A Year Ago Today ( "Fear the Lord")

A year ago...

I worked in a redwood forest.
I had my faith shaken in the ministry I was working for.
I found out that Howard's doesn't serve dinner.
I was asked my favorite question that I have ever been asked.

today...
I live, work, and attend seminary in Chicago.
I played "21" instead of a full game, because only two other people showed up for ball this morning.
I left early because we finished early...
..I met a man who need $6 for his child's medicine (I only had a $20 so that is what I gave him). I don't know what his need truly was, but it doesn't matter.
I sit in the office at CCP (The Church where I serve as Children's Ministry Intern).

I wonder today, what I wondered a year ago.
When will it end? When will the truth be exposed and I be found out to be a fraud?

I wonder if I have the strength to change.
I wonder how different I really am. I wonder if I am different, but not for the better.

Fear Not, the angel said to Joshua.
Fear Not, the angel said to Mary.
Fear Not, the angel said to the Shepherds.

But they were those who God had picked to lead, to bear, to witness what He was about to do, because of who they were, because of their faithfulness.

Feat Not, the angel said to Gideon.

Fear Not, the holy messenger said to the man hiding in a wine press. Fear Not, though the number of men who will fight with you is cut in half, and then cut in half again, and then cut again. Fear Not though you come at the problem with flashlights and Tupperware.

Fear Not though the only thing you have to trust in is God Almighty. Fear Not.

Lord,
I have nothing to give. Except my surrender. And yet I hold on. And yet I fear.

Today I remember when I thought I had it all. Today I want. Instead of you, I want my control back.

You stand before me and you say "Fear Not.' You remind me that the battle is not mine and never was.

I have seen you work in my life time and time again.
Yet like the nation who cried to you for deliverance,
the nation who gave you honor until they had been given comfort,
the nation who asked for kings that they could see;

I balk, I forget, I fret, I sin, I shutter at the light, I fear.

Yet while the light exposes the filth that fills my life, the light also purifies the stain.

You never leave us where you find us.
You always have an answer.
The answer is always the blood of your son.
The answer is always your perfect love.


Your perfect love...



...that drives out fear.