God is amazing.

God is amazing.

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking of a clever title for my blog. Today I am just going to cut to the chase. God is amazing. Below is one chapter from my story that reminds me how amazing God is, how unthinkable it is that He would use me to let others know how amazing He is.

Seminary is hard. I tend to have one or two responses to this (after the sheer panic), fight or flight. Some days the challenge of the work and the pressing needs of life and Spiritual growth drive me to buckle down, dive in, fly right, and many other clichéd sayings to get the work done. I “fight.” I rise to the challenge (As and Bs thus far, thankyouverymuch.)

Others days see me in full flight mode. Overwhelmed by the amount of work to do (whether it be in the classroom or wrestling with God as he shapes me into a new person) I run. I dive not into books but into media. It could be online vids, playing chess against the computer, watching old episodes of the Muppets, or even simply sleep. Sunday evening was a time of flight.

When I run, somehow the free time I have is eaten away and suddenly then it’s time for bed. By now I am so engrossed in learning about the impeding Muppets appearance on WWE (which actually happened) or simply determined to beat the computer in a game of chess (I think my win percent is like 8%, and even that doesn’t count the dozens of games I have quit in the middle of facing the inevitable checkmate of the PC.) that I push back a half hour of sleep for a half hour of play.  Then it’s “one more vid” “one more game.” Before I know it is 1:00am and Chapel starts in 7 and half hours.

That was Sunday night. The spiral of sloth and avoidance led not to rest but self-destruction. But I figured Monday (Halloween) would be a good day. Monday means costumes and candy, and more importantly it means opening up the church and allowing the neighborhood to come enjoy costumes and candy, as well as games and the Gospel. I was sharing the Good News of Christ that night, and I was going to use the analogy of a Jack-O-Lantern to do so. (Think of the analogy that comes from II Cor 5:17 about new creations that you have heard about butterflies, and sub in pumpkin to Jack-O-Lantern.) I knew that I needed a Jack-O-Lantern prepped and ready to go before Monday. 

The Tuesday before a friend and myself spent the evening carving Jack-O-Lanterns. I put mine out back so that it wouldn’t rot. The squirrels (which there are plenty of around these parts) got to my Pumpkin and nibbled at the eye sockets. An easy enough fix, but I decided to bring the Lantern in to avoid any other potential damage caused by hungry rodents.

Before we continue a little background is necessary. I have lived in several places, and while they were all in California several of them experienced cold weather (not Midwest cold, but still cold). I have lived in houses that have been heated by stoves, fireplaces, and central heat. My apartment in Chicago has something I haven’t used before, a radiator. It seems like a simple enough device to work, and yet the thing confounds me.

It turns on at random times (the middle of the night, when I am at class). I have turned the valve to the off position and still the thing comes on. Monday night as I sat in the living room wasting my time, the radiator sprang to life (and when I say sprang it gurgled and hissed and clunked its way into action). I went over and turned it off. It stopped producing heat and it stopped making noise. It stayed in this state as I spent my evening watching the special features on the Captain America DVD. 

Now back to our story…

I woke up on Monday morning at exactly 9:30am, the time that chapel starts. I was discouraged that I had missed an opportunity for learning and community. However, I was not dissuaded. I had homework to do before class, then a lovely evening of sharing how amazing my God is.

As I left the bedroom I heard the hiss of my radiator. (I swear the thing doesn’t like me. ) Because not only was it on, it was on full tilt and it was actually hot in my apartment. I went into the kitchen to check on my Jack-O-Lantern. It had melted. Sure the scientific term would be rotted, but it looked like a deflated balloon. A giant orange balloon that was leaking on my kitchen floor. The Jack-O-Lantern was taken to the compost pile behind the apartments, the floor was cleaned, and I like the once mighty Lantern was deflated and defeated. I grabbed my computer and sank back into my online world.

Fortunately, my online world also holds many of the people of my present community. I received two offers to help me carve a new pumpkin. But I made the excuse of time to both. I didn’t want to be in community just then. I was lazy and slothful, I clearly can’t work a radiator, my visual aid is now useless, and all this means that God can’t use me (It doesn’t but that was my mindset).

So I sat and pouted and prayed. I prayed that despite my rotten pumpkin and my sour attitude that God would use me to make himself known that night at church.

I went to class. My Monday class is actually a small group where we are sharing in each other’s lives through the weekly telling of small bits of our stories centered around a theme. Today’s theme was Transition. I shared, but not much. I couldn’t find the words (shocking I know). I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be in seminary.  I felt that clearly I was failing in effective ministry.  I felt like I was out of place.

The church I attend is a little less than a mile from campus. As I walked to the Harvest Festival I prayed once again that God would use me despite myself.

I had enough time to use one of the “before” pumpkins that were at the church to turn it into a new Jack-0-Lantern. So now things were set. Now that I had my object I could teach my lesson.

I honestly thought that God would use me only in spite of myself.
But He didn’t. He used me.

He used my gifts and abilities to teach the Gospel. He used my love of stories to explain how amazing He is.

There was one girl that came to story time twice. She asked questions both times. I don’t know how my answers will be used in her story as God calls her to know and love Him. I am not so vain to think that without her encounter with me, God would be lacking in resources to draw her unto himself. But I do know this. God used me when I didn’t think I could be used, when I assumed that I shouldn’t be used.

Why? Because God is amazing.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau