Saturdays.

But here is the problem. Just when, literally only days before, I decide that I am going to commit to the second fellowship, I attend one last activity at the church with the awesome Children's Ministry. Kind of a farewell, thanks for allowing me to be a part of it. Now mind you, I haven't spoken of this decision to anyone. Only God and I know that for now, I need to lay down Children's Ministry and focus on my personal growth. The activity was once a sleep over event, and is now "merely" activities from 4 to 9 pm. So to make a short story long, everything changed (for me) on Saturday evening at around 5:20pm.

I had to leave the event early, so that I could make it for dinner/Bible study at the second church. Early in the evening, the Children's Pastor was scheduled to get on stage and sing a camp song (Baby Shark, for those of you familiar with the genre). However, he was busy elsewhere so I jumped on stage and sang it instead (after all, I work at a camp, I'm paid to sing these songs with large groups of kids). Everyone was really impressed (apparently I am a queit guy who comes alive on stage) with song as well as the game we played next (which felt like a bad Nickelodeon sketch, but the kids loved it). So back to 5:20pm. The kids have just started eating their dinner, the volunteer dinner is being served, and I am ready to take off. I find the Children's pastor to let him know. And he says, "Thanks for your help. We really have to get you up front more, even on Sundays." Now, I don't know exactly what this means, and I still don't have a reliable ride to Sunday mornings, but even the chance of really getting involved, or learning and growing in ministry really has me excited. This is where my passion is, this is where my gifting is. This is where I want to be. I am even thinking about applying for a position, somewhere as a Children's Pastor.

And yet,

Today, I worked on straightening my room. The goal was two fold. Find my watch-no idea where the stupid thing went-and yes it ran off, I didn't loose it- and find my letters of rec, resume, credential, etc, so that I can honestly and earnestly start to look for classroom positions. What did I do instead?

I fell asleep watching Spider-Man for the fifteen time.

I was going to work some Muppet Babies quotes in here, but instead I would ask that you all join in prayer as I decide what path I want to pursue. And for courage to open the doors of paths that are a little bit scary.

--Serving Him alongside you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

H.O.W.

2010-02-17T21:33:00.000-08:00

One of the things I miss most about Grace is starting the weekly Bible study with a H.O.W. (Highlight of the week).

The last two weeks here at camp has been jammed packed with H.O.W.s

We teach a class here called Pond and Stream. It wasn't ever one of my favorites. For training week I was assigned to teach the class to the new and returning Naturalists. It didn't go well.

Last week I was to teach the class to a group of 4th -6th graders. Things went much better. I had the opportunity to watch another Naturalist (thanks James) teach the class and it really helped me figure out what I wanted to do with the material.

The best part was I had one of those rare moments where the kids asks a question that isn't off topic, but isn't in the lesson plan. A question that leads to a genuine and memorable learning experience. We were standing up at the pond and notice the clouds begin to move over our heads. The kids thought it was because we were so high in elevation (camp is at best 200 feet above sea level). I explained it was because we were so close to the ocean. We had already discussed the water cycle, and used that to discuss weather and its formed. As I am talking a dark cloud stops over our heads. Three hours later it rained during our night hike. A genuine and memorable learning experience.

Monday I went skiing. To be fair I should say I went to Squaw with a group from work, and fell down a lot. Once I figured out how to get back up on my own, I told them to go have fun, and tried to learn on my own. I fell down a lot more. I gave up, went inside and waited around by myself.

After eating an overpriced turkey and cranberry sandwich, I went out again, fell and was ready to give up for good. My friends and co-workers (one and the same actually), wouldn't let me. They linked arms with me and made me go down one more good run. I learned more in that 30 minutes with them, than I did the whole time I tried to learn by myself. There is a pretty obvious object lesson here.

This week is Christian Outdoor Ed. So instead of using words like creation and design hoping the kids will see things that are bigger than they are and begin to learn there is a God bigger than us, I get to read Bible verses and pray with my kids. Their first day we taught about stewardship of the earth. Before the evening activity, I called on a student to pray. Among her words to God was a request that He make us stewards of His creation. There is no better feeling as an educator than to hear a student show understanding and application of what you have taught IN THEIR PRAYER. Honestly, it doesn't get much better.

--Serving Him along side all of you, just from a little further away,
Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

2010-02-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

So I have been reading the Shack lately. There is a chapter that shows a picture of (what I assume*) the author thinks heaven to be like. And in that chapter the picture is painted of someone entering heaven and all who are already gathered meeting for a celebration to welcome them home.

I like this idea.

I like the idea of dad enjoying a perfected creation, and waiting for me. I like the idea of my dad off enjoying nature, when someone stops by and says, "Hey, your son is here." I like the picture of my dad dropping everything and running out to meet me.

I don't think this is what the author intended when he wrote the chapter. But it is what was going through my mind as I read.

*For those of you who have read the Shack: It's the Chapter where Mac and his father are reunited. I haven't finished the book, so maybe it isn't heaven, but that was the impression I got.

this and that

2010-01-28T20:05:00.000-08:00

So this is one of those new "I don't have a complete story or even a complete thought, but I am going to write some stuff that is on my mind" blog mentioned at year's start.

I think the journey is more important than the destination.
The problem is I enjoy the destination more.
Going on a road trip with several people is more fun than flying alone, even if flying gets you to the destination faster.
Thinking about the destination doesn't get you there, the journey does.

I am privileged to work with the people I work with.

If I am not careful, I may learn more than I teach this year.

I have been to church two weeks in a row.
When push comes to shove I will choose helping in Children's Ministry over going to big people church.
I am not sure that is the best thing.
I am going to a Bible study this week with a co-worker.
I miss Grace like crazy, but know that at least for now I am where I am suppose to be.
Outside of a owning a vehicle, the best thing that could happen to me right now is to have the week of VBS off from work.

God has used at least three people to tell me roughly a million times that in order to be the person/have the things that I want I have to do the work.
I am learning that the journey is more important than the destination...

Act III

2010-01-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

There is a website entitled “How It Should Have Ended” that takes movies that they feel didn’t come to their natural conclusion and rewrites the third act. My personal favorite is their take on Superman, but it is their reaction to Return of the King that I want talk about today.

They postulate that The Lord of the Rings Trilogy would have been better served, if during the first movie, Gandalf had called the Eagles in to fly Frodo and Sam to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. As they fly off, Sam comments, “Imagine if we had to walk all that way.”

Obviously, Tolkien’s tales are about the journey more than the destination. However, Tolkien also knew the importance of the destination. In fact when Sam and Frodo finally reach their destination, the movie still has several more endings.

However, I absolutely love the fact that each character gets their ending. Whether it’s a returning to the woods, back to Shire to raise a family, or a boat trip to lands unknown each character is rewarded for their sacrifice. But more than that, each begins a new adventure. For when Frodo and Sam drop the ring into the Mount Doom, to borrow a phrase, it is not the beginning of the end, but merely the end of the beginning.

And so it is with us. The story of the Nativity does not end with Christ on the cross or even with the empty tomb. It's ending does not come with Jesus eating fish on the shore, or at the day of Pentecost. It is not with John on Patmos or Paul in Rome. The story of God (which begins in the garden and whose second act begins in Bethlehem with Shepherd keeping watch over their flocks by night.) continues on through history.

It continues on through the early church and to Constantine, to the Aztecs to Feudal China to Washing, Lincoln, and Martin Luther King Jr. It continues on to us.

The story of Christ, the story of redemption, the story of God's love for His Creation includes us. And not in "we are connected to the past by our stories" or in a "it makes me feel better to be a part of something better" kind of way.

Rather, the story of redemption includes us because it was always meant to. When Adam and Eve broke communion with God, He looked down from heaven and saw Abraham and Moses, He saw the death and resurrection of His son, and he saw us. It is one story. We were always meant to be a part of God and His love.

2010-01-07T16:22:00.000-08:00

I have a new year's resolution: blog more. And more importantly make it my blog and not try and emulate the work of others. So with that in mind, I am not going to wait until the perfect analogy or the perfect illustration come along to illustrate what I am learning/musing on. I may not even wait until my thoughts are fully formed.
So basically what you are going to get from me is a one side stream of conscience conversation (which you can make two sided if you add comments).

So with the business of business out of the way let's begin.

I have heard the Christmas story at least once for the last 33 years*. I have participated in Advent celebrations at home and in the church. I have written and read monologues for school and church events. I have taught the story and all it means countless times to the next generation. And yet it remains new. There is always another lesson in shepherds who are sore afraid or angels singing in Latin.

Just when I think I have seen the narrative from every angle another one presents itself. One of the things I appreciate most about Grace @ Night is the willingness of the leadership to ask the hard questions. To speak on the problem of pain, to speak about how the world truly sees the Church and how we are to respond. This December they asked the simple question, "If Jesus' birth was to bring peace on earth, where is it?"

Where indeed? The old adage, "just turn on your tv and you can see..." truly applies to the lack of peace in our world. Well then maybe the peace Christ is to bring is about inner peace and inner wellness. Or maybe better yet it is the peace of the future rule of Christ on earth. While these statements are true, and begin to answer the question, they are not enough.

Neither answer satisfies. Honestly, stop and dwell on the concept that the angels proclaimed Christ's birth would bring peace on earth (Luke 2:14), and yet it is not here. They didn't say it would come through the work of Christ on the cross, they didn't say that it would come when the book of Revelation unfolds. They said we proclaim, "on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." And yes, the cross and the Second Coming ushered in and will usher in peace between God and man unlike what had been/will be seen before, but what of the "now" promised by the angels?

You know why this question while seemingly simple is a loaded one? Because if the angels on the night of Christ's birth were give to hyperbole, if the mouthpieces of God were overstating or worse yet lying about why this baby was so important, can we trust anything else the New Testament says? I know, the question sucks. It raises legitimate theological kinks in the armor that is the Good News of Christ.

And this question isn't new. In 1863 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a poem entitled I Hear the Bells on Christmas Day. In the poem, Longfellow laments, "'There is no peace on earth,' I said, 'For hate is strong and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men.'" In 2008, Mark Hall of Casting Crown used the poems as lyrics for a song of the same title. listen here

You will note at the song's conclusion Longfellow states, "God is not dead, nor doth He sleep. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth good will to men." How can Longfellow say this? What happens between stanza three and four to bring about this change? If we look only the lyrics we find that the bells simply pealed more loud and deep. Fat lot of good that does us (or at least me). I still look around at my world and see strife and war (much of it done in Christ's name).

There are two things that need to be stated for us to reach the same conclusion as Longfellow. The first is to look at the word peace. In the original text the word peace carries with it the Jewish understanding of peace or more accurately the understanding of the word shalom. Shalom is greater than peace.

In English we see the word peace and think of its antithesis war. Peace is often defined as the absence of conflict. Shalom carries with it the weight of things being as they should be. Shalom doesn't simply mean that there is no fighting, it is a condition where all the parties involved are in harmony. I was once teaching Sunday School and asked the children what peace was. One little boy answered, "It is where everyone sits at the table and gets along." I like this definition.

However, this only brings us back to the original question. Where's the peace? (And yes in my head that last sentence sounds like a little old lady upset with her hamburger.) And more importantly it raises the question "How can we obtain peace?" The answer to this question lets us in on the secret Longfellow heard in those bells one hundred thirty-seven years ago. More importantly it brings us back to the meaning of Christmas and the answer to how the angels could state that the birth of Jesus would bring this peace.

The story of Christmas isn’t the whole story. In fact it isn’t even the start of the story. The story starts with Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis. The story starts with things the way they should be. It begins with shalom. Then the serpent, and the lies, and separation of man from his Creator. Then several chapters of some pretty messed up people trying to get back to God. Thousands of years go by and shalom isn’t ever fully reached. The separation of God and His creation is mended by sacrifice, and broken by lies. And so the cycle goes. Then one day there were shepherds standing out by thy flocks at night, and suddenly…

Suddenly the angels appear. Suddenly everything is different. Suddenly the great gulf fixed between man and God has a way across. The first act is the Old Testament (and you though the prologue in Fellowship of the Rings was drawn out). The second act is the Nativity and the life of Christ. The third act is the death and Resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

Ephesians 2:13-14 states: But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For He himself is our peace. Second Thessalonians 3:16 states: Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

This peace that we seek must come from God. As humans we can love, we can create, we can bring justice, we nurture, and we can even reconcile that which is broken into a state of newness. But we can NOT generate peace. Just as grace is something wholly given by God to man, so is peace. This is why it is so hard to find peace (whether it is lack of war, inner peace, or even peace between man and God). Because it doesn’t come from us. It can’t come from us. It can only come from Christ. It can only come if God enters our world. It can only come from a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying a manger. It can only come from a deity wrapped in veils of flesh and hanging on a cross.

And the Christmas message of peace is even greater than “without Christmas there is no Easter.” For the baby born to Mary and Joseph was not the start of the story. It was the climax, the resolution. The birth of Jesus, Emmanuel (my favorite name of Christ by the way), is literally the first time since the garden that peace has come to earth.
And to that, I add my voice to the angels and sing, “Glory to God in the highest!”

*Yes, I know I am 32, but being born in Septemeber my first Christmas was before my first birthday, and thus when I was one it was my second Christmas, and so on... Also I "saw" Star Wars (A New Hope) in vitro, but that is another story for another day.

One More

2009-12-31T11:39:00.001-08:00

I don't know how this blog became more about Muppets than about me, but to end out the year I just wanted you all to know that The Muppet Movie has just been announced as a brand new induction to the Library of Congress.
Ah, a bear in his natural habitat... a Studebaker... in the Library of Congress.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

(Click the pic above)

Better than I could say it

2009-12-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine recently wrote a blog on the subject of love. He said what would want to say if I could write as well as he. So instead, I will give you all the link.

For the Love of Chickens

2009-11-22T17:03:00.000-08:00

The two of you who read this blog (hi mom) know that I work at a camp and that my camp name is Gonzo.

I was dubbed Gonzo due to my love of Muppets and my bio on the camp website.

Half of what you read there is serious, the rest is just goofy. We had to fill out a short little survey to help the author of our bios. One of the questions was "Who is your hero?" I wrote down the apostle Peter and realized that I admired Gonzo for the same reason.

Now I didn't say I was like Peter or Gonzo, just that I admired them. The ability to get back up after you have been knocked down, to me is the definition of what it means to be human. However, I have learned an important lesson since beginning my work at camp. In order to get knocked down you have to be moving forward.

Now, before I get comments about how according to physics you can knock down a stationary object (hi ben). I am speaking metaphorically. In order to keep trying you have to have tried the first time. In order to learn from your mistakes you have to make mistakes. In order to heal stronger you have to have been broken or bruised.

I began once to write about my coworkers and the example they have been to me. I got side tracked and wrote about community instead. So let me say this. My coworkers seek out their limits, they push themselves, they are proud of each bruise and scrape.

Now, I am not ever going to be the guy who takes a water bottle, a tent, and a sleeping bag and heads off into the woods. I am perfectly happy with some corn dogs, mac and cheese, a comfy couch and a season or two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, my time at camp has pushed me way beyond my boundries. I have gone exploring in caves and sea cave kayaking. I haven't done as much as those I went with, but that is okay. I found my limits, and had a blast doing it.

And like the kids on the zip line, pushing myself physically has allowed me to push myself in other areas as well.

Most likely more on that next time.

2009-11-09T10:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this season Sesame Street turns 40, and their focus is nature. I work as a naturalist and have an unhealthy attachment to all things Muppet.

But the cool thing is I just learned that Abby (a newer character) has a class pet that is a gerbil-corn, which I wonder if it is related to a gunnie-corn.

If the second sentence doesn't make any sense, don't worry, there are only like three people who would understand it.

ramblings

2009-11-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

I think we see in each other more than we ever see in ourselves.

A few months back I drew a picture for a friend of mine. It was a farewell present as he moved on from the camp where we (and I still do) worked to a new chapter in his life. I was quite happy with how it turned out, and I did put quite a bit of work into. Since then I have constantly been requested and encouraged to do more works of art.

Here is the thing, I can't draw very well. I can doodle. I am learning to play with colors to add shading and depth, but I can't just up and draw anything I want and have it look like I want it to. I certantly am not at a point where I could make any kind of living with my skills.

Yet those I work with see me as someone with a greater level of skill in drawing than I actually possess. This can be frustrating at times, as it is hard to convince people that I actually know my limits.

Yet limits are tricky things. Watch a kid cry before they jump off a zip line platform, or a sixth grader try and climb a rope ladder, slip, hit the ground, and immediately get back up and try again, and you quickly learn that limits are not set in stone. (Don't tell anyone, but I think I have learned more from the campers than I have taught to them.)

Nearly eleven months ago, I left Grace Community Church. Grace and Community are two concepts that I have struggled to understand, struggled to know, struggled to live, and struggled to give my whole life. When I was in high school I thought I didn't "need" grace, and was convinced that I didn't deserve community or at least that no one would want me in their group. Then the Lord called me on a short term missions trip to England, and I learned just how wrong my theology was.

As I prepared to come to ARCG, my understanding of Grace was being renewed in my life. And the understanding of Community was being refreshed and expanded upon. I don't fully know what Community truly means. I know that it is essential for the life of the Christian. I know that Paul's analogy of the Church as a body is deadly accurate. I know that I am constantly grateful that I don't live isolated, that I don't struggle alone, I don't have victories by myself, that my burdens and trials are not mine alone to carry.

I am grateful that others see in me more than I see in myself.

Link to Crater Lake Pics

2009-09-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

Crater Lake Pics

For Rita

2009-09-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

It begins anew

2009-09-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

So ODE (Outdoor Education) has started here once again. We only have 17 kids, but its a nice easy transition back into the routine. When you forget that Wednesday is pizza day at lunch, and that you are to tell the kids to start with only two pieces, it is an easy fix to tell them that when they get to the dinning hall. When you forget to tell 300 kids, not so much.

There is still construction going on, which changes some of our teaching locations, and adds quite a bit of noise, but the payoff is going to be well worth it.

I still can't believe how awesome the forest is and the fact that I get to live in it.

I miss those of you in Long and/or Seal Beach, but will off here for the month of Nov and Dec. So, if you wanna play anytime during those months, let me know.

If you have any work during those months, let me know as well. (10 months of salary is livable, but if I can make some scratch while I am home, all the better.)

Things already on the docket:

Breakfast burrito at Nick's in Seal Beach.
Firefly/Serenity night for those cool enough to know what that is (I am thinking Chinese food and Apple pie and everyone pick a favorite episode).
Disneyland (if I can figure out how to get in for free-so if you know someone who knows someone, let me know).
Grace at Night.

Volcanoes are awesome

2009-09-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

Pics of the trip

^ clickable

Edit: 9/16/09 So that link doesn't work unless you know both me and the guy who took those pics, and 99% of that group was on the trip.

I will post more pics soon.

I love the people I work with.

2009-08-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

I work with some super awesome people.

--Jesse Letourneau
Serving Him with you all, just from further away.

Frisbee Golfin'

2009-07-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

sorry the last one is sideways, thought I fixed that.

Picture dump part one (clicking makes em bigger)

2009-07-20T16:57:00.001-07:00

Massive Picture Dump Part 2

2009-07-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

God is so good

2009-07-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my last update. That is basically cause things are going really well, and I have been super busy (and busy having fun).

So short story, long, I just had a conversation with the speaker for this week's camp. It was an encouragement to both of us. I am overwhelmed that God would use my life and my ministry to bless this man of God.

I am so use to being up front and in charge in ministry. But currently God has me doing a lot more "smaller" less noticeable things. And it is somehow the most amazing things. I think the big thing is that what God is doing in and through me right now, doesn't come from my gifts or talents, but comes through Him and His Grace.

woot!

2009-06-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

From an email from my mom:

Our moving date is next Saturday -20th. Channel (current apartment complex) is going to pro-rate rent for June and give us back what is left and we will get 100% of Depost (575) because we have been here so long!!!

odds and ends and praises

2009-06-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

Some are odd some are ends and some are praises, I will let you figure out what is what.

My family found a nice apartment in LB, in their price range no less!!! Mucho happy about that. Plus it has a little more room than current location, so I have place to crash over holidays.

I finally got a hold of someone who cleared up my clearing up of my credential. I don't have to apply for an extention until next year (2 years left on it). Which means I can put that aside for the time and focus on what God wants to do in and through me.

With the above, I am not the most maluable clay, please pray that I will let go of what I want, what I think I want, and even what I know I don't need, and allow God to contiue to do more than I can even concieve of for my life.

It's now dinner time. I will try and post more later. Summer is gearing up new people have arrived at camp, and this week of training has been quite good. Hope to fill you all in with all that when I can.

Click to Enlarge part 2

2009-05-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

randomness

2009-05-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

I have had Muppets on the brain lately. Figured out why, Monday was the 19th anniversary of the passing of Jim Henson.

I am "home" in Long Beach now. I missed my church here dearly, but realize that God clearly has work for me elsewhere, and saw several examples of what He wants to do/is doing in and through the ministries at Grace I left to go to camp.

Church attendance in Occidental has been super sporadic at best. Still need some reliable transportation, as my schedule doesn't really gell with available rides.

I have 300 pics on my camera, I plan on posting some of them shortly.

Memorial Day weekend at camp is going to be crazy busy. Please pray that we all survive, with our good nature in tact.

Only two weeks left of teaching, then I become summer staff. I am no fan of physical labor (maintenance, et al.) and don't do well in the heat. Please be praying that physically, emotionally, and spiritually that I not only survive but thrive this summer. Please pray that while my strengths and my gifts won't be utilized this summer like they were during the winter season, that I maintain a positive attitude of service. (and that I get more kitchen/program/cleaning shifts than maintenance shifts)

More Muppets

2009-05-09T12:06:00.002-07:00

So, I have been giving a lot (too much) thought to Gonzo and how he has appeared over the years. Like any good decades old character he has undergone several changes in appearance. The most resent I like to call his "Disney-ification."

Outside of Kermit, most of the principal players on the Muppet Show underwent some pretty radical transformations during the show's (all too short) five year run. To say then, that Disney has no right to change the characters look would be unfair. However, the direction that the Muppets have gone since Disney bought the rights to Kermit and company, as been to a more rounded, monochromatic, almost Playschool like appearance. (In point of fact, the classic Disney characters (Mickey, Donald, Goofy) have undergone a similar metamorphosis.) It is a case of marketing (kids like bright colors and soft round shapes) dictating the characters' look, over the character of the character dictation the character's look.

I know that last sentence has a lot of "character" in it, but when dealing with the Muppets it is important to remember that they are first and foremost characters. They have back stories and deep seeded fears, they have strengths and weaknesses, they function as a (highly eclectic and highly unstable) family. To turn them into the "funny one," the "mean one," the "jock," and the "outcast" is to miss the point of what made Jim Henson's crazy characters work so well and be loved for so long.

Kermit's new appearance is the most egregious change brought to the Muppets. However, to Disney's credit they have brought him back to a more classic look.

Classic Kermit (Notice his "skull" is basically a hand) with a more football shaped head

"Disney-fied Kermit' with a almost perfectly spherical head.

And here is Kermit in the most recent Muppet Production ("Letters to Santa")
Notice we are much closer to the original football shaped head.

(Side Note: The Muppets and many other properties have been trying hard to produce a seminal Christmas film in the vain of A Charlie Brown Christmas. The reason Charlie Brown and friends have become a part of American Christmas is that CBS ran the special every year for decades on end. If you want kids to grow up watching your Christmas special, stop making new ones every five years, and simply rerun your show until everyone deems it a classic)

Despite the presence of various and radical changes, Miss Piggy adamantly denies ever having plastic surgery. You be the judge.
BEFORE

AFTER

However, what Disney has done to the pig (make her head as round as possible) seems a little extreme.

Sadly, one of my favorite Muppets (who makes me smile on apperance alone) has undergone (in my book) the most unfortunate transformation of all.

Old School Fozzie

Disneyfied Fozzie

I really hate the look of the current furry funny man.

So on to Gonzo.

When Gonzo was first introduced to the world, he was this little weird whatever. Not overly appealing in his appearance (or his performance).

As the years went by Gonzo grew in size as well as physical appeal (relatively speaking of course)

During what some fans have dubbed "The storybook years", Gonzo continued to grow in size appearance and in prominence. Until in 1992's A Muppet Christmas Carol, Gonzo would be the narrator of the film. (The following picture from A Muppet Christmas Carol doesn't really show the puppet being made to look more appealing, I just love the image.)

After Disney bought the Muppets, Gonzo became rounder, softer, and more monochromatic.

Once ugly and predominately purple, Gonzo has morphed into a (somewhat) appealing and mostly blue. I would be absolutely appalled at the transformation of the little whatever who was booed off the stage when he tried to eat a tire to the tunes of Korsakovo to the alien who is front and center of the recent Disney/Muppet outings, except for one thing:

Dave Golez, the man who has had his hand up Gonzo's tucus, since the first episode of the Muppet Show. Gonzo and Golez are the only character/puppeteer combo to remain in tact since the beginning. Golez/Gonzo are the reason that any heart, any humor, and since of nostalgia are part of recent Muppet productions.

So while I am not a fan of rounded heads and simple color schemes (these ain't the telletubbies) I do love me some Gonzo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm_edolD3O0&feature=email

I can't the video to load, so just copy and paste the link. Trust me, it's worth 2 minutes, if nothing else to see my favorite Muppet and get a small peek into my mind.

Just a Thought

2009-04-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

PLUS

EQUALS

2009-04-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

coming soon-as soon as I can figure out how to lay out the pics the way i want you can all see pics of my current dwelling.

The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth

2009-04-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

I was in Target today, and among my purchases was the X-Men movies (Hey, the first two weren't bad, and it came with a $10 coupon for the Wolverine Movie.) The 20 something female Target worker commented on the purchase asking if I was getting ready for the new Wolverine movie, and that she was excited for the film. She also mentioned that before Return of the King came out she bought the other two films and watched them in preparation.

Comics and geekdom ain't just for kids (or even just for boys) any more.

On a tangentially related note, is it sad the thing I am most excited about in relation to the upcoming Captain America film is all the tie-ins that will be hitting the shelves?

random thoughts

2009-04-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

The forgivness of God doesn't simply restore us to the way we were before, but to the way we were meant to be.
The genesis of Sesame Street was a father wondering aloud if television could be used to teach preschool aged children.
The Watchmen book is better than the film.
Same with Prince Caspian.
Ditto for the Passion of the Christ.
The Muppet Movie never gets old.
Disney has DVDs where the commentary isn't simply a rehash of the info learned on the making of documentaries.
I am now a volunteer for Redwood Kids http://www.redwoodcovenant.org/connect/rwkids.shtml
The main puppet characters at Redwood are named Sven and Ollie.
When I was a kid, the pastor of my church often told Sven and Ollie jokes.
I can't believe the good fortune I have had in finding a church/small group.
This is the fourth time the first church I attended has been the church I made my home church (high school, college, Grace, and now here). In the case of Grace and Redwood Covenant Church (aka RCC) they were not only the first church I attended, but the only church.
I am contracted to stay at camp through the summer
I won't make it home for VBS =(
I am trying to find another, less busy week, to visit Long Beach.
The act of Jesus kneeling to wash the disciples feet (John 13) is also an act of lifting them up.
The God who made the cosmos, stripped down, wrapped a towel around himself, and washed the feet of the disciples. Showing not only an example of service, but one of giving worth to those men, an act that would be repeated and magnified as He died on the cross in our place.
There were no guests (not counting three families of co-workers) this weekend, so that means we don't have to pick up trash before work this morning. (We usually pick Friday afternoon after the kids leave and again Monday or Tuesday after weekend guests leave and before the kids arrive.)
The fifteen minutes I had before work have now been filled by this list.