Ink on Paper

I really wanted to title this entry Ink on Paper, and while I guess I did, I really wish it was more accurate.

Way back in August, when the grass was still green and the air was still clean I the Onceler came to this place...
no wait wrong story.

Way back in August I went into our Field Education office looking for a local Children's Ministry to volunteer in. I was hoping to maybe find a place that needed a Sunday School Teacher once a month. I was given the name of a church that is .8 miles from campus.

I emailed and then met with the Pastor of this church. His first question to me was "What do you want out of an internship?" I believe my response was something along the line of "whahuh?"

Lost in translation between myself and the filed ed office was that this church was looking for a part time intern to help out their Children's Ministry. In the last two and half months I have been helping with both hours of Sunday School and been discussing with the Children's Ministry Director and the Pastor what an internship would look like based on their needs and my abilities (and also based on their abilities and my needs).

I haven't written about this opportunity yet, because I wanted to the ink of the contract to be dry before I did. I didn't want to jump the gun or speak out of turn.

Friday I went in and met with the Pastor (Charles, aka Pastor C, aka "just" Pastor) and reviewed the contract-that is really a covenant- and discussed salary-which is really a stipend and housing. There is a 2-flat (apartment for those of you on the West Coast) above the church office (which is next door to the church building) that they use for interns that I will be moving into in January.

That's right I am now "employed" by a church.

It is a Presbyterian Church with a predominately Japanese congregation of about 200. There are roughly 20 elementary students who make up the Children's Ministry.

The covenant is drawn up, I have approved it, the church board has approved it, I just haven't signed it, because it wasn't printed out last Sunday (granted we had communion, baptism, new member reception, and a son of the church announcing he has been called to a church in New York as their new pastor-so there were some other things going on as well). Thus I have the job I just haven't put ink on paper yet.

My role will be to help with the Sunday School hours, help at camp, VBS, etc, as well as work on curriculum development. These are really bright kids and we want to be intentional about what and how we are teaching and disciplining them.

While I will still have to take out loans to cover tuition for the rest of my time here, finding a job that covers housing will allow me to stay in Chicago and at North Park.

Two years ago I was sitting in the back of a Jeep listening to "Video Killed the Radio Star" as myself and three other naturalist drove the trials at night (and by that I mean we have never taken personal vehicles off-roading at ARCG). My thought, which I spoke aloud, was "If you had told me five years ago that I would be off-roading at a camp where I work as I listen to "Video Killed the Radio Star" I would have never believed you."

Now I am sitting in the library at seminary in Chicago about to become an intern for a Japanese Presbyterian Children's Ministry. Five years or five months ago, if anyone had told me that, I would never have believed them.

This is just one example of how God has surprised me and provided for me during my time here at North Park.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

And that is just the physical needs.

The work that God is beginning on who I am. I don't even have the words for that (shocking I know).

The Muppets are liars!

It kills me to say this, but the Muppets are liars.

Let me back up a little.

My senior year of college was marked with some pretty melancholy moments. I know its not terribly unique to feel this way in your early 20s. Heartbreak and confusion of what the future held hung pretty heavy in my dorm room that year. My roomate and I even had this unspoken contest as to who could pin the most depressing song lyrics on our walls. It got pretty ridiculous, until one day I decided to go another route.

I put up the lyrics to a song from The Muppet Movie. The song is entitled "I Hope that Somethi' Better Comes Along." It is an upbeat little number sung by a frog and dog bemoaning the difficulties of relationships. For me that was the ray of optimism (and absurdity) that broke through the clouds of my little self centered world.

That fall turned to spring, and graduation was right around the corner. Soon enough our group of close knit friends slowly drifted apart as new jobs took us to new places and new lives and new marriages added new responsibilities. My roommate married, and together we celebrated that his "something better' had come along.

Here I am today, nearly twelve years later. And I find that melancholy is a pretty easy mode to slip into.

The link above is from the newest Muppet film (debuting Nov 23). One of the lyrics states, "Life's a happy song, when you have someone by your side to sing along." I can do several things with this lyric. I can bemoan that fact that I am alone (I'm not, but I am certainty not living the story I had envisioned I would be twelve years out of undergraduate school.). I can focus on the community that is around me (which I am trying so very hard to do. I always assume that no one wants to deal with my stuff, should have to deal with my stuff, or simply has there own stuff to deal with). Or I can do something completely else.

I cam realize that the Muppets are liars.

In the same movie where the frog and the dog sing of the woes caused by inter-species relationships, there is a much more famous song, "The Rainbow Connection." It is the song that opens the film. The Muppet Movie ends with what is essentially the second stanza of "The Rainbow Connection" known as the "Magic Store."

"The Magic Store" begins with these words "Life is a story. Write your own ending."

Part of me wishes that sentiment was true. I would love to take pen to paper and make my wishes and dreams come true. However, the wiser part of me knows that we do not write our own endings. God does. God is the author of this hero's journey I am on.

I can do many things as I look at the story of my life. I can look too far too deeply into the past and become stuck there unable to be effective here and now. I can do the same with the future.

But in this story it is the author who is omniscient and not I. I do not know what the future holds and honestly barely understand what the present holds.

I do not know why registration is such a difficult task for me to understand, or why my radiator hates me, I do not know why the school work can seem overwhelming at times.

I don't know when my something better may come along, I don't get to write my own ending.

But even without knowing those things, there is something I can do. I can be obedient.

I know one thing. And I am relatively sure of one thing.

God has made me to be a Children's Pastor. That is my call, that is my vocation, that is my core, that is my true self. I am relatively sure that North Park is the road to accomplishing becoming a Children's Pastor.

And so I push on. I obey. I do what I can to move through this course of education, and trust to God for the rest.

So my life can indeed be a happy song. Because I trust not in the plans I have, or in the ending I would write. I trust instead in God.

The Muppets may be liars. But my God is not.

So for now, for today, I will hold onto His plan and trust in His ending.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

God is amazing.

God is amazing.

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking of a clever title for my blog. Today I am just going to cut to the chase. God is amazing. Below is one chapter from my story that reminds me how amazing God is, how unthinkable it is that He would use me to let others know how amazing He is.

Seminary is hard. I tend to have one or two responses to this (after the sheer panic), fight or flight. Some days the challenge of the work and the pressing needs of life and Spiritual growth drive me to buckle down, dive in, fly right, and many other clichéd sayings to get the work done. I “fight.” I rise to the challenge (As and Bs thus far, thankyouverymuch.)

Others days see me in full flight mode. Overwhelmed by the amount of work to do (whether it be in the classroom or wrestling with God as he shapes me into a new person) I run. I dive not into books but into media. It could be online vids, playing chess against the computer, watching old episodes of the Muppets, or even simply sleep. Sunday evening was a time of flight.

When I run, somehow the free time I have is eaten away and suddenly then it’s time for bed. By now I am so engrossed in learning about the impeding Muppets appearance on WWE (which actually happened) or simply determined to beat the computer in a game of chess (I think my win percent is like 8%, and even that doesn’t count the dozens of games I have quit in the middle of facing the inevitable checkmate of the PC.) that I push back a half hour of sleep for a half hour of play.  Then it’s “one more vid” “one more game.” Before I know it is 1:00am and Chapel starts in 7 and half hours.

That was Sunday night. The spiral of sloth and avoidance led not to rest but self-destruction. But I figured Monday (Halloween) would be a good day. Monday means costumes and candy, and more importantly it means opening up the church and allowing the neighborhood to come enjoy costumes and candy, as well as games and the Gospel. I was sharing the Good News of Christ that night, and I was going to use the analogy of a Jack-O-Lantern to do so. (Think of the analogy that comes from II Cor 5:17 about new creations that you have heard about butterflies, and sub in pumpkin to Jack-O-Lantern.) I knew that I needed a Jack-O-Lantern prepped and ready to go before Monday. 

The Tuesday before a friend and myself spent the evening carving Jack-O-Lanterns. I put mine out back so that it wouldn’t rot. The squirrels (which there are plenty of around these parts) got to my Pumpkin and nibbled at the eye sockets. An easy enough fix, but I decided to bring the Lantern in to avoid any other potential damage caused by hungry rodents.

Before we continue a little background is necessary. I have lived in several places, and while they were all in California several of them experienced cold weather (not Midwest cold, but still cold). I have lived in houses that have been heated by stoves, fireplaces, and central heat. My apartment in Chicago has something I haven’t used before, a radiator. It seems like a simple enough device to work, and yet the thing confounds me.

It turns on at random times (the middle of the night, when I am at class). I have turned the valve to the off position and still the thing comes on. Monday night as I sat in the living room wasting my time, the radiator sprang to life (and when I say sprang it gurgled and hissed and clunked its way into action). I went over and turned it off. It stopped producing heat and it stopped making noise. It stayed in this state as I spent my evening watching the special features on the Captain America DVD. 

Now back to our story…

I woke up on Monday morning at exactly 9:30am, the time that chapel starts. I was discouraged that I had missed an opportunity for learning and community. However, I was not dissuaded. I had homework to do before class, then a lovely evening of sharing how amazing my God is.

As I left the bedroom I heard the hiss of my radiator. (I swear the thing doesn’t like me. ) Because not only was it on, it was on full tilt and it was actually hot in my apartment. I went into the kitchen to check on my Jack-O-Lantern. It had melted. Sure the scientific term would be rotted, but it looked like a deflated balloon. A giant orange balloon that was leaking on my kitchen floor. The Jack-O-Lantern was taken to the compost pile behind the apartments, the floor was cleaned, and I like the once mighty Lantern was deflated and defeated. I grabbed my computer and sank back into my online world.

Fortunately, my online world also holds many of the people of my present community. I received two offers to help me carve a new pumpkin. But I made the excuse of time to both. I didn’t want to be in community just then. I was lazy and slothful, I clearly can’t work a radiator, my visual aid is now useless, and all this means that God can’t use me (It doesn’t but that was my mindset).

So I sat and pouted and prayed. I prayed that despite my rotten pumpkin and my sour attitude that God would use me to make himself known that night at church.

I went to class. My Monday class is actually a small group where we are sharing in each other’s lives through the weekly telling of small bits of our stories centered around a theme. Today’s theme was Transition. I shared, but not much. I couldn’t find the words (shocking I know). I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be in seminary.  I felt that clearly I was failing in effective ministry.  I felt like I was out of place.

The church I attend is a little less than a mile from campus. As I walked to the Harvest Festival I prayed once again that God would use me despite myself.

I had enough time to use one of the “before” pumpkins that were at the church to turn it into a new Jack-0-Lantern. So now things were set. Now that I had my object I could teach my lesson.

I honestly thought that God would use me only in spite of myself.
But He didn’t. He used me.

He used my gifts and abilities to teach the Gospel. He used my love of stories to explain how amazing He is.

There was one girl that came to story time twice. She asked questions both times. I don’t know how my answers will be used in her story as God calls her to know and love Him. I am not so vain to think that without her encounter with me, God would be lacking in resources to draw her unto himself. But I do know this. God used me when I didn’t think I could be used, when I assumed that I shouldn’t be used.

Why? Because God is amazing.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau

my visual aids for learning the Gospel's characteristics

Sometimes inspiration hits and you get distracted with pointless projects.

Below are the visual representations I will be using to help me remember the characteristics of the Gospels:

Matthew
Teacher/Collector

Discourses/The Church                                             


Mark
Action

Conflict/Fear
Problematic ending



Luke
Volume One of Two












Concern for the poor


John
Unique












wordplay/irony
misunderstanding
God as Father

And now back to work....

middles

There is a ton that I have been learning and doing these days. But I haven’t written cause I was comparing my life to other bogs. I have no commitments to bathe more, no dreams of Romanian squirrels, no adventures picking blackberries among the giants. But then I remembered why I started this blog.

Once again I find myself quite a ways from those I love and those who love me. And apparently you all wanna know what’s going on with me in this new adventure. And since keeping those that are far away updated with my life is the reason I started this blog low those many years ago, here we go with some scattershot snippets of life in Chicago.

I am living in a one bedroom apartment. It is great in the mornings as my routine and noise don’t disturb anyone and the only thing I have to concentrate on is getting out the door in time for class or chapel.

Chapel is Mondays and Thursdays which are the days that I have 1pm classes. So not only do they serve to build community and learning, they server to get me out of the house before noon.

Tuesday and Wednesday I have 8am classes (Thursday I also have a 3pm class and a 6:30pm class).

So far classes are good. Tons of reading, which isn’t my strength, but it needs to get done, so it does.

Coming home in the evenings is harder, as there isn’t forced community going on. As much as living in community at ARCG was a struggle at times, there was nothing better than coming home to a movie or a game of Quelf already in progress. So I have to go and find community. I have to ask to hang out, I have to be vulnerable, I have to go and seek out the awesome people that I am surrounded by. (prayer request number one=that I would be intentional about seeking out community)

Thursdays are my longest day. After classes end at 9pm, there is a Vespers service. For those of you who went to Simpson think Worship Jam. For those of you who didn’t think an hour of worship through music with undergrad and seminary students alike.
Last Thursday was particularly impactful.

That afternoon I sat in class and took notes on the difference doctrines of Christ. We learned of the 3rd-5th century debates where various Church Fathers veered to far left or right when defining either the humanity or the divinity of Christ. Doctrinal disagreements leading to arguments, papers written, councils called, bar songs being written, excommunication of the other side enacted by both parties, and official positions being taken.

It is easy to sit and laugh at the early church (forgetting we do much the same today) for their fighting, for their obvious faults in logic and Biblical understanding, and forget that they were defining and shaping the faith that we have today. That night at Vespers, we sang about Christ, who He is and His work in our lives. It was wonderful to worship my God in spirit and in truth, to worship in the classroom and in the chapel. To know that sound theology lies behind the lyrics and that the lyrics help to teach and define the theology.

That morning I had a conversation with a close friend about how God was digging into my life to redefine my identity, and the specific areas where I was still holding on to it. That evening we also sang songs about God’s goodness. Songs about God’s unfailing love. (prayer request number 2, that I will let go and let God. That my identity will be found solely in him.)

I have found a tiny (by CA standards) Presbyterian Church less than a mile north of campus. It is a congregation of two hundred that is predominately Japanese. They need help in their Children’s Ministry department. If all continues to go forward I will be taking a (paying no less) internship with them starting in January. (request number three, that this internship will meet my financial needs so that I can continue to stay at North Park.)

Found a couple of grocery stores within walking distance. One is largely Middle Eastern and the other is multi-cultural. The down side is that both charge way too much for cereal.

So the long and the short of it all is my greatest physical need is that I can’t find cheap cereal, my greatest academic woe is that reading is hard, and my great spiritual struggle is fighting God as he wants to remake me so that I trust Him more and rely not on the temporal things of this world.

I suppose life isn’t too bad. (I’ll write again after it snows.)

Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,

--Jesse Letourneau

beginnings

I have tried to write a deep meaningful blog a couple different times this week. There are too many themes, too many thoughts, too many emotions swirl ling around for me to land on any one thing.

I can say I love it here.
I feel like this is exactly where God has me.

When I left Alliance, and even in Long Beach, there were no formal prayers commissioning me out. I think because what I learned at ARCG is only going to magnified and intensified during this season. My time before camp and my time at camp were contrasts and different seasons, now I think I am in a "same song, next verse" setting. That camp was just the baby step, just the warm up for what God is doing in me during this season of growth.

I have been tempted to stop and reflect, but I would rather just experience, just be here. With all the fears and doubts, with all the assurance and signs, with new friends and nights spent alone, all of it, just to let it be and let it sit. I don't know what it all means yet. I just know that I am in for something big. And I am all in.

If you don't yet know I have some pics up over at facebook from the neighborhood.

Which reminds me I did want to report on a few bits to begin to paint a pic of where I am. There are roughly 40 first year students and just under 100 seminary students. I like like 10 feet from the library and 20 from the Seminary building. I am in a one bedroom apartment, which is nice in the morning, and can be hard in the afternoon/evenings with no one around.

I have three "real classes" Interpreting the New Testament, Identity in Ministry and History of the Church and Mission. Along with a one unit class called Spiritual Journey that is designed more to feed us than to impart further knowledge/stress on us. And another one unit called Vocational excellent, which will occur during the week long break in October.

I do have peanut butter, bread, and some cliff bars in fridge. Still figuring out money stuff, and I think when that happens I will feel freer to spend some money on me. I did go to the Mexican place on the corner. I have had their tacos and their torta, both were disappointing. I do hold out hope for the burrito which can serve as two meals for like $3 plus tip.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

It's time to light the lights

It’s 7:05pm and I get a call on my cell. Not having a hands free device I let it go to voicemail. 7:10 and the familiar chime of a received message beeps from my pocket. I am already ten minutes late, so I risk the ticket and pull the phone out at the next light. A voice comes from the phone’s loud speaker telling me that if I am not there by 7:15pm I won’t be let in.

I make it to the parking lot and park my Civic. Spurred on by adrenaline, I make the two hundred yard dash to the theatre in time to receive my wristband. The dark green piece of paper I attach around my wrist ensures that I will be able to experience something that I have never been able to do before. I am about to witness a big screen viewing of my childhood heroes the Muppets.

To make the evening even more special I am about to watch not just a simple rerun of one of the classic Muppet Movies. I am about to see a sneak preview of this November's sure to be break out film, merely titled The Muppets. And from this point forward SPOILER WARNINGS are in effect. (None plot specific)

There are original songs. There are a ton of cameos (I know big surprise), and many of them go by so quickly that the old cliché of blink and you might miss them actually applies. The puppets look great. The performances are wonderful. And Walter absolutely belongs to this world.

And now for the he big question: “Was it any good?” Yes, yes it was. It was all kinds of good. Will it bring throngs of new fans into the theatres for years to come? Will it spawn television shows, guest appearances on late night television, and scores of lunch boxes, backpacks, and watches adorned with singing frogs and dancing bears? That I don’t know.

I can tell you it was definitely aimed at the adult fan. This film isn’t as much an introduction of the characters to new fans as much as it is an exercise in asking us older folks, “Remember them?” The film’s central question- Can we go back to the way things were or is it time to move on and grow up?- is a question often echoed by those in their 20s and 30s, those old enough to have childhood memories of the Muppets. Using the Muppets as the cultural icon to ask this question in allegoric form works quite well.

I am glad the Muppets are back, and look forward to seeing the film again when hits theatres in November.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau