For my own amusment

So I have been at LAX fro roughly 12 hours now. I am flying standby. I am not complaining. I was able to get a friends and family ticket super cheap. That allowed me to go home and see friends and family. It allowed me to start 2012 in the place I began 2011. It allowed me time to reflect on 2011 its ups and downs, and to begin to embrace the change of that year and the challenges of this coming year. There is a blog or two in all of that.

But for now I am simply writing a blog for my own amusement. The next flight to Chicago doesn't leave for another 30 minutes, and I need to keep myself occupied in that time cause I have been here-as I said for 12 hours, and am getting quite bored.

Here is a list of some things to bring with you when you might have to spend more than 10 hours in an airport. Not just what you needs for a 10 hour day by yourself, but what you might want for ten hours in an airport.

In no particular order:

#1 Noise cancelling headphones
The ambient noise changes just enough that it is really hard to block it all the way out. I have a Bible, a computer, and a year of growth and change to process and I couldn't find a place where I could hear myself think.

#2 A really good book. Not the new book you are trying out, not a text book to get ahead in your reading. That book that takes you away. That book you can read a 1,000 times and its still new. I wish I had one (or more of those now.) I could really use a portal to Narnia

#3 Snacks-or a gift card to Mc Donalds

#4 If you are a video junkie, Music and Movies-along with those noise cancelling headphones.

#5 Journal/sketch pad/camera

#6 A single lightly packed carry on. Seriously, check the rest of it. You don't want to be lugging around multiple bags all day

#7 Comfy shoes and a pair of clean socks.

#8 a toothbrush and deodorant

#9 Layers

#10 A traveling buddy

#11 a since of the moment, an ability to reflect on the past, the ability to be "alone" in a crowd

#12 a time piece

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

The Muppets speak truth

A month ago I wrote a blog entitled "The Muppet are Liars"

It came for a place of beginning to heal from some past hurts. It came from a place of loving the Muppets but knowing that life is not like a movie, much less one we write.

Even, as I wrote the blog, I knew there was a part two. While the opening number of the new Muppet movie conveniently entitled "The Muppets" starts with a song that could easily be interpreted as one about needing others by your side and life being grand when this is the case, the film's ending speaks of community, acceptance, and being stronger as a whole than as individual (even paired individual) pieces.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE MUPPETS
(you have been warned-cause apparently spoiler warning are good etiquette here on the interwebs).

Act II of the Muppets ends with a song entitled "Man or Muppet." The two main characters must decide what they want most in life and then choose to pursue it. I first saw this film in August, less than a week before leaving for Chicago to pursue what I want most in life.

A new Muppet named Walter is told that he believes in other people, but that is the easy thing. Walter is admonished that eventually he will have to believe in himself. Now without getting into the idea that we are all okay and can make our dreams come true (I am looking at you Muppet Babies). There is the fact that if we believe that we can't do anything, than we won't.

In the middle of Act III The Muppets, despite kidnapping Jack Black as celebrity guest host for their theatre saving telethon, loose their theatre and the Muppet name due to a maguffan of a clause in their 1979 Rich and Famous Contract.

At the films denouement, Kermit gives an impassioned speech about how it was not the name or the building that made the Muppets special. By letting all of them that he believes in them, Kermit lets all of his cast-mates and friends know that they are a like a family to him,

The finale has the entire Muppet cast sing a reprise of the "Happy Song" that began our film. Now instead of a a focus on family (Gary and Walter) or couples in love (Gary and Mary), the song takes on new significance of community. The Muppets are what I like to call "found family." They are more than mere friends, they are family. Their are roles of leadership and roles of support. Those in leadership look to allow everyone to find their voice. Believing in each other, believing in self, and becoming what they want to be are all important focuses of the Muppets as their found family.

Now where in ourselves should we look? Some will say to God in us, or to ourselves, or even the god in us. This particular blog post is not about the answer to that question (I'm sure everyone here knows my answer).

This blog post is to say that in a time where I am learning to follow my passions and believe in my worth, I am eternally grateful for the community that surrounds me here at North Park Seminary. Listening ears, open hearts, acceptance, encouragement, a hot dish brought to potluck, a game of pick up basketball, or even a smile. All of you have upheld me this semester. Thank you so much.



--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

A Year Ago Today

Today I sit in a Caribou Coffee, wearing my new (thanks to my church's generosity) blue fleece and listening to the sounds of the customers blend with the pop/semi-acoustic/coffee house stylings of music carried by the PA system; looking out over an overcast December sky in Illinois.

A Year Ago I sat in a coffee shop/restaurant in South Africa listening to the testimonies of Merv and the other South African Men on the team speak of the impact I was having on the children of that country; looking out over the interior of an upscale mall a world from home.

My mind has wandered back to South Africa several times in the last few weeks. The contrasts are striking.

Today-cold and overcast
A Year Ago-hot and clear

Today-Miles with no topography
A Year Ago-Table Mountain always in the backdrop

Days full of activities and people
Days full of books and computer screens

Learning through service
Learning through lecture

A Year Ago- Confident in who I was but unsure of how to move forward
Today-Confident I am on a path, but unsure of who I am

A Year Ago-moving forward, learning, growing, healing, confidence
Today-stillness, learning, stretching, refining, questions

A Year Ago I wrote in my journal about being on a hero's quest.

Last November I did brave things. I flew across the globe, made sandwiches, played games, sang songs, changed lives.

Last August I did a brave thing. I flew across the country (okay, only half way, but I am trying to construct parallels here). I have made friends and memories, played games and sang songs. But now it is my life that is changing.

I feel like the journey has halted. But it hasn't, the movement has simply stopped. However, in any good story, especially a quest, there is time to stop and survey, time to stop and struggle, a time to wrestle and overcome.

A Year Ago God assured me that I was made for a purpose. He reminded me that he wanted my availability.

Today God is teaching me that he wishes to remake me into his image. He is reminding me that what he needs is my availability.

Both are for the same purpose. That purpose is to bring all Glory to God.

A Year Ago I knew what but not how.
Today I am learning the how, and praying for the strength to pay its cost, knowing the what still lies ahead ...

...on this ever onward hero's quest.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Ink on Paper

I really wanted to title this entry Ink on Paper, and while I guess I did, I really wish it was more accurate.

Way back in August, when the grass was still green and the air was still clean I the Oncler, no wait wrong story.

Way back in August I went into our Field Education office looking for a local Children's Ministry to volunteer in. I was hoping to maybe find a place that needed a Sunday School Teacher once a month. I was given the name of a church that is .8 miles from campus.

I emailed and then met with the Pastor of this church. His first question to me was "What do you want out of an internship?" I believe my response was something along the line of "whahuh?"

Lost in translation between myself and the filed ed office was that this church was looking for a part time intern to help out their Children's Ministry. In the last two and half months I have been helping with both hours of Sunday School and been discussing with the Children's Ministry Director and the Pastor what an internship would look like based on their needs and my abilities (and also based on their abilities and my needs).

I haven't written about this opportunity yet, because I wanted to the ink of the contract to be dry before I did. I didn't want to jump the gun or speak out of turn.

Friday I went in and met with the Pastor (Charles, aka Pastor C, aka "just" Pastor) and reviewed the contract-that is really a covenant- and discussed salary-which is really a stipend and housing. There is a 2-flat (apartment for those of you on the West Coast) above the church office (which is next door to the church building) that they use for interns that I will be moving into in January.

That's right I am now "employed" by a church.

It is a Presbyterian Church with a predominately Japanese congregation of about 200. There are roughly 20 elementary students who make up the Children's Ministry.

The covenant is drawn up, I have approved it, the church board has approved it, I just haven't signed it, because it wasn't printed out last Sunday (granted we had communion, baptism, new member reception, and a son of the church announcing he has been called to a church in New York as their new pastor-so there were some other things going on as well). Thus I have the job I just haven't put ink on paper yet.

My role will be to help with the Sunday School hours, help at camp, VBS, etc, as well as work on curriculum development. These are really bright kids and we want to be intentional about what and how we are teaching and disciplining them.

While I will still have to take out loans to cover tuition for the rest of my time here, finding a job that covers housing will allow me to stay in Chicago and at North Park.

Two years ago I was sitting in the back of a Jeep listening to "Video Killed the Radio Star" as myself and three other naturalist drove the trials at night (and by that I mean we have never taken personal vehicles off-roading at ARCG). My thought, which I spoke aloud, was "If you had told me five years ago that I would be off-roading at a camp where I work as I listen to "Video Killed the Radio Star" I would have never believed you."

Now I am sitting in the library at seminary in Chicago about to become an intern for Japanese Presbyterian Children's Ministry. Five years or five months ago, if anyone had told me that I would never have believed them.

This is just one example of how God has surprised me and provided for me during my time here at North Park.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

And that is just the physical needs.

The work that God is beginning on who I am. I don't even have the words for that (shocking I know).

The Muppets are liars!

It kills me to say this, but the Muppets are liars.

Let me back up a little.

My senior year of college was marked with some pretty melancholy moments. I know its not terribly unique to feel this way in your early 20s. Heartbreak and confusion of what the future would hold could hang pretty heavy in my dorm room that year. My roomate and I even had this unspoken contest as to who could pin the most depressing song lyrics on our walls. It got pretty ridiculous, until one day I decided to go another route.

I put up the lyrics to a song from the Muppet Movie. The song is entitled "I Hope that Somethi' Better Comes Along." It is an upbeat little number sung by a frog and dog bemoaning the difficulties of relationships. For me that was the ray of optimism (and absurdity) that broke through the clouds of our little self centered world.

As the years passed, graduation, jobs, new lives, and marriages for my college friends all took place. On the card for my college roomate at his weeding, I wrote the line"I am glad your something better came along."

Here I am nearly twelve years later. And melancholy is a pretty easy mode to slip into.

The link above is from the newest Muppet film (debuting Nov 23). One of the lyrics states, "Life's a happy song, when you have someone by your side to sing along." I can do several things with this lyric. I can bemoan that fact that I am alone (I'm not, but I am certainty not living the story I had envisioned I would be twelve years out of undergraduate school.). I can focus on the community that is around me (which I am trying so very hard to do. I always assume that no one wants to deal with my stuff, should have to deal with my stuff, or simply has there own stuff to deal with). Or I can do something completely else.

I cam realize that the Muppets are liars.

In the same movie where the frog and the dog sing of the woes caused by inter-species relationships, there is a much more famous song, "The Rainbow Connection." It is the song that opens the film. The Muppet Movie ends with what is essentially the second stanza of "The Rainbow Connection" known as the "Magic Store."

"The Magic Store" begins with these words "Life is a story. Write your own ending."

Part of me wishes that sentiment was true. I would love to take pen to paper and make my wishes and dreams come true. However, the wiser part of me knows that we do not write our own endings. God does. God is the author of this hero's journey I am on.

I can do many things as I look at the story of my life. I can look too far too deeply into the past and become stuck there unable to be effective here and now. I can do the same with the future.

But in this story it is the author who is omniscient and not I. I do not know what the future holds and honestly barely understand what the present holds.

I do not know why registration is such a difficult task for me to understand, or why my radiator hates me, I do not know why the school work can seem overwhelming at times.

I don't know when my something better may come along, I don't get to write my own ending.

But even without knowing those things, there is something I can do. I can be obedient.

I know one thing. And I am relatively sure of one thing.

God has made me to be a Children's Pastor. That is my call, that is my vocation, that is my core, that is my true self. I am relatively sure that North Park is the road to accomplishing becoming a Children's Pastor.

And so I push on. I obey. I do what I can to move through this course of education, and trust to God for the rest.

So my life can indeed be a happy song. Because I trust not in the plans I have, or in the ending I would write. I trust instead in the God who said these words.

"I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11.

The Muppets may be liars. But my God is not. So for now, for today, I will hold onto His plan and trust in His ending.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

God is amazing.

God is amazing.

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking of a clever title for my blog. Today I am just going to cut to the chase. God is amazing. Below is one chapter from my story that reminds me how amazing God is, how unthinkable it is that He would use me to let others know how amazing He is.

Seminary is hard. I tend to have one or two responses to this (after the sheer panic), fight or flight. Some days the challenge of the work and the pressing needs of life and Spiritual growth drive me to buckle down, dive in, fly right, and many other clichéd sayings to get the work done. I “fight.” I rise to the challenge (As and Bs thus far, thankyouverymuch.)

Others days see me in full flight mode. Overwhelmed by the amount of work to do (whether it be in the classroom or wrestling with God as he shapes me into a new person) I run. I dive not into books but into media. It could be online vids, playing chess against the computer, watching old episodes of the Muppets, or even simply sleep. Sunday evening was a time of flight.

When I run, somehow the free time I have is eaten away and suddenly then it’s time for bed. By now I am so engrossed in learning about the impeding Muppets appearance on WWE (which actually happened) or simply determined to beat the computer in a game of chess (I think my win percent is like 8%, and even that doesn’t count the dozens of games I have quit in the middle of facing the inevitable checkmate of the PC.) that I push back a half hour of sleep for a half hour of play. Then it’s “one more vid” “one more game.” Before I know it is 1:00am and Chapel starts in 7 and half hours.

That was Sunday night. The spiral of sloth and avoidance led not to rest but self-destruction. But I figured Monday (Halloween) would be a good day. Monday means costumes and candy, and more importantly it means opening up the church and allowing the neighborhood to come enjoy costumes and candy, as well as games and the Gospel. I was sharing the Good News of Christ that night, and I was going to use the analogy of a Jack-O-Lantern to do so. (Think of the analogy that comes from II Cor 5:17 about new creations that you have heard about butterflies, and sub in pumpkin to Jack-O-Lantern.) I knew that I needed a Jack-O-Lantern prepped and ready to go before Monday.

The Tuesday before a friend and myself spent the evening carving Jack-O-Lanterns. I put mine out back so that it wouldn’t rot. The squirrels (which there are plenty of around these parts) got to my Pumpkin and nibbled at the eye sockets. An easy enough fix, but I decided to bring the Lantern in to avoid any other potential damage caused by hungry rodents.

Before we continue a little background is necessary. I have lived in several places, and while they were all in California several of them experienced cold weather (not Midwest cold, but still cold). I have lived in houses that have been heated by stoves, fireplaces, and central heat. My apartment in Chicago has something I haven’t used before, a radiator. It seems like a simple enough device to work, and yet the thing confounds me. It turns on at random times (the middle of the night, when I am at class). I have turned the valve to the off position and still the thing comes on. Monday night as I sat in the living room wasting my time, the radiator sprang to life (and when I say sprang it gurgled and hissed and clunked its way into action). I went over and turned it off. It stopped producing heat and it stopped making noise. It stayed in this state as I spent my evening watching the special features on the Captain America DVD.

Now back to our story…

I woke up on Monday morning at exactly 9:30am, the time that chapel starts. I was discouraged that I had missed an opportunity for learning and community. However, I was not dissuaded. I had homework to do before class, then a lovely evening of sharing how amazing my God is.

As I left the bedroom I heard the hiss of my radiator. I swear the thing doesn’t like me. Because not only was it on, it was on full tilt and it was actually hot in my apartment. I went into the kitchen to check on my Jack-O-Lantern. It had melted. Sure the scientific term would be rotted, but it looked like a deflated balloon. A giant orange balloon that was leaking on my kitchen floor. The Jack-O-Lantern was taken to the compost pile behind the apartments, the floor was cleaned, and I like the once might Lantern was deflated and defeated. I grabbed my computer and sank back into my online world.

Fortunately, my online world also holds many of the people of my present community. I received two offers to help me carve a new pumpkin. But I made the excuse of time to both. I didn’t want to be in community just then. I was lazy and slothful, I clearly can’t work a radiator, my visual aid is now useless, and all this means that God can’t use me (It doesn’t but that was my mindset).

So I sat and pouted and prayed. I prayed that despite my rotten pumpkin and my sour attitude that God would use me to make himself known that night at church.

I went to class. My Monday class is actually a small group where we are sharing in each other’s lives through the weekly telling of small bits of our stories centered around a theme. Today’s theme was Transition. I shared, but not much. I couldn’t find the words (shocking I know). I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be in seminary, I felt that clearly I was failing in effective ministry, I felt like I was out of place.

The church I attend is a little less than a mile from campus. As I walked to the Harvest Festival I prayed once again that God would use me despite myself.

I had enough time to use one of the “before” pumpkins that were at the church to turn it into a new Jack-0-Lantern. So now things were set. Now that I had my object I could teach my lesson.

I honestly thought that God would use me only in spite of myself. But He didn’t. He used me. He used my gifts and abilities to teach the Gospel. He used my love of stories to explain how amazing He is.

There was one girl that came to story time twice. She asked questions both times. I don’t know how my answers will be used in her story as God calls her to know and love Him. I am not so vain to think that without her encounter with me, God would be lacking in resources to draw her unto himself. But I do know this. God used me when I didn’t think I could be used, when I assumed that I shouldn’t be used.

Why? Because God is amazing.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau

my visual aids for learning the Gospel's characteristics

Sometimes inspiration hits and you get distracted with pointless projects.

Below are the visual representations I will be using to help me remember the characteristics of the Gospels:

Matthew
Teacher/Collector










Discourses/The Church


Mark
Action












Conflict/Fear
Problematic ending


Luke
Volume One of Two












Concern for the poor

John
Unique












wordplay/irony
misunderstanding
God as Father

And now back to work....