 |
| From "Puggles" (2-5 yr olds) during Home School Week 2010 |
Sunday, March 21, 2010
a question or two
Are contentment and comfort the same thing?
Can either one hinder our growth in God?
Are either one something to avoid?
These are the larger questions bouncing around in my brain that answer the smaller questions currently pressing on my heart.
Can either one hinder our growth in God?
Are either one something to avoid?
These are the larger questions bouncing around in my brain that answer the smaller questions currently pressing on my heart.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Work in Progress
March is half over and I haven't written since February. I have had a ton on my mind, but nothing concrete. So instead of a beautifully crafted essay on my job (like this one) or a funny list from my awesome adventure (like this one). You get the promised, I will write more even if it is train of thought and only makes sense to me blog.
I feel like I should be writing about St. Patty's day or March Madness. Or maybe something spiritual like Lent. However, none of these things are on my radar.
The only thing on my mind these days is "what do I want to be when I grow up?" "And where should I attend church?" Questions that make me feel like a high school senior. Questions that when I was a high school senior I had all figured out.
I was going to be a high school history and Bible teacher. I was going to be Mr. Wickstrom (that is I wanted to be just like my high school history teacher). I was good enough and I was smart enough. Then God reminded me that I was neither, so long as I was striving for things of this world under my own power.
Slowly over the next decade or so, God gave me a passion and a gifting for elementary classrooms and Children's Ministries. And there is where I want to go. Only I don't know how. Okay, that is a lie. I know how, I am just terrified of falling on my face. I am terrified of doing it wrong. Or worse, doing it well and having responsibilities and expectations that take away from my ability to fall asleep watching Spider-Man for the fourteenth time. Basically. it is not a matter of not knowing what I want to do when I grow up, but not really wanting to grow up.
I am not sure if I have gone into great length about journeys and destinations on this blog, but I know I mentioned that for a long time I was seeking/wishing for the destination without the journey. I have come to learn that not only can you not arrive at the destination without the journey, but that it means nothing without it. So, I want to take the journey. Kind of.
Last year (and really the year before) God was teaching me about community. And not that I have mastered the lesson (do we ever fully grasp what God has for us), this year the focus seems to be on exploration. Stepping out into the unknown. Taking a risk. Faith.
My faith is so small. I have seen God work in incredible ways, and yet I constantly wonder if this time He can really do all He said He would.
This time is different, this time is important.
Then He reminds me of His goodness, I trust (at least for a while), and all is well with me and my Redeemer. Faith is not my greatest gifting. Faith is not where I excel in my walk with Jesus. Thankfully, all it takes is the faith of a mustard seed (or even the faith of a Redwood seed-man those giant trees come from the smallest seed).
Thankfully, it is not I who accomplish God's work, but God who accomplishes God work. Thankfully, I get a front row seat and am reminded again of his love, grace, provision, power, acceptance....
So what brought all this on? Two simple acts really. One was Saturday afternoon, the other was this afternoon.
I have been going to a church here in Santa Rosa where I love the children's ministry, but am not challenged by the sermons. I can't plug into the fellowship there, because I don't have a car, so it is hard to commit to anything. Plus, it appears that the post college Bible study has become more of a small group(s), and I just don't have the time for that right now. I need the flexibility to miss a week if job, chance to hang with work friends, flat out need to nap crop up (as they do in this job). So, if it is so bad, why not go somewhere else?
I have also been attending a church that constantly challenges me both on Sunday mornings and during the Saturday night Bible study (going through First Corinthians and John respectively). The Bible study has a "built in" community to it, and is exactly what I need. I know that where ever God has me on Sundays, He has me there on Saturdays.
But here is the problem. Just when, literally only days before, I decide that I am going to commit to the second fellowship, I attend one last activity at the church with the awesome Children's Ministry.
Kind of a farewell, thanks for allowing me to be a part of it. Now mind you, I haven't spoken of this decision to anyone. Only God and I know that for now, I need to lay down Children's Ministry and focus on my personal growth. The activity was once a sleep over event, and is now "merely" activities from 4 to 9 pm. So to make a short story long, everything changed (for me) on Saturday evening at around 5:20pm.
I had to leave the event early, so that I could make it for dinner/Bible study at the second church. Early in the evening, the Children's Pastor was scheduled to get on stage and sing a camp song (Baby Shark, for those of you familiar with the genre).
However, he was busy elsewhere so I jumped on stage and sang it instead (after all, I work at a camp, I'm paid to sing these songs with large groups of kids). Everyone was really impressed (apparently I am a quiet guy who comes alive on stage) with the song as well as the game we played next (which felt like a bad Nickelodeon sketch, but the kids loved it).
So back to 5:20pm. The kids have just started eating their dinner, the volunteer dinner is being served, and I am ready to take off. I find the Children's pastor to let him know. And he says, "Thanks for your help. We really have to get you up front more, even on Sundays." Now, I don't know exactly what this means, and I still don't have a reliable ride to Sunday mornings, but even the chance of really getting involved, or learning and growing in ministry really has me excited. This is where my passion is, this is where my gifting is. This is where I want to be. I am even thinking about applying for a position, somewhere as a Children's Pastor.
And yet,
Today, I worked on straightening my room. The goal was two fold. Find my watch-no idea where the stupid thing went-and yes it ran off, I didn't loose it- and find my letters of rec, resume, credential, etc, so that I can honestly and earnestly start to look for classroom positions. What did I do instead?
I fell asleep watching Spider-Man for the fifteen time.
I was going to work some Muppet Babies quotes in here, but instead I would ask that you all join in prayer as I decide what path I want to pursue. And for courage to open the doors of paths that are a little bit scary.
--Serving Him alongside you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau
I feel like I should be writing about St. Patty's day or March Madness. Or maybe something spiritual like Lent. However, none of these things are on my radar.
The only thing on my mind these days is "what do I want to be when I grow up?" "And where should I attend church?" Questions that make me feel like a high school senior. Questions that when I was a high school senior I had all figured out.
I was going to be a high school history and Bible teacher. I was going to be Mr. Wickstrom (that is I wanted to be just like my high school history teacher). I was good enough and I was smart enough. Then God reminded me that I was neither, so long as I was striving for things of this world under my own power.
Slowly over the next decade or so, God gave me a passion and a gifting for elementary classrooms and Children's Ministries. And there is where I want to go. Only I don't know how. Okay, that is a lie. I know how, I am just terrified of falling on my face. I am terrified of doing it wrong. Or worse, doing it well and having responsibilities and expectations that take away from my ability to fall asleep watching Spider-Man for the fourteenth time. Basically. it is not a matter of not knowing what I want to do when I grow up, but not really wanting to grow up.
I am not sure if I have gone into great length about journeys and destinations on this blog, but I know I mentioned that for a long time I was seeking/wishing for the destination without the journey. I have come to learn that not only can you not arrive at the destination without the journey, but that it means nothing without it. So, I want to take the journey. Kind of.
Last year (and really the year before) God was teaching me about community. And not that I have mastered the lesson (do we ever fully grasp what God has for us), this year the focus seems to be on exploration. Stepping out into the unknown. Taking a risk. Faith.
My faith is so small. I have seen God work in incredible ways, and yet I constantly wonder if this time He can really do all He said He would.
This time is different, this time is important.
Then He reminds me of His goodness, I trust (at least for a while), and all is well with me and my Redeemer. Faith is not my greatest gifting. Faith is not where I excel in my walk with Jesus. Thankfully, all it takes is the faith of a mustard seed (or even the faith of a Redwood seed-man those giant trees come from the smallest seed).
Thankfully, it is not I who accomplish God's work, but God who accomplishes God work. Thankfully, I get a front row seat and am reminded again of his love, grace, provision, power, acceptance....
So what brought all this on? Two simple acts really. One was Saturday afternoon, the other was this afternoon.
I have been going to a church here in Santa Rosa where I love the children's ministry, but am not challenged by the sermons. I can't plug into the fellowship there, because I don't have a car, so it is hard to commit to anything. Plus, it appears that the post college Bible study has become more of a small group(s), and I just don't have the time for that right now. I need the flexibility to miss a week if job, chance to hang with work friends, flat out need to nap crop up (as they do in this job). So, if it is so bad, why not go somewhere else?
I have also been attending a church that constantly challenges me both on Sunday mornings and during the Saturday night Bible study (going through First Corinthians and John respectively). The Bible study has a "built in" community to it, and is exactly what I need. I know that where ever God has me on Sundays, He has me there on Saturdays.
But here is the problem. Just when, literally only days before, I decide that I am going to commit to the second fellowship, I attend one last activity at the church with the awesome Children's Ministry.
Kind of a farewell, thanks for allowing me to be a part of it. Now mind you, I haven't spoken of this decision to anyone. Only God and I know that for now, I need to lay down Children's Ministry and focus on my personal growth. The activity was once a sleep over event, and is now "merely" activities from 4 to 9 pm. So to make a short story long, everything changed (for me) on Saturday evening at around 5:20pm.
I had to leave the event early, so that I could make it for dinner/Bible study at the second church. Early in the evening, the Children's Pastor was scheduled to get on stage and sing a camp song (Baby Shark, for those of you familiar with the genre).
However, he was busy elsewhere so I jumped on stage and sang it instead (after all, I work at a camp, I'm paid to sing these songs with large groups of kids). Everyone was really impressed (apparently I am a quiet guy who comes alive on stage) with the song as well as the game we played next (which felt like a bad Nickelodeon sketch, but the kids loved it).
So back to 5:20pm. The kids have just started eating their dinner, the volunteer dinner is being served, and I am ready to take off. I find the Children's pastor to let him know. And he says, "Thanks for your help. We really have to get you up front more, even on Sundays." Now, I don't know exactly what this means, and I still don't have a reliable ride to Sunday mornings, but even the chance of really getting involved, or learning and growing in ministry really has me excited. This is where my passion is, this is where my gifting is. This is where I want to be. I am even thinking about applying for a position, somewhere as a Children's Pastor.
And yet,
Today, I worked on straightening my room. The goal was two fold. Find my watch-no idea where the stupid thing went-and yes it ran off, I didn't loose it- and find my letters of rec, resume, credential, etc, so that I can honestly and earnestly start to look for classroom positions. What did I do instead?
I fell asleep watching Spider-Man for the fifteen time.
I was going to work some Muppet Babies quotes in here, but instead I would ask that you all join in prayer as I decide what path I want to pursue. And for courage to open the doors of paths that are a little bit scary.
--Serving Him alongside you, just from further away
--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)