One More Time

Did I do enough? Did I see enough?

I never got out to Second City or the Science Museum! Is the car packed? Will I get to see everyone before I leave? I don’t have a picture of Wrigley Field! I didn’t pet a police horse! Is the car packed? Is there something on Foster I need to experience for the last time? Will I get to see everyone? Do they have board games and pick-up basketball in Texas? Is the car packed?

Did I do enough?

These thoughts ran on a loop through my brain as I approached my last week in Chicago. I was so concerned with “leaving well” I had forgotten to actually leave well. Thanks to some solid advice I was able to shift my thinking from worrying about the bucket list I had made for myself four years ago, and instead contemplate what I wanted to do with the week I had left. It was then I realized that what I wanted wasn’t brand new experiences unique to Chicago or to construct the "perfect" finish to my time.

What I needed to do was answer the question “If I have a week left in Chicago, what do I want to do with it?” The answer was to enjoy each fleeting moment. 

Rather than worry about manufacturing some “too good for a movie” ending to my time in the Windy City, I decided to enjoy “One More” time with the people and places that had made the last four years of my growth so special, so unique, and so cherished.

I stopped being obsessed with the past and what I had or hadn’t done.

I stopped being obsessed with the future and what I did or didn’t need to do.

I became content with the present. I sat and enjoyed “one more time” with the people and places that shaped my life these last four years. 

To all those who were a part of that week,

and to all those that were a part of these last four years,

so long and thanks for all the fish...

and here’s to the hope that we may meet again

One More Time

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau

video here

Lean Forward

Lean forward. Let your momentum carry you off the platform. And trust the zip line.

With these words I was able to encourage the students at Alliance Redwoods to ride our zip line; to encounter risks as well as rewards. Watching kids trust the zip line, watching them learn to trust themselves was the most encouraging, most fulfilling piece of my work as an Outdoor Educator. Hearing their screams of panic and regret turn to shouts of joy and delight was my absolute favorite part of the job.

Of course not every student was encouraged to take the “leap” off the platform by those words. Others needed to know the science and math of our cables and trolleys before they could muster the courage to leave the platform.

Most of our students however were unimpressed by the physics of their body in relationship to the pull of the trolley or the numbers that showed the reliability of our cables. Most students needed more encouragement to justify the risk of leaving a platform perched sixty feet in the air.

When this happened I knelt down next to them and said, “Bravery is not about being unafraid. It is about doing something even when you are afraid.” Most times these words provided the courage the students needed to experience the zip line.

When this happened I often heard the voice of the Lord asking me, “And what about you? Are you willing to be brave and trust me?”

My answer to the questioning of my God was, “I am at work. Can we talk later?”

But God is persistent.

After three years at Alliance it was clear that the next step God had for me was seminary.

However, there wasn’t much else that was clear. I simply knew that I needed to “Lean forward and trust God.” I did learn that I had been accepted into North Park.  I learned that there was a family in Chicago that I knew and who were willing to meet me at the airport, take me in for a night, and feed me.

After four years in Chicago I graduated from North Park Theological Seminary. I found places in Chicago where I could be completely myself. I found people who accepted me as I am.  What I didn’t find was a job. 

And so now I once again find myself in a place where there isn’t much that is clear. I am back in a place where I need to “Lean forward and trust God.”

As it turns out I know a family in Texas who is willing to take me in and feed me. My brother and his wife recently bought a house outside Houston and have graciously allowed me to move in with them.

On Novemeber 1st, I loaded my car with all of my earthly possessions and drove from Chicago to Texas. My desire is still to work for a church in the ECC and I am pursuing that goal. But until that becomes a reality I will be in Houston pursuing what God has for me in this time.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau

Back in the day:
Addie wasn't one who needed help leaving the platform

Pixar is Following Me

While watching Inside Out last night, I was reminded that

Pixar is following me.

Get out of my head!

In 2009, I moved to the Bay Area of California and learned about risk.

I learned that playing it safe wasn’t always the best option, and that adventure wasn’t to be feared.  I began to learn that life often doesn’t happen as we had planned, but there is still much pleasure in this world if we simply open our eyes to what is in front of us.

In 2009, Pixar released UP, whose tagline is "Adventure is Out There”, and whose themes include unexpected change in life plans and finding joy in what is still around us.

In 2010, I was preparing for my transition from my life in California to my soon to be new life in Illinois. It was time to prepare for the unknown by putting away the old things and embracing new opportunities.

In 2010, Pixar released Toy Story 3, about a boy going off to college and the journey that he (and his sentient toys) take as they prepare to face the unknown by putting away the things of the past.

In 2015, I served as a chaplain at a retirement home. I was faced with the reality of loss and of death on a nearly daily basis. Through this experience I was forced to explore the emotions I had yet to encounter surrounding the death of my father, when I was twelve. The short version is that I learned that all emotions have value and none should be suppressed or avoided.

In 2015, Pixar released Inside Out, a brightly colored children’s film that argues for the value and inclusion of all emotions in a balanced and heathy person.

What is truly bizarre is that in 2012, I took a trip to Scotland with my mother and she turned into a bear for three days.

 --Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau