For Mike

My Top 10 tricks and such I have learned working with kids

1) Always be positive

This includes your attitude, but also your speech and your directions. Rather than say, “Stop running.” Ask them to walk. Rather than tell them to “Turn around, stop talking, and finish your homework.” Tell them they need to keep working on the task at hand.

2) Be consistent.

Never promise: I once told a sixth grade class that if they were the most respectful period I would leave a bag of Jolly Ranchers for their teacher, and let her knows who was the best period. They weren’t the best period, I don’t them that, and still years later they were claiming to be owed candy.

Never threaten: Don’t make up punishments the kids know you won’t follow up on (If you don’t… I am going to hang you by your toes), don’t give punishments you don’t want to follow up on (Knock it if off or you are going to spend time with me afterwards; they know you don’t want to stay late, and will test you on that), don’t give punishments you don’t think are fair (I never took recess from a kid (unless specifically asked to by the regular classroom teacher.)

Bottom-line follow through

3) Give them choices

Kids love choices, if you let them choose (even if it is something simple like playing on the swings or on the basketball court, they will respond). There is also what I like to call the ridiculous choice (You can hand me the note, or you can hand it to the principal (however see number 2).

4) Broken Record.

Tell them what you want to see happen when they start to argue, repeat exactly what you just said. After three or four times they will either give up or start an argument. At this point walk away and give them the choice to follow directions or not.

5) Justice is important, but Roe, Sham Boe (maybe misspelled, it was Rock, Paper, Scissors in my day) is almost as good.
If kids treat each other unfairly (and they will), and you don’t know who is the right (eg someone cut in line) have then play roe, sham, boe to see who gets the better spot.

6) Life is not fair.

If you have more kids than you need helpers for a certain task, and a child says, that is not fair, simply tell them they are right. That you need only x number of helpers and that everyone won’t get a turn, and that it is not fair.

7) Establish your boundaries.
Physical boundaries are important, never touch a kid in a way you don’t want to be touched (e.g. messing up hair, being picked up off the ground, tickled). If they can’t do it to you, you can’t do it them. (See also #2).

8) Rule of threes

Generally speaking kids can’t follow more than three direction at a time, so keep your rules, directions, expectations, and explanations’ short and sweet. Limiting them to three is a good rule of thumb.

9) You are human, but you are not
Patience, grace, repeating yourself, and picking up after them, will be a part of your daily routine. Disobedience, disrespect, not listening, not remembering the first (or second) time will all be a part of their daily routine. Be ready that it will happen and be okay with it. Also realize it is NOT a reflection of you or your skills if a kid isn’t perfectly obedient or respectful.

10) You are human

This isn’t a universal, and may vary by situation, but don’t be afraid to apologize to a kid.
If you say the wrong thing or say it in the wrong way, don’t be afraid to let the kid know that you made a mistake (a valuable lesson in that we all make mistakes), that you care about them (a super valuable lesson), and then model correct language and behavior (use “I language,” don’t tell the child what you did was wrong (even if it was, but HOW you approached it-ie hurt their feelings), and don’t go into your personal life (I may care that your dog died and you were already in a bad mood when we got in a fight, but the kids don’t and it impacts number 9)

Bonus:
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Bonus: #2
What kids (or anyone) need is not always what they want. (see #1,2,5,6)