Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Journal Entry from 8/11/11

Unpacking and Packing
Several years ago I went on a mission trip to England. As our time came to a close our leader Tom spoke to us about unpacking. He noted that when we returned home we be unpacking not just our clothes and souvenirs, but our memories and lessons learned as well. Tom said that some lessons would be unpacked as soon as we got home, while others could take days and months, and some even years.

Since that trip, I have tried to look at what I am learning and how past experiences, even those years and decades past form and inform the present.

The present is a tricky thing for me. I like to look down the road. I like to know what is next. I like to plan. I want to have control.

I have sat at kitchen tables, gym floors, and airports surrendering my control to God. Each time a baby step, a microcosm of my movement toward God.

As I write, memories and lessons of this year crash and swirl together. Trying to make sense of my past, praying to present and enjoy my time here and now, some days dreading the future-yet learning to obey-and learning to not doubt my God who has my future.

I was recently found a note in my mailbox that reminded me that, "Life is not like a movie. God writes our endings." In the same note my friend mentioned that there was pain in this year for me. There definitely was pain, but as time moves on and the present becomes the past the pain grows smaller and it becomes harder to see. Lessons began to form and take its place. I have begun to unpack some of these lessons.

I am not only unpacking memories and lessons as I look back; I am trying to pack up-to store up-memories and lessons to take with me to Chicago. I am also trying to physically pack up my clothes and souvenirs to take with me to Chicago. That has not gone as planned. There is still much to do before I leave for Long Beach, and even more before I leave for Chicago. However, I am also trying to pack up some memories in my last few days to take with me. So clothes are left on shelves, but opportunities are not wasted.

DCB with PC

Wednesday night Phillip and I went to go see the David Crowder Band at the Sonoma County Fair. I didn’t know I was going to that 7:30pm show until 3:30pm that day. Merv and the Spring Hill Community Church worship band opened for DCB that night. Merv gave two of his comped tickets to me and Phillip.

The seats were in section DD. Both Phillip and I assumed that we would be rocking the nose bleed section of the outdoor venue that night. We met some other friends at the fair who had purchased their tickets online. As we walked in through the general admission gate, we were pulled aside and told that we had come in the wrong way. Our entrance was on the other side. We were escorted to the correct gate and given a new hand stamp. The seats were basically a mosh pit with chairs, and we were ten rows back from the stage. We had taken the lowly seats and been given places of honor.

This picture as silly as it may seem, reminded me of how my God is in the business of raising people up. How God desires for us to be used in ways we could never dream possible.

There were several people I knew already there. Seeing friends from work and RCC, singing and praising our heavenly Father, reminded me of the undreamed blessing I have already received from God. That night assured me that God can and will use me in Chicago.

The night reminded me that while Abraham walked (however imperfectly) in faith, he did so after God had given him a promise. Moses went to Pharaoh after receiving a promise from God. Joshua took command of the Israelites after receiving a promise from God. All of these men had limited views of how God was going to work. Their faith was in the promise of God. The promise that while they didn’t know how, they knew that he would indeed work.

I certainly do not know how God is going to work in me in Chicago but I know he will. I know this because I too have been given a promise. I have been promised that I am to work with kids. To teach them about Christ’s unfailing love for them. To teach them the promises of God.

DCB left the stage to chants of “Of one more song!” They returned and played an encore of “Here I am to worship.”

As I raised my voice, my hand, and my heart to God, that song summed up that night and this last month. As I sang I was reminded of the countless times I had proclaimed that He was my God. As I looked up at the moon filled sky, as I heard friends and strangers praising, I knew that my God was all together worthy, all together lovely- and that He has been all together wonderful to me.

I was reminded of the countless times I had sung this song before. I recalled the tables, floors and airports where I had called out to God. As the melody looped back around and the words, “Here I am to worship” came from my lips, I knew that it was not a declaration of location, but of motivation.

I have loved my time here in Northern California. However, I am no longer here to worship. My place is now in Chicago.

Under the night sky I once again surrendered my control to God. As I thought on the past and savored the present, I knew that God has undreamed blessings upon my future.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

1 comment:

  1. Jesse~It is so encouraging to ME to hear of your faith adventures, and reminds me to keep surrendering, as well! It is evident to me that God has an adventure waiting in Chicago that is going to continue to stretch your faith. Keep reaching up! Praying here for the blessings!
    With Jesus' Love, Bonnie

    ReplyDelete