Train of Thought 2013

Well boys and girls we have come to the portion of the show where I have run out of prepared blogs, and don't have one cohesive thought for today's entry.  So instead you will get some nuggets that have been rattling around in my head (I will let you decided what the nuggets are comprised of)

• I notice when I am content (not happy, not even joyous, but content, I sing  more) 
• The songs that get stuck in my head are never full songs, they are usually just a verse or a bridge.
• Although lately I have been singing "Jesus Loves Me." 
• When I was in high school, the worship band for the youth group did a rearrangement of "Jesus Loves Me"  This is the version that is stuck in my head.
• While I love "Jesus Loves Me" there is one verse that we sang that has a horribly theologically inaccurate verse in it:

                Jesus loves me when I am good
                When I do the things I should
                Jesus loves me when I am bad
                Even though it makes him sad
Now, I know that there are verses that speak of the Lord grieving over the sins of His people.  And I know that we are called to NOT sin so that Grace by abound.  But idea that my day to day actions, that my "being bad" somehow makes Jesus sad, that my mistakes, and slips, my willfully wrong actions, are on the same scale as a nation that has run after idols seems off to me.

God is not sad over my sins, He is grieved over my sins.  Not because He "misses me" or is upset we don't spend time together.  He is grieved because his beloved child is spending time/taking actions that move me away from what is good for me.  “When I am bad, I am making choices that exchange my connection to the love of God for actions that cloud, distort, cover, and blur the reality of God's love.

• I was offered an internship last week.  This internship was an outstanding opportunity, and would have fulfilled academic requirements as well as provided spiritual growth. I didn't get it.  However, I know that God has my best interest in mind.  He will lead me to the experiences that I need both practically and spiritually as I trust him to continue to mold me into the person he is making me.
• I am 37 and way too old to still be caring about movies based on comic books
• I am looking forward to seeing Captain America 2
• I think I am too excited for the new Agents of SHIELD television show
• I am  looking forward to seeing Bob and Becca in a couple of months
• I get to fly to Houston to spend time with my brother and his Sara, as well as my mom who is also flying to Houston
• Greek is harder than Hebrew
• After next week I will have completed one of my three classes for this semester-giving me even  more free time than I currently have.
• I should find things to do with this time other than watching New Girl on Netflix.
• I will be spending some of this time watching New Girl on Netflix
• Things I am not too old for: laughter, even at stupid things; rest; reading a good story, even if the main character has superpowers or lives on a distant planet; simple pleasures; simple joys; simple dreams
• Things I am too old for: playing basketball against 25 year olds, fast food and/or too much dairy; staying up past 10pm
• Things I will be doing on a weekly basis this semester: playing basketball against 25 year olds, eating fast food (and upgrading from a soda to a milkshake), staying up past 10pm
• I have been blessed by my relationship to many people over my 36 years of life.
• I will do my best to write more than a list next week

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from farther away

--Jesse Letourneau

First Day of Classes

What I learned today (September 26):

Before Breakfast:
My room mates are cool and want to pool resources for furniture and food.

During a conversation that started after I returned a car:
I learned that God loves our imperfections.
I learned that God's love lessens our desire to sin and our desire to hide our sins.
I learned that God's love does not mean there is no work for us to do in our lives.

During a conversation that took place while checking out a possible couch for the apt.:
I learned that Children's Ministry is important, and not everyone knows that.

During a conversation in the car on the way to pick up an (already sold) futon (thanks random lady on Craig's list who sold the futon even though my roommate called and said he was coming over.)
I learned that God doesn't look at where we are from or how much we make.  Instead he looks at us as his beloved children.

Then I did Greek Homework.

Still not a bad day.

Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,
Jesse Letourneau

How I learned to stop worrying and love the RPG

There are levels of gaming.

There are party games (e.g. Pictionary, Apples to Apples, Taboo) designed to create interaction more then to have winners and losers (though some get pretty competitive).
There are board games (e.g.Trouble, Clue, Mouse Trap) where you roll the dice, you move your mice and nobody gets hurt. 
There are strategy games (e.g. Settlers of Cataan, Ticket to Ride) where game play depends on variable elements (the board might be set up different each time or what is available to buy or use might change from game to game).


Then there are RPGs.  RPGs-role playing games- are games where the gaming takes place in character.  Think the board game Clue, but everyone is using accents and has information/abilities unique to them.  If you have ever played one of those Murder Mystery game-in-box where you are given a character to play, then you have played an RPG .  (For the camp people: Initiatives are a lot like an RPG only all the characters are all 5th graders who don't listen.)

Actually there are not levels of gaming, merely types of gaming.  However, I like to pretend that there are levels and that they are vastly different from each other.  I do this mostly because it drives JR crazy.

As mentioned before, JR is a gamer.  He plays board games, table tops (RPGs) and LARPs (Live Action Role Play-similar to RPGs but with the absence of a board).  And for as long as I have known him he has tried to get me to come to a LARP.  I stubbornly refused.  Partly, because it drove JR crazy, and partly because I have built my self esteem around the concept of  the following comic I read online once.

While I proudly find myself in the box that reads "Comic book fans who read Superhero comics" which is on par with LARPers.  I wasn't willing to "descend" down another branch of Geekdom and join the world of LARPers.  That is I wasn't ready to do so until my first table top experience on August 2.

The story lines in RPGs and LARPs can either be continuous/indefinite or a one-off.  I played a one-off based on the world of Sky High. Comfortable with the setting (superheroes), I was able to relax into my character, who I definately share some characteristics with  (a competitive ex-jock who thinks because he is a super-hero for a living he is better than everyone he graduated with).

Now the major difference between RPGs and LARPs is that RPGs tend to be about puzzle solving and following the lead of the Story Teller while LARPs while having a plot tend to be more free flowing.  I was playing an RPG with a room full of LARPers.  It took us three hours to find and save the school (the game is designed to run about 1 to 1 1/2 hours).

But I had a blast the entire time. I had the chance to use my imagination while having to listen to the voices and ideas of others.  It isn't the worst way to spend an evening.  But the real reward of the night was the revelation I received.

I learned that I am comfortable with myself.  Acting (at least for me) is about finding pieces of yourself, often the hidden or the less pleasant elements of your personality, and exaggerating those pieces to create a new personality. 

I have been using my excuse of the "Hierarchy of Geekdom" for the last two years, because I was afraid of what others might see in me if I let my personality and my imagination run wild.  I hid behind not wanting to be "that kind of nerd" because I was afraid of what I might find in my personality.  However, over the last two years with all their ups and downs, I have found that I am a good person, a worthy person.  I have found that I like the kind of person I am.  I am not perfect, but here is the secret:

I never will be perfect.  So, I have stopped trying to be.  Instead, I am learning to be me.  A disciplined me, a selfless me, a responsible me, but not a perfect me  

To any and all that were at the game, "Thank you." I was able to relax, to find myself, and accept myself because I wasn't ostracized or criticized for being the new guy.


--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau

Next week: a quick look at some deep conversations held on the first day of my third year of seminary
or
"Jesse phones it in with a short blog"


Bonus graphs (click to make em bigger):

 

the true dichotomy

the true hierarchy

some borrowed words

Check here for some kind words on Jim Henson.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
 --Jesse Letourneau

My week with JR

JR is a friend of mine from seminary.  We met during my first semester here at North Park.  My week with JR was only four days long, but it was packed with events.

Tuesday:
JR's birthday is July 31.  Last year a group of us celebrated by going to the Moth Story Slam in Chicago.  This year the tradition continued.(when your program lasts for only four years-anything that is done twice is considered tradition).  The two best stories told that night involved a young man learning how much his parents mean to him, and one involving the privileges of getting lost at Six Flags.  Despite the success of the event, the bar let us down with their food service so we decided to hit the Golden Nugget for late night breakfast foods.  We sat around telling our own stories.  I learned that in our group one person fears roller coasters and another fountains.

Oh, and Brian Babylon (the emcee of the night) just may have been a bit intoxicated and coerced into singing the National Anthem at evening's end.

Wednesday:
Wednesday nights are board game night.  To say that JR is a gamer is to say that the sky is blue.  Its obvious, everyone knows it, and it doesn't really due justice to the topic at hand.  I have been invited into JR's world of gaming friends.  But I draw the line at board games (see next week's blog).

This summer the regular host of board game night (Dan-who is one of the best people I have ever met) is remolding his kitchen so the games have been moved to another home.  Jim was out of town so it looked like it would simply be an off week.  However JR wanted to play board games on the actual date of his birth.

I had offered my humble home, but Dan insisted that he wanted to host JR on his birthday.  The three of us played board games at a little card table in the basement.  Nothing unique about the events of the night, however I got to share space with Dan and JR who are fast friends who can have entire conversations quoting lines from Monty Python, Muppets, and punchlines from inside joke culled from years of friendship.  Plus I only lost the first game (one I had never played before) by like two points.

Thursday:
Thursday was the last day of my Hebrew intensive.  That evening the class was invited to the professor's home for a potluck/BBQ.  After hanging out with some really cool people, I stopped by JR's (another really cool person) and we watched Veronica Mars reruns until 3 in the morning.

Friday:
Friday I played my first table top RPG.

 Next Week: My first Table Top or How I learned to stop worrying and love the RPG

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Bull Moose

As many of you know, this last year and a half I have served as the intern for the Children's Ministry at a small Presbyterian Church here in Chicago.  It has been a humbling and uplifting experience.  I was able to both teach and learn during my time there.

My last Sunday was June 30.  Each week, the children are dismissed from the service right before the sermon to their time of worship.  I wasn’t teaching, however I had planned to assist in the classroom in order to spend time with the children on my last Sunday with the church..


The plan was to have this week be a relaxed "party" to celebrate the start of the school year.  As I headed from the sanctuary to the classroom, I was told by the CM Director that I had to wait before I went upstairs.

The start of the school year party had now become a "Jesse's last day party".  While I waited downstairs the kids decorated the room complete with my own special chair (a folding chair covered in crate paper), my own special lapel-pin (more crate paper) and a "red carpet" (red crate paper taped to the floor).  The brightly colored paper was accompanied by balloons and snacks.  We simply hung out and played a few games.

I received cards and pictures from the children (and parents) as well as a t-shirt signed by all the children.  But the best gift was a set of three ornaments: a bull moose, a calf moose, and a dead moose.

For those of you reading who have not worked in a camp environment allow me to explain.  No, there is too much, let me sum up.  There is a camp song about a Moose.  Actually, there are several camp songs about Moose.  This one involves a dead moose.

Okay this isn't helping.  Check out the song here  (If anyone has a clip of the song being sung at Alliance, that would be awesome)  So now that we all know the song, lets get back to the story.

On my very first day as an intern at CCP I was asked to create a “gathering time” to encourage kids (and parents) to arrive on time.  It didn’t work.  The experiment ended roughly two months in.  However I was able to bond with the three children who did attend.

One of the activities I tried was to introduce camp songs, specifically "Bull Moose".  I quickly learned why camp songs are camp songs.  It has something to do with sending children home with the tunes stuck in their heads.  For the next year and a half, each time I saw any of these three children who had learned the song, they asked me to sing it for them.  Each time I refused to sing the song again. (Claiming it was a special song for special occasions.)

It was the family of these children that gave me the ornaments.  Softened by the gift, I relented and sung the song one last time.  I lead the children in “Bull Moose” and as we finished, we were told that service was over, and it was time to dismiss the kids.

The first thing I did at CCP was sing “Bull Moose.  The last thing I did at CCP was sing that song.  I couldn’t have written a better capstone to my time of service.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Tune in next time for "My week with JR" or "up past 1am all week"

Previously on...

So its been a while since I have blogged.  There are many stories as to why, but for now they will have to wait.  I learned long ago (in a math class) that trying to play catch up only you leaves you constantly behind and with a C in the class.  Hopefully, we will find time to fill in the gaps as we go along.

Last time I posted I mentioned that I was looking at doing CPE this summer (basically an internship as a hospital chaplain).  That didn't happen.  The short version is that I turned my application in too late to be placed this year.  The long version is one of those stories we need to skip for now.

Not doing CPE this summer means that two other things happened instead.  The first is that I was able to finish out my internship at CCP.  The second is that I was able to take a six week intensive course in Biblical Hebrew.  I am taking Hebrew as I pursue a Masters of Divinity.

Those of you close to the world of seminary, may be asking, "What happened to Children's Ministry?'  While the rest of you are asking, "What is a Masters of  Divinity?"

A Master of Divinity (MDiv) is the four degree (at least that is how long it will take me) that is the most common degree in seminary.  Statistically that may no longer be true, but the perception of most churches is  that an MDiv is the "real" degree, while the others are specializations for "lesser positions."  I know that I am over simplifying the reality, but not by much.

I am pursuing an MDiv degree because it better communicates to churches the roles and responsibilities that I am seeking.  Even when Children's Ministry was my primary focus, I never thought of myself as a Director or Coordinator but as Pastor of Children and/or Families.  My time here at seminary has shown me that the MDiv will afford me further training and experiences that will better equip me to serve in a pastoral role.

I haven't left my passion for Children's Ministry behind.

However, I have found a growing passion for "Christian Formation"  as a whole.  Christian Formation is the encompassing title for the programs and discipleship of all the congregants of a church.  My time in seminary has shown me that good Children's Ministry is closely tied to "what the adults are doing" as well as the fact that "adult" formation can benefit from the attitudes and structures of a good Children's program.  I am now seeking a role as either a Children's Pastor and/or the role of Pastor of Christian Formation.  I have found that I love to teach.  It doesn't matter what subject or what age.  I love making things understandable to others.  More than that I love to see people live out what they are learning.

When you combine this love of teaching with the the joy of watching God change lives (and being called to be a part of that process) you have the calling placed upon my life.  I believe the MDiv is the degree that will best help me live out my calling.  I am excited to see how this becomes reality in the future, as well as how God will use me these next two years in Chicago.

I invite you to share this journey of discovery with me.  Next week I will tell you a story that illustrates one way God has been using me this far.


--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Tune in next week for "Bull Moose-Dead Moose" or "Bullwinkle forgets to eat his supper"