Clouds

I was once asked what time in my life did I most feel the presence of God. When did I feel like I was most fully in the will of God.  My answer was the time I spent in South Africa in 2010. That answer is still true today.

If you have paid any attention to my facebook photos, you would know that I have a fascination with clouds. This preoccupation began that November when I visited South Africa.  Our time was spent near the southern coast.  It seemed no matter where we went we had an ever present view of Table Mountain. More often than not the mountain was adorned with clouds. Table Mountain with its ever present halo became for me a symbol of the presence of God. It called to mind the presence of God hovering over Mt. Sinai while the Israelites waited to receive the Law. To this day when I see a sky filled clouds I am reminded that is God is present.

However, remembering and feeling are two different things. I can know the goodness of God and not open myself to allow that reality to touch and shape me. Largely (though not solely) this is what I have done this summer. I have seen God at work, but not allowed that reality to penetrate my stubborn and fearful heart.

In the late afternoon of June 15 I looked out my window and noted that the sky was blue and the clouds were out. Grabbing my camera, I went for a walk to capture the beauty of God. The exercise began a a simple indulging of my blossoming hobby of photography. However, it ended in a lesson of the presence of God.

The image of the clouds in South Africa spoke to me of the presence of God not simply in the way they reflect his beauty and majesty.  It was the image of the clouds descending upon and hanging over Table Mountain that called to my mind the presence of God.

I began to point my camera skyward, initially the clouds were the sole subject of my shot. Not satisfied with the result, I lowered my lens and framed a building to give the clouds contrast and scope. As I did so, I realized that God was present here in Menominee, MI just as he was in South Africa. Of course I knew that before checking the result of the picture in the camera’s display, but the image brought knowledge not just to my thoughts but to my spirit as well. 

The album that is linked to and the inspiration for this blog contains shots of clouds over schools, churches, government buildings, and businesses. It is comprised of the presence of God over Menominee, and it serves as a reminder of the presence of God in me.

Menominee, MI 6-15-14

 

 

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

My healing...

“One may be cured and healed, or cured and not healed. It is also possible that one may not experience a cure to their disease, but be healed in the midst of it. … Cure is temporary, since all die; but healing is forever (Health Human Life, Bruckner pp. 212-213).” These two sentences encapsulate my personal journey of healing this semester.

I wrote during the first blog of this semester that I had not yet experienced my healing moment. At the time I understood healing in light of cure rather than in light of the wholeness is discussed throughout Bruckner's book. I expected my struggle to go away, to be taken care of, to be cured. However, at least for now, I join Paul in stating that “my thorn” has yet to be removed. I stand “un-cured.”

Yet, my healing moment has begun. I am learning that healing (wholeness) in the presence of, even in spite of malady and imperfection is possible. I have found wholeness even without “perfection”. (Perfection being the idea that a whole, complete and optimally functioning physical body is necessary to be “healthy”.) I found peace with my God (e.g. right relationship). I am trusting his healing work in my life.

As noted above my “thorn” remains. There are days when it causes more pain and days when it causes less. There are days where I am ever mindful of its impact upon my life, and days when freedom reigns in my heart and mind. I am not cured, but I am living into my healing. Paraphrasing the words of Paul I can now proclaim, “Thanks be to God who makes me whole through Jesus Christ.”

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau



















Coming Next week, a review of my semester, via my review of the films I have viewed this year.

No one thing

This last month as been filled with many thoughts and many gifts. My soul is lighter as I learn more fully how to carry my worth for myself. My soul is lighter as I am gifted to carry the burdens of others.

The gift of constant affirmation of my calling has come like the ocean breaking upon shores of stubborn rock. These affirmations have worn away the hardness of my heat, as I accepti the truth of my value before Almighty God.

I walk each day in health.  Some days better than others. I am learning to let go of the imperfection of yesterday's journey and embrace what I can do today to live a life of health. I am learning to surrender to God that which I can not do myself.

My life is very much about the present. Even as I learn to untangle the past; even as glimpses of the future unfold before me, I am learning to be present.

There is no one story or study that caused these thoughts. There is no one perfect illustration from my life that sums up how the Spirit has been moving in and through me. Simply know dear friend, that I am living well.

That is not to say that pain is absent or that hurt has gone away. That is not to say that anything is perfect.  But that is the point. Perfection is no longer my goal or my standard. Perfection is no longer my noose or the cause of my defeating thoughts.

Perfection is my Father, my God, my Redeemer. I run toward Him. I press into Him.  Some days I walk. Other days I sit, knowing that He is already where I am. Many days He reaches toward me, when I forget to reach toward Him.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau

Imagining Mud

This semester my goal is to post four monthly blog entries arriving on the first Wednesday of each month. My guess is that they will revolve around my class “Christian Perspectives in Health and Healing” and the main text book “Healthy Human Life: A Biblical Witness” info here.

Health and its relationship to spirituality has been an underlying focus of my time here in seminary. This class has given me language to express what the Lord has been teaching me during my time in Chicago. I enrolled in the class to gain a fuller understanding of Shalom. The idea of Shalom carries a sense of wholeness to it.

This is something I wish to explore more deeply. My faith has long been one of segregation. My mind, body, soul, and spirit were all viewed as separate things. My faith was tied to my mind. If I thought correctly, I would act correctly; and my spirit would be at peace. Care for my body was relegated to right actions. These actions focused on the negative, what I didn’t do (smoke, cuss, or chew as the old adage goes). During high school, I didn’t drink alcohol. This wasn’t because I was young and it could harm me, but because it wasn’t what “good Christians did.” Again, my actions were driven by right and wrong. My care for myself was based on avoiding sin.

Since I have come to North Park, words like, holistic, self-care, and Shalom have begun to become a part of my vocabulary, and are finding their way into my practices. Yet, I still struggle with right and wrong. I still wonder if I am doing the things that please God. I too often fall back on a false theology that states God is only pleased with me in relationship to the number of right things I do. I fall back on the false perception that right thinking leads to right action, and wrong/sinful thinking leads to wrong/sinful actions.

God is good, and God heals, however, I often feel like I am still waiting for my healing experience. I have some issues that pride and fear, as well as prudence keep me from describing in detail here on-line. What I have come to understand is that I do believe that I am loved by God. My theology states that I was created by God, but I do not think of myself as created by God.

My imagination does not see the hand of God reaching down to craft my form from mud. It does not sense the breath of God filling my lungs. I do not recognize myself to be one who reflects the image of God. Instead, I see myself as less than.

But this is okay. Because it simply is. What is cannot be changed. What can change is what will be. I currently live in community where my worth is held for me. Others know what I know (that I am made in the imago Dei) but more importantly, they see that I am made in the image of God. They see my worth, and they speak truth into my life. They give light to my soul. They hold for me what I cannot hold for myself.

Someday it will be that I see my own worth. On that day I will hold my own story, and the light in my soul will come from my imagination now freed to view myself as a worthy child of God.

 --Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau

Bonus Poem

Many are familiar with the poem

Dance

   As though no one is watching you

Love

   As though you have never been hurt before

Sing

   As though no one can hear you

Live

   As though heaven is on earth

                                               

               --Alfred D Souza

Today, a friend sent out the challenge to write our own poem full of pithy wisdom. Below is my "version"

Answer

Like your grade doesn't depend on it

Debate

Like no matter you say, they will still be your friend

Play

Like the outcome matters

Live

Like it doesn’t

Rest

Just Rest

Be Selfish enough to be able to give to others

Cookies are acceptable breakfast

But only when eaten as though they were cereal

Laugh

Like those listening are charmed by the sound

Love

Even if it means being hurt again

Dance

Your cares away

Worries for another day

Never be ashamed of what brings you true joy

Live
with those who will remind you of your worth, even when you have forgotten

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau