The Muppets speak truth

A month ago I wrote a blog entitled The Muppets are Liars

It came from a place of beginning to heal from some past hurts. It came from a place of loving the Muppets but knowing that life is not like a movie, much less one we write.

Even, as I wrote the blog, I knew there was a part two. While the opening number of the new Muppet movie conveniently entitled "The Muppets" starts with a song that could easily be interpreted to be stating that things are grand when there is one by your side (and therefore not grand when you are alone). However the film's ending speaks of community, acceptance, and being stronger as a whole than as an individual (even paired individual) pieces.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE MUPPETS
(you have been warned-cause apparently spoiler warning are good etiquette here on the interwebs).

Act II of the Muppets ends with a song entitled "Man or Muppet." The two main characters must decide what they want most in life and then choose to pursue it. I first saw this film at a sneak peek in August, less than a week before leaving for Chicago to pursue what I want most in life.

A new Muppet named Walter is told that while he believes in other people that is the easy thing. Walter is admonished that eventually he will have to believe in himself. Now without getting into the idea that we are all okay and can make our dreams come true (I am looking at you Muppet Babies). There is the fact that if we believe that we can't do anything, than we won't.

In the middle of Act III The Muppets, despite kidnapping Jack Black as celebrity guest host for their theatre saving telethon and then loose their theatre and the Muppet name due to a maguffan of a clause in their 1979 Rich and Famous Contract.

At the films denouement, Kermit gives an impassioned speech about how it was not the name or the building that made the Muppets special. By telling all of them that he believes in them, Kermit lets all of his cast-mates and friends know that they are a like a family to him.

The finale has the entire Muppet cast sing a reprise of the "Happy Song" that began the film. Now instead of a a focus on family (Gary and Walter) or couples in love (Gary and Mary), the song takes on a new significance of community. The Muppets are what I like to call "found family." They are more than mere friends, they are family. There are roles of leadership and roles of support. Those in leadership look to allow everyone to find their voice. Believing in each other, believing in self, and becoming what they want to be have always been the themes of the Muppets and their found family.

Now where in ourselves should we look? Some will say to ourselves, or to God within us, or even the god in us. This particular blog post is not about the answer to that question (I'm sure everyone here knows my answer).

This blog post is to say that in a time where I am learning to follow my passions and believe in my worth, I am eternally grateful for the community that surrounds me here at North Park Seminary. Listening ears, open hearts, acceptance, encouragement, a hot dish brought to potluck, a game of pick up basketball, or even a smile. All of you have upheld me this semester. Thank you so much.



--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

A Year Ago Today

Today I sit in a Caribou Coffee, wearing my new (thanks to my church's generosity) blue fleece and listening to the sounds of the customers blend with the pop/semi-acoustic/coffee house stylings of music carried by the PA system; looking out over an overcast December sky in Illinois.

A Year Ago I sat in a coffee shop/restaurant in South Africa listening to the testimonies of Merv and the other South African men on the team speak of the impact I was having on the children of that country; looking out over the interior of an upscale mall a world from home.

My mind has wandered back to South Africa several times in the last few weeks. The contrasts are striking.

Today-cold and overcast
A Year Ago-hot and clear

Today-Miles with no topography
A Year Ago-Table Mountain always in the backdrop

Days full of activities and people
Days full of books and computer screens

Learning through service
Learning through lecture

A Year Ago- Confident in who I was but unsure of how to move forward
Today-Confident I am on a path, but unsure of who I am

A Year Ago-moving forward, learning, growing, healing, confidence
Today-stillness, learning, stretching, refining, questions

A Year Ago I wrote in my journal about being on a hero's quest.

Last November I did brave things. I flew across the globe, made sandwiches, played games, sang songs, changed lives.

Last August I did a brave thing. I flew across the country (okay, only half way, but I am trying to construct parallels here). I have made friends and memories, played games and sang songs. But now it is my life that is changing.

I feel like the journey has halted. But it hasn't, the movement has simply stopped. However, in any good story, especially a quest, there is time to stop and survey, time to stop and struggle, a time to wrestle and overcome.

A Year Ago God assured me that I was made for a purpose. He reminded me that he wanted my availability.

Today God is teaching me that he wishes to remake me into his image. He is reminding me that what he needs is my availability.

Both are for the same purpose. That purpose is to bring all Glory to God.

A Year Ago I knew what but not how.
Today I am learning the how, and praying for the strength to pay its cost, knowing the what still lies ahead ...

...on this ever onward hero's quest.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Ink on Paper

I really wanted to title this entry Ink on Paper, and while I guess I did, I really wish it was more accurate.

Way back in August, when the grass was still green and the air was still clean I the Onceler came to this place...
no wait wrong story.

Way back in August I went into our Field Education office looking for a local Children's Ministry to volunteer in. I was hoping to maybe find a place that needed a Sunday School Teacher once a month. I was given the name of a church that is .8 miles from campus.

I emailed and then met with the Pastor of this church. His first question to me was "What do you want out of an internship?" I believe my response was something along the line of "whahuh?"

Lost in translation between myself and the filed ed office was that this church was looking for a part time intern to help out their Children's Ministry. In the last two and half months I have been helping with both hours of Sunday School and been discussing with the Children's Ministry Director and the Pastor what an internship would look like based on their needs and my abilities (and also based on their abilities and my needs).

I haven't written about this opportunity yet, because I wanted to the ink of the contract to be dry before I did. I didn't want to jump the gun or speak out of turn.

Friday I went in and met with the Pastor (Charles, aka Pastor C, aka "just" Pastor) and reviewed the contract-that is really a covenant- and discussed salary-which is really a stipend and housing. There is a 2-flat (apartment for those of you on the West Coast) above the church office (which is next door to the church building) that they use for interns that I will be moving into in January.

That's right I am now "employed" by a church.

It is a Presbyterian Church with a predominately Japanese congregation of about 200. There are roughly 20 elementary students who make up the Children's Ministry.

The covenant is drawn up, I have approved it, the church board has approved it, I just haven't signed it, because it wasn't printed out last Sunday (granted we had communion, baptism, new member reception, and a son of the church announcing he has been called to a church in New York as their new pastor-so there were some other things going on as well). Thus I have the job I just haven't put ink on paper yet.

My role will be to help with the Sunday School hours, help at camp, VBS, etc, as well as work on curriculum development. These are really bright kids and we want to be intentional about what and how we are teaching and disciplining them.

While I will still have to take out loans to cover tuition for the rest of my time here, finding a job that covers housing will allow me to stay in Chicago and at North Park.

Two years ago I was sitting in the back of a Jeep listening to "Video Killed the Radio Star" as myself and three other naturalist drove the trials at night (and by that I mean we have never taken personal vehicles off-roading at ARCG). My thought, which I spoke aloud, was "If you had told me five years ago that I would be off-roading at a camp where I work as I listen to "Video Killed the Radio Star" I would have never believed you."

Now I am sitting in the library at seminary in Chicago about to become an intern for a Japanese Presbyterian Children's Ministry. Five years or five months ago, if anyone had told me that, I would never have believed them.

This is just one example of how God has surprised me and provided for me during my time here at North Park.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

And that is just the physical needs.

The work that God is beginning on who I am. I don't even have the words for that (shocking I know).

The Muppets are liars!

It kills me to say this, but the Muppets are liars.

Let me back up a little.

My senior year of college was marked with some pretty melancholy moments. I know its not terribly unique to feel this way in your early 20s. Heartbreak and confusion of what the future held hung pretty heavy in my dorm room that year. My roomate and I even had this unspoken contest as to who could pin the most depressing song lyrics on our walls. It got pretty ridiculous, until one day I decided to go another route.

I put up the lyrics to a song from The Muppet Movie. The song is entitled "I Hope that Somethi' Better Comes Along." It is an upbeat little number sung by a frog and dog bemoaning the difficulties of relationships. For me that was the ray of optimism (and absurdity) that broke through the clouds of my little self centered world.

That fall turned to spring, and graduation was right around the corner. Soon enough our group of close knit friends slowly drifted apart as new jobs took us to new places and new lives and new marriages added new responsibilities. My roommate married, and together we celebrated that his "something better' had come along.

Here I am today, nearly twelve years later. And I find that melancholy is a pretty easy mode to slip into.

The link above is from the newest Muppet film (debuting Nov 23). One of the lyrics states, "Life's a happy song, when you have someone by your side to sing along." I can do several things with this lyric. I can bemoan that fact that I am alone (I'm not, but I am certainty not living the story I had envisioned I would be twelve years out of undergraduate school.). I can focus on the community that is around me (which I am trying so very hard to do. I always assume that no one wants to deal with my stuff, should have to deal with my stuff, or simply has there own stuff to deal with). Or I can do something completely else.

I cam realize that the Muppets are liars.

In the same movie where the frog and the dog sing of the woes caused by inter-species relationships, there is a much more famous song, "The Rainbow Connection." It is the song that opens the film. The Muppet Movie ends with what is essentially the second stanza of "The Rainbow Connection" known as the "Magic Store."

"The Magic Store" begins with these words "Life is a story. Write your own ending."

Part of me wishes that sentiment was true. I would love to take pen to paper and make my wishes and dreams come true. However, the wiser part of me knows that we do not write our own endings. God does. God is the author of this hero's journey I am on.

I can do many things as I look at the story of my life. I can look too far too deeply into the past and become stuck there unable to be effective here and now. I can do the same with the future.

But in this story it is the author who is omniscient and not I. I do not know what the future holds and honestly barely understand what the present holds.

I do not know why registration is such a difficult task for me to understand, or why my radiator hates me, I do not know why the school work can seem overwhelming at times.

I don't know when my something better may come along, I don't get to write my own ending.

But even without knowing those things, there is something I can do. I can be obedient.

I know one thing. And I am relatively sure of one thing.

God has made me to be a Children's Pastor. That is my call, that is my vocation, that is my core, that is my true self. I am relatively sure that North Park is the road to accomplishing becoming a Children's Pastor.

And so I push on. I obey. I do what I can to move through this course of education, and trust to God for the rest.

So my life can indeed be a happy song. Because I trust not in the plans I have, or in the ending I would write. I trust instead in God.

The Muppets may be liars. But my God is not.

So for now, for today, I will hold onto His plan and trust in His ending.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

God is amazing.

God is amazing.

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking of a clever title for my blog. Today I am just going to cut to the chase. God is amazing. Below is one chapter from my story that reminds me how amazing God is, how unthinkable it is that He would use me to let others know how amazing He is.

Seminary is hard. I tend to have one or two responses to this (after the sheer panic), fight or flight. Some days the challenge of the work and the pressing needs of life and Spiritual growth drive me to buckle down, dive in, fly right, and many other clichéd sayings to get the work done. I “fight.” I rise to the challenge (As and Bs thus far, thankyouverymuch.)

Others days see me in full flight mode. Overwhelmed by the amount of work to do (whether it be in the classroom or wrestling with God as he shapes me into a new person) I run. I dive not into books but into media. It could be online vids, playing chess against the computer, watching old episodes of the Muppets, or even simply sleep. Sunday evening was a time of flight.

When I run, somehow the free time I have is eaten away and suddenly then it’s time for bed. By now I am so engrossed in learning about the impeding Muppets appearance on WWE (which actually happened) or simply determined to beat the computer in a game of chess (I think my win percent is like 8%, and even that doesn’t count the dozens of games I have quit in the middle of facing the inevitable checkmate of the PC.) that I push back a half hour of sleep for a half hour of play.  Then it’s “one more vid” “one more game.” Before I know it is 1:00am and Chapel starts in 7 and half hours.

That was Sunday night. The spiral of sloth and avoidance led not to rest but self-destruction. But I figured Monday (Halloween) would be a good day. Monday means costumes and candy, and more importantly it means opening up the church and allowing the neighborhood to come enjoy costumes and candy, as well as games and the Gospel. I was sharing the Good News of Christ that night, and I was going to use the analogy of a Jack-O-Lantern to do so. (Think of the analogy that comes from II Cor 5:17 about new creations that you have heard about butterflies, and sub in pumpkin to Jack-O-Lantern.) I knew that I needed a Jack-O-Lantern prepped and ready to go before Monday. 

The Tuesday before a friend and myself spent the evening carving Jack-O-Lanterns. I put mine out back so that it wouldn’t rot. The squirrels (which there are plenty of around these parts) got to my Pumpkin and nibbled at the eye sockets. An easy enough fix, but I decided to bring the Lantern in to avoid any other potential damage caused by hungry rodents.

Before we continue a little background is necessary. I have lived in several places, and while they were all in California several of them experienced cold weather (not Midwest cold, but still cold). I have lived in houses that have been heated by stoves, fireplaces, and central heat. My apartment in Chicago has something I haven’t used before, a radiator. It seems like a simple enough device to work, and yet the thing confounds me.

It turns on at random times (the middle of the night, when I am at class). I have turned the valve to the off position and still the thing comes on. Monday night as I sat in the living room wasting my time, the radiator sprang to life (and when I say sprang it gurgled and hissed and clunked its way into action). I went over and turned it off. It stopped producing heat and it stopped making noise. It stayed in this state as I spent my evening watching the special features on the Captain America DVD. 

Now back to our story…

I woke up on Monday morning at exactly 9:30am, the time that chapel starts. I was discouraged that I had missed an opportunity for learning and community. However, I was not dissuaded. I had homework to do before class, then a lovely evening of sharing how amazing my God is.

As I left the bedroom I heard the hiss of my radiator. (I swear the thing doesn’t like me. ) Because not only was it on, it was on full tilt and it was actually hot in my apartment. I went into the kitchen to check on my Jack-O-Lantern. It had melted. Sure the scientific term would be rotted, but it looked like a deflated balloon. A giant orange balloon that was leaking on my kitchen floor. The Jack-O-Lantern was taken to the compost pile behind the apartments, the floor was cleaned, and I like the once mighty Lantern was deflated and defeated. I grabbed my computer and sank back into my online world.

Fortunately, my online world also holds many of the people of my present community. I received two offers to help me carve a new pumpkin. But I made the excuse of time to both. I didn’t want to be in community just then. I was lazy and slothful, I clearly can’t work a radiator, my visual aid is now useless, and all this means that God can’t use me (It doesn’t but that was my mindset).

So I sat and pouted and prayed. I prayed that despite my rotten pumpkin and my sour attitude that God would use me to make himself known that night at church.

I went to class. My Monday class is actually a small group where we are sharing in each other’s lives through the weekly telling of small bits of our stories centered around a theme. Today’s theme was Transition. I shared, but not much. I couldn’t find the words (shocking I know). I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be in seminary.  I felt that clearly I was failing in effective ministry.  I felt like I was out of place.

The church I attend is a little less than a mile from campus. As I walked to the Harvest Festival I prayed once again that God would use me despite myself.

I had enough time to use one of the “before” pumpkins that were at the church to turn it into a new Jack-0-Lantern. So now things were set. Now that I had my object I could teach my lesson.

I honestly thought that God would use me only in spite of myself.
But He didn’t. He used me.

He used my gifts and abilities to teach the Gospel. He used my love of stories to explain how amazing He is.

There was one girl that came to story time twice. She asked questions both times. I don’t know how my answers will be used in her story as God calls her to know and love Him. I am not so vain to think that without her encounter with me, God would be lacking in resources to draw her unto himself. But I do know this. God used me when I didn’t think I could be used, when I assumed that I shouldn’t be used.

Why? Because God is amazing.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse Letourneau

my visual aids for learning the Gospel's characteristics

Sometimes inspiration hits and you get distracted with pointless projects.

Below are the visual representations I will be using to help me remember the characteristics of the Gospels:

Matthew
Teacher/Collector

Discourses/The Church                                             


Mark
Action

Conflict/Fear
Problematic ending



Luke
Volume One of Two












Concern for the poor


John
Unique












wordplay/irony
misunderstanding
God as Father

And now back to work....

middles

There is a ton that I have been learning and doing these days. But I haven’t written cause I was comparing my life to other bogs. I have no commitments to bathe more, no dreams of Romanian squirrels, no adventures picking blackberries among the giants. But then I remembered why I started this blog.

Once again I find myself quite a ways from those I love and those who love me. And apparently you all wanna know what’s going on with me in this new adventure. And since keeping those that are far away updated with my life is the reason I started this blog low those many years ago, here we go with some scattershot snippets of life in Chicago.

I am living in a one bedroom apartment. It is great in the mornings as my routine and noise don’t disturb anyone and the only thing I have to concentrate on is getting out the door in time for class or chapel.

Chapel is Mondays and Thursdays which are the days that I have 1pm classes. So not only do they serve to build community and learning, they server to get me out of the house before noon.

Tuesday and Wednesday I have 8am classes (Thursday I also have a 3pm class and a 6:30pm class).

So far classes are good. Tons of reading, which isn’t my strength, but it needs to get done, so it does.

Coming home in the evenings is harder, as there isn’t forced community going on. As much as living in community at ARCG was a struggle at times, there was nothing better than coming home to a movie or a game of Quelf already in progress. So I have to go and find community. I have to ask to hang out, I have to be vulnerable, I have to go and seek out the awesome people that I am surrounded by. (prayer request number one=that I would be intentional about seeking out community)

Thursdays are my longest day. After classes end at 9pm, there is a Vespers service. For those of you who went to Simpson think Worship Jam. For those of you who didn’t think an hour of worship through music with undergrad and seminary students alike.
Last Thursday was particularly impactful.

That afternoon I sat in class and took notes on the difference doctrines of Christ. We learned of the 3rd-5th century debates where various Church Fathers veered to far left or right when defining either the humanity or the divinity of Christ. Doctrinal disagreements leading to arguments, papers written, councils called, bar songs being written, excommunication of the other side enacted by both parties, and official positions being taken.

It is easy to sit and laugh at the early church (forgetting we do much the same today) for their fighting, for their obvious faults in logic and Biblical understanding, and forget that they were defining and shaping the faith that we have today. That night at Vespers, we sang about Christ, who He is and His work in our lives. It was wonderful to worship my God in spirit and in truth, to worship in the classroom and in the chapel. To know that sound theology lies behind the lyrics and that the lyrics help to teach and define the theology.

That morning I had a conversation with a close friend about how God was digging into my life to redefine my identity, and the specific areas where I was still holding on to it. That evening we also sang songs about God’s goodness. Songs about God’s unfailing love. (prayer request number 2, that I will let go and let God. That my identity will be found solely in him.)

I have found a tiny (by CA standards) Presbyterian Church less than a mile north of campus. It is a congregation of two hundred that is predominately Japanese. They need help in their Children’s Ministry department. If all continues to go forward I will be taking a (paying no less) internship with them starting in January. (request number three, that this internship will meet my financial needs so that I can continue to stay at North Park.)

Found a couple of grocery stores within walking distance. One is largely Middle Eastern and the other is multi-cultural. The down side is that both charge way too much for cereal.

So the long and the short of it all is my greatest physical need is that I can’t find cheap cereal, my greatest academic woe is that reading is hard, and my great spiritual struggle is fighting God as he wants to remake me so that I trust Him more and rely not on the temporal things of this world.

I suppose life isn’t too bad. (I’ll write again after it snows.)

Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away,

--Jesse Letourneau

beginnings

I have tried to write a deep meaningful blog a couple different times this week. There are too many themes, too many thoughts, too many emotions swirl ling around for me to land on any one thing.

I can say I love it here.
I feel like this is exactly where God has me.

When I left Alliance, and even in Long Beach, there were no formal prayers commissioning me out. I think because what I learned at ARCG is only going to magnified and intensified during this season. My time before camp and my time at camp were contrasts and different seasons, now I think I am in a "same song, next verse" setting. That camp was just the baby step, just the warm up for what God is doing in me during this season of growth.

I have been tempted to stop and reflect, but I would rather just experience, just be here. With all the fears and doubts, with all the assurance and signs, with new friends and nights spent alone, all of it, just to let it be and let it sit. I don't know what it all means yet. I just know that I am in for something big. And I am all in.

If you don't yet know I have some pics up over at facebook from the neighborhood.

Which reminds me I did want to report on a few bits to begin to paint a pic of where I am. There are roughly 40 first year students and just under 100 seminary students. I like like 10 feet from the library and 20 from the Seminary building. I am in a one bedroom apartment, which is nice in the morning, and can be hard in the afternoon/evenings with no one around.

I have three "real classes" Interpreting the New Testament, Identity in Ministry and History of the Church and Mission. Along with a one unit class called Spiritual Journey that is designed more to feed us than to impart further knowledge/stress on us. And another one unit called Vocational excellent, which will occur during the week long break in October.

I do have peanut butter, bread, and some cliff bars in fridge. Still figuring out money stuff, and I think when that happens I will feel freer to spend some money on me. I did go to the Mexican place on the corner. I have had their tacos and their torta, both were disappointing. I do hold out hope for the burrito which can serve as two meals for like $3 plus tip.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

It's time to light the lights

It’s 7:05pm and I get a call on my cell. Not having a hands free device I let it go to voicemail. 7:10 and the familiar chime of a received message beeps from my pocket. I am already ten minutes late, so I risk the ticket and pull the phone out at the next light. A voice comes from the phone’s loud speaker telling me that if I am not there by 7:15pm I won’t be let in.

I make it to the parking lot and park my Civic. Spurred on by adrenaline, I make the two hundred yard dash to the theatre in time to receive my wristband. The dark green piece of paper I attach around my wrist ensures that I will be able to experience something that I have never been able to do before. I am about to witness a big screen viewing of my childhood heroes the Muppets.

To make the evening even more special I am about to watch not just a simple rerun of one of the classic Muppet Movies. I am about to see a sneak preview of this November's sure to be break out film, merely titled The Muppets. And from this point forward SPOILER WARNINGS are in effect. (None plot specific)

There are original songs. There are a ton of cameos (I know big surprise), and many of them go by so quickly that the old cliché of blink and you might miss them actually applies. The puppets look great. The performances are wonderful. And Walter absolutely belongs to this world.

And now for the he big question: “Was it any good?” Yes, yes it was. It was all kinds of good. Will it bring throngs of new fans into the theatres for years to come? Will it spawn television shows, guest appearances on late night television, and scores of lunch boxes, backpacks, and watches adorned with singing frogs and dancing bears? That I don’t know.

I can tell you it was definitely aimed at the adult fan. This film isn’t as much an introduction of the characters to new fans as much as it is an exercise in asking us older folks, “Remember them?” The film’s central question- Can we go back to the way things were or is it time to move on and grow up?- is a question often echoed by those in their 20s and 30s, those old enough to have childhood memories of the Muppets. Using the Muppets as the cultural icon to ask this question in allegoric form works quite well.

I am glad the Muppets are back, and look forward to seeing the film again when hits theatres in November.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

special thanks to the Kry

I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
wih a child-like heart
simply put your hope in Me

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days' better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me

just like a child
holding daddy's hand
don't let go of mine
you know you can't stand on your own

take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days' better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Journal Entry from 8/11/11

Unpacking and Packing
Several years ago I went on a mission trip to England. As our time came to a close our leader Tom spoke to us about unpacking. He noted that when we returned home we be unpacking not just our clothes and souvenirs, but our memories and lessons learned as well. Tom said that some lessons would be unpacked as soon as we got home, while others could take days and months, and some even years.

Since that trip, I have tried to look at what I am learning and how past experiences, even those years and decades past form and inform the present.

The present is a tricky thing for me. I like to look down the road. I like to know what is next. I like to plan. I want to have control.

I have sat at kitchen tables, gym floors, and airports surrendering my control to God. Each time a baby step, a microcosm of my movement toward God.

As I write, memories and lessons of this year crash and swirl together. Trying to make sense of my past, praying to present and enjoy my time here and now, some days dreading the future-yet learning to obey-and learning to not doubt my God who has my future.

I was recently found a note in my mailbox that reminded me that, "Life is not like a movie. God writes our endings." In the same note my friend mentioned that there was pain in this year for me. There definitely was pain, but as time moves on and the present becomes the past the pain grows smaller and it becomes harder to see. Lessons began to form and take its place. I have begun to unpack some of these lessons.

I am not only unpacking memories and lessons as I look back; I am trying to pack up-to store up-memories and lessons to take with me to Chicago. I am also trying to physically pack up my clothes and souvenirs to take with me to Chicago. That has not gone as planned. There is still much to do before I leave for Long Beach, and even more before I leave for Chicago. However, I am also trying to pack up some memories in my last few days to take with me. So clothes are left on shelves, but opportunities are not wasted.

DCB with PC

Wednesday night Phillip and I went to go see the David Crowder Band at the Sonoma County Fair. I didn’t know I was going to that 7:30pm show until 3:30pm that day. Merv and the Spring Hill Community Church worship band opened for DCB that night. Merv gave two of his comped tickets to me and Phillip.

The seats were in section DD. Both Phillip and I assumed that we would be rocking the nose bleed section of the outdoor venue that night. We met some other friends at the fair who had purchased their tickets online. As we walked in through the general admission gate, we were pulled aside and told that we had come in the wrong way. Our entrance was on the other side. We were escorted to the correct gate and given a new hand stamp. The seats were basically a mosh pit with chairs, and we were ten rows back from the stage. We had taken the lowly seats and been given places of honor.

This picture as silly as it may seem, reminded me of how my God is in the business of raising people up. How God desires for us to be used in ways we could never dream possible.

There were several people I knew already there. Seeing friends from work and RCC, singing and praising our heavenly Father, reminded me of the undreamed blessing I have already received from God. That night assured me that God can and will use me in Chicago.

The night reminded me that while Abraham walked (however imperfectly) in faith, he did so after God had given him a promise. Moses went to Pharaoh after receiving a promise from God. Joshua took command of the Israelites after receiving a promise from God. All of these men had limited views of how God was going to work. Their faith was in the promise of God. The promise that while they didn’t know how, they knew that he would indeed work.

I certainly do not know how God is going to work in me in Chicago but I know he will. I know this because I too have been given a promise. I have been promised that I am to work with kids. To teach them about Christ’s unfailing love for them. To teach them the promises of God.

DCB left the stage to chants of “Of one more song!” They returned and played an encore of “Here I am to worship.”

As I raised my voice, my hand, and my heart to God, that song summed up that night and this last month. As I sang I was reminded of the countless times I had proclaimed that He was my God. As I looked up at the moon filled sky, as I heard friends and strangers praising, I knew that my God was all together worthy, all together lovely- and that He has been all together wonderful to me.

I was reminded of the countless times I had sung this song before. I recalled the tables, floors and airports where I had called out to God. As the melody looped back around and the words, “Here I am to worship” came from my lips, I knew that it was not a declaration of location, but of motivation.

I have loved my time here in Northern California. However, I am no longer here to worship. My place is now in Chicago.

Under the night sky I once again surrendered my control to God. As I thought on the past and savored the present, I knew that God has undreamed blessings upon my future.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

train of thought

So random tidbits,

My car battery died yesterday, hopefully that is all it is and not the alternator (getting that checked out today).

I am in Occidental for a length of time that will require only one more haircut.

Obedience is hard, but it is easier than faith.

Ping pong balls only go missing on my days off.

From the outside it is possible to see what could be, but it is not easy from the outside to see what is.

I have learned more than I thought was possible this year.

There are days I feel like I have forgotten more than was possible.

I don't think I will have closure to my time here at Alliance, because what I have learned was only the prologue for what God has for me in Chicago.

I NEVER thought I would pursue being a pastor.

I never thought I would move somewhere without a job lined up.

I don't know what state I will be in, but I know where I will be Thanksgiving weekend (at a theatre watching The Muppets).

All the plans I once held dear

I now count as loss

Hoping/Needing/Always Needing to be taken back to the cross.

I never in a million years thought that from where I was I could end up here.

I have no idea how what I thought I wanted and needed didn't come to pass, and have no idea how much better God's plan for me is.

I need to find an excuse to drive the Gator one more time.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

Traveling to Egypt

Abraham is often cited (and rightly so) for being a man of extraordinary faith. God told him to go, and he did. God didn't say where exactly, or how long it would take, just to go. Hebrews tells us that faith is the evidence of things not seen the assurance of things hoped for.

When I was a child I assumed this verse spoke of belief in Christ, trusting in God, and having my ticket punched for my train ride to heaven. To be sure faith in an unseen God is crucial. It is the starting point, but I am learning faith is much more than that.

Abraham wasn't given a clear destination. I have been given one. Here is the thing, I haven't been told the how. I hate not knowing the how. I hate not having control, I hate the unknown. I struggle with faith.

It is funny that I have used the word destination, as if Chicago/North Park was the end of the road. As if once I get into school, once I get a ministry of my own, then I am done growing. Then God will use me, but surely He won't stretch me any further. As if then I will have finally arrived.

When Abraham was told to go, he went. And then he hit trouble. Famine hit the land and Abe decided he needed to eat. There was food in Egypt, and so logically he went there. The problem was that Egypt was off the course. Egypt was Abe's answer to the problem not God's. Now once in Egypt, Abraham made a few other costly mistakes (that ironically enough came about due to lack of faith). I think lack of faith comes when we think we have a better answer than what God has.

The astute among you will know that I have written about destination and journeys on this blog before. You will note that I have written about being in a place of peace in allowing the journey to take precedent over just reaching the destiny. Those of you who know me well, will know that this didn't come easy, and that I am likely to have to repeat my lessons.

I had this picture of me living in a small place eating, but not eating well, getting by, and going to school. I saw this picture of the first act of a cliched small town boy moves to big city kind of story. And I was okay with that, until this job opportunity came along. Then I didn't want to suffer, I wanted the easy road, and that is the path I pursued.

I didn't get the Children's Minister position in Chicago. Which means not only was I taking pieces of the puzzle that were not yet mine and trying to fit them into the picture I wanted to make, it also means I still don't know how I am going pay for things like food and shelter. I know God can provide, my heart is just having trouble finding the faith that He will. Cause I want the control, I want to know how things are going to work.


--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away
--Jesse Letourneau

It's TIME to light the lights...

click the link to find out why I am so excited.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

The Last Four Months Part 1 and 2

So, it has been four months since I have put pen to paper. Well, it has been four months since I have blogged in a major way. So much has happened in the last four months I doubt it will all be put down here. So much has happened in the last three days, I don't yet know what it all means.

So when we last left our tale of my "heroes journey" I was back from Africa and reflecting on the lessons of that trip. Last night I found myself doing the same thing. Last night, I was reminded of God's call on my life to serve kids, to serve kids that have no one else.

On February 14, I had a discussion about our lives in Christ and how they are like a puzzle. However, we aren't always given a view of all the pieces at one time. Sometimes where you think a certain piece fits into the story isn't where it belongs at all. Sometimes you have pieces, yet you have no clue how they fit into the masterpiece God is weaving, and you just have to wait. This season was about waiting.

Sometimes you have a piece that you know fits, but you don't know where. You don't have the compliment to the piece. Sometimes you don't know how things are going to work out and you have to trust that the piece you have will connect to the rest in due time. Sometimes you have to follow the what even when you don't know the how. Sometimes you have to risk. The season was about risk.

On February 18, I went on a date with a co worker from camp. That date lead to a relationship. That relationship led to several pieces being handed to me. However, I assumed I knew where they went. I assumed that what I wanted, that the picture I would paint matched perfectly with what God had for me.

Just over eight weeks later we broke up. The pieces, the growth, the lessons, the truths, the time, the memories, the experiences, the treasure of each moment with her were all still there. Only now they looked different. They fit together differently. How they played into the picture was completely different.

I had taken risks and the end result was God letting me know that it was time once again to wait. Time to continue to be single. Time to rely on Him for who I am, rely on Him and nothing more, rely on no one else for how I see myself. Time again to wait.

In the middle of all this I was given yet another piece to my story. I was encouraged to apply to North Park Seminary in Chicago.

I am assured that I am a Children's Pastor. I simply do not yet have a church at which I serve full time. Going to North Park seemed to be the answer. Seemed to be the next step, the next piece, the next chapter. However, I have no money (well some, but compared to the cost of moving/living/and paying for school I have none).

When God calls, God provides. So I applied. I applied for the full tuition Presidential Scholarship.

I was accepted into North Park. I was denied the scholarship. So, now I am left holding pieces that don't fit together. Holding chapters with major plot holes. Holding onto fear that I will end up where I was two and half years ago. Praying to let go of fear and hold onto God. Knowing that the pieces do fit, just not in the way, just not in the time that I first thought.

This season is about waiting. This season is about risk.

Moses was called to go to Pharaoh and tell him to let the Hebrews leave Egypt. And what did Moses get for his obedience? Pharaoh mad at him, his countrymen made to work harder, and the Hebrew leaders upset with him for meddling in their affairs. If I was Moses I would be mad. I would be upset. I would be holding onto fear that maybe I imagined that flaming shrubbery, and this wasn't what God had for me.

But Moses went back. And Pharaoh said no. And Moses went back again, and Pharaoh said no. God was doing more than showing Moses about obedience and being used of God. God was dealing with Pharaoh, with the Hebrews, with Egypt, with promises made to Abraham, and with setting the tone for what would be the future of Israel. And in the end Moses and his people walked across dry land, while Pharaoh and his army did the dead man's float (Oh, baby let my people go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said Oh baby...)

I have some pieces and I don't know how they all fit. I know one is a picture of me as Children's Pastor. I know that one is not me returning here to camp. I know that one is not returning home to live on a couch and nurse my emotional wounds.

I know that I have been accepted into North Park. I know that Chicago sounds like a great city. I know that North Park had programs to work with inner city kids. I know my heart for South Africa may be met, in some small way, by working with them. I know that the piece with me as a Children's Pastor needs to be one I follow in obedience. I know that a degree can help this become a reality. God showed me North Park. He never said that it would be free. He never said that it would be easy or comfortable or only take me two years.

Waiting and Risk. But waiting in the One who fulfills His promises. Taking risks with the One who fulfills all his promises.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

The story of my first date with Emily (for those of you who care):
I entered the Spring Semester here at ARCG, with the thought that I would do my job, look for churches to serve in full time Children's ministry, and then move on. That and nothing more.

I told God that I was happy to put aside the pursuit of finding someone to date of finding "that right one", and focus on my task here at camp. Focus on pursuing full time ministry. I have been single for the vast majority of my adult life. I have been on a handfull of dates, but never "dated" anyone. I have had countless friends tell me that God would bring me the right person as soon as I stopped looking.

I can't tell you how much I hated that advice. How do you turn off the part of you that knows "it is not good for man to be alone?" How do you stop wanting community at the most intimate level? How? To be honest, I could make a big deal about how I did just that. How I trusted God and his timing. How I finally stopped looking and rested in where I was. But, here is the problem. I never actually did that.

I stopped looking, because there was nothing left to seek. I looked around at my life at camp and my life at church and there was no one there who was a compliment to who I was. There were plenty of godly women around, but none were the right one for me.

So, I told God that I could wait. What other choice did I have?

This January I met a new coworker named Emily. She grew up in a Covenant Church (which just happens to be the denomination of the church I am attending). However, I always hesitate to offer rides to church because I am there for both services and I don't want anyone to have to wait around for me. Emily doesn't mind, in fact enjoys spending time alone. I started giving her a ride to and from church on Sundays. Our friendship grew out of these times together.

Roughly a month into the Spring Semester (and yes, Daria they are semesters), my roommate and I were discussing a retreat we went on last fall, and how there was a girl there from another camp who liked me. Which of course I was completely oblivious to. Only half joking, I asked him why he didn't tell me. He asked, if I wanted him to tell me when he saw these things. I told him I did.

"Pursue Emily" was the response.

The next couple of weeks I thought and prayed about my feelings for Emily, and what I should do. All the while paying attention to her, and noticing her smiling at me when she thought I wasn't looking, and laughing at my jokes that weren't funny.

It was during this time that Scott Peterson recomened I started looking at North Park Seminary. On the ride home I was sharing with Emily about the news. Our conversation allowed me to process what I thought about the idea. While, I was intially nervous about the change (I still am), I was also beginning to see how well North Park fit what God has for me.

Emily remarked, "I am really excited for you." That was the moment I knew I needed to invest in this girl. I knew that we liked each other, and that we were compatible, but I hadn't done anything out of the friend range at this point. The way she said it, though conveyed that she cared about me and my following God. She didn't try and scheme to keep me around. I knew that she had my best interests at heart (and her definition of my best interests, is me following God, which is an incredible thing).

So it took me another week to fall for her completely, and to decide, that even though I was possibly leaving camp soon, that a relationship with her was worth the risk.

We went to dinner on a Friday. We tried two places, but both were closed, so while driving in circles in the dark, and playing with my GPS, and making cracks about the Holy Spirit (guiding us) and being the Holy Spirit for each other (she was choosing the third place), and kinda flirting, we arrived at a little burger joint. It is owned by a Greek family and we got complimentary falafel!

We sat and talked, and told our stories (Okay, we all know I talked more than she did). We talked about God calling us to camp and danced around the issue in front of us.

On the drive home the following conversation took place:
Emily, "Can I ask an awkward question?"
Jesse, "Please do."
Emily, "Is this a date?"
Jesse, "I kinda hoped it was, and would be disappointed if it wasn't."
Emily, "I would be disappointed too."

Then I blabbed about how much I liked her (and may have scared her a little). We came home and hung out a little.

I walked her to her house and made a comment about awkward moments. She said how about a high five? I gave her a high five, and a side hug. Then went home.

The little things

So if you believe in coincidence then you will chalk up my story to nothing more than that.

If you know my God, then you will no doubt see his fingerprints on this story.

Change, Journey, Destination, Risk, Growth, Manhood, Servanthood, even Puzzles. These words have defined my road the last two years here at Alliance. Some of them stretching even farther back than that. This semester has been wrapped up in the word Identity. I have much more to write on that when the time comes.

The very condensed back story to this entry is that my identity has been shaken and stripped. Who I thought God was making me to be I no longer trusted in. I felt alone and I felt helpless. I had no control. And instead of giving control back to God (or rather admitting He had it all along) I tried to find it in other ways and by other means.

All the while my prayer was that I could give God control. But I knew I didn't really want to. Not just yet. I wanted to wallow just a little longer.

One thing I thought I knew was God’s calling for me to attend North Park Seminary in Chicago. There is another story for another day, but the short version is God asked me to become a Children's Pastor (see previous entries) and showed me my next turn was to attend North Park in Chicago.

I was happy to apply to the school, apply for the scholarships, and then wait. However, when my life turned upside down, when what I was holding onto for my identity was radically shaken, I stopped trusting and became anxious. I checked my mailbox every day (sometimes multiple times a day, as if the mailman was going to circle back and deliver a letter he had placed on the dashboard of his little white truck) for news from North Park. I needed assurance that I still knew where God was taking me. Even if only in the physical sense. I knew what I truly needed was to meet with God. To focus not on my needs but on His Word.

Here is something that a prospective seminary student maybe shouldn't admit. I have lost my Bible.

I work at a Christian camp and am literally surrounded by Bibles. But like a little whinny baby, I wanted MY Bible. Only MY Bible could do. I didn't really believe this lie, I just wanted to put off hearing from God. I was afraid of what He would say. I was afraid He would ask me to trust Him even if seminary rejected me and I had no plans for the fall.

This weekend I was sick. Legitimately sick. Symptoms, fever, aches, the whole nine yards. But I used this as an excuse to just wallow in self doubt and self pity and second guessing. I used the excuse that I was tired and wouldn't get anything out of reading the Bible.

This morning I had the day off, and felt much better. I got a couple of chores done, and even went outside. But still I felt bad, and wanted to feel that way. I knew how to change my attitude, I simply chose not to.

After dinner this evening I checked my mail (for like the third time today). And there wasn't an letter that the postman had forgotten. Instead there was a Bible bought at a second hand store. A Bible bought for me by a friend knowing I had lost mine.

So, having a Bible of my own, I sat down and read. Nothing fancy. Nothing life changing or new. Just a Psalm and the first few chapters of Proverbs. Then there was a Psalm I wanted to read, but couldn't remember exactly where it was, so I went to the computer to look it up.

Of course I had to check my email first. In my inbox was a note from North Park Seminary, saying that the scholarship meeting has been moved back, and that decisions are coming soon. Knowing that they have my paperwork. Knowing that there will be an answer has taken so much weight off my shoulders. I can put that piece of the puzzle back in God's hand.

Like I said, it seems so much like a simple coincidence. But I know the timing of everything was in His hands, and my simple act of yielding was answered by a simple act of assurance that the plan is still in motion, still trust worthy, still the one I am to be on right now.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

My muchness and much more

I have so much more to say about CSA, but I also have so much to say about these first two months back at ARCG. My brain dictates that I finish up Africa before moving to the present. But there simply isn't the time. Instead you are getting the cliff notes version of CSA. Followed by some thoughts from this year. I have written about how I went to CSA thinking I was going to be the leader, the one who knew everything. How it felt like I fell down a rabbit hole and didn't know my left from my right, or my up from my down. I wrote about a couple of the characters I met there. I even added some foreshadowing about coming alongside the amazing people already working in South Africa. It is this chunk of the story that we will have to skip (or maybe save for another day).

I will say that we met pastors and teachers, as well as the South Africans of the team who are living a life of sacrifice, a life of service, who are the ones striving for change, shining the brightest of lights in one of the world's darkest places. We spent 28 days in country. I could write 28 pages (and probably more) dealing with the beacons of hope that I was privileged to come along side while I was there. I want to tell two stories of God's power through me while in SA. The first is about a girl we will call Mikalleya and a little boy "named" Sabanyo.

We were doing a day rally at one of the many schools we worked with over the month. It was early in the trip and somehow I got put in charge of the younger set without an interpreter. It didn't matter what game I played or what tactic I took, everything ended up in a game of "hit your neighbor as many times as you can." I had to go and grab Caleb and ask him to talk the boys about respecting one another. As Caleb did this, a girl maybe 10 or 11 came up to me and wanted to talk. We spoke of God, His Son, the cross, the empty tomb, and grace. Mikalleya said she had heard these things before. I asked her if she believed them. She said that she did. I prayed with her. I told her that I would continue to pray for her, and that anytime she needed help, God would be there for here. It sounds simple, but it was for me an evidence of God having such a better plan than the one we had. I shouldn't have "needed" help. Caleb was "suppose" to be playing soccer with the older kids. But God had an appointment for me and Mikalleya that He needed to orchestrate.

The second story takes place towards the end of my time in SA. It was the second to last day of service. We were in a tiny village made up of tin shacks and half naked toddlers. After some songs and games, the team passed out clothes and other supplies. It didn't take the full team to facilitate this so I sat down in the single shady area created by our van. Sabanyo sat next to me and took my hand. I did grab Sabanyo's hand to form a circle for our song and game time, however I had done nothing else to make any connection with him. We simply sat hand in hand.

I was tired. The heat, the dust, the poverty, my selfishness, the trip and its toll on my heart, soul, and mind, they all conspired to make me content to simply sit and not engage Sabanyo in anyway. He was younger, probably didn't speak enough English to really converse anyway. Plus he seemed content to sit and let me hold his hand.

I did pray. I did ask God that this little boy would know the love the Heavenly Father. But I said nothing aloud. I then stepped outside of my strengths, and asked him his name. We began to talk of God and His love. I saw in this little child's eyes an understanding not that I had accepted him, but that God had accepted Him, and had chosen me to be the hand of God that Sabanyo could physically hold.

Now I mentioned the heat and the dust, the exhaustion and the toll, and at times I am tempted to believe I projected everything I saw and heard onto this little one. But I know my God, I know how big He is, and I know how He works.

Sabnyo and I prayed together. He had not yet heard the wonderful story of God and His love. We prayed together and the angels rejoiced that day at another son of God returned home. I told Sabnyo that would praying for him and wanted to hear good things about him in the future. It is this one little boy that tugs at my heart. The one reason that I regret not being able to return to SA as a part of CSA in 2011.

More on the awesomness God has brought to me in the last two months next time (and why I will be busy in Nov/Dec of next year).

I do want to close with a statement that has rattled around in my head since that day with Sabanyo. A truth I don't fully understand, that I won't ever fully understand, a reality that I want to live my life by. My God is so big, that he used sitting in dust next to a impoveresd South African child to remind me that He doesn't need my talents, all he needs is my availability. He used that same moment to assure me that He has a place and a role for me in the American Church.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

PS Needless to add, I found my muchness (where it had been all along-inside the love of God.)

housekeeping

Hey all,

Reading back through my blog I realized I hadn't yet given part three of my Arriving at Destination "series." The short version is that friends from home came up for the weekend, and we spent it laughing, sharing, eating (tons of great food, and they kept insisting on paying), going on ziplines in the rain, and the canopy tour on the sunniest day of the weekend.

I was blessed by their presence, and so very blessed by being able to be in place to give back (working at camp allowed me to have their weekend to be quite cheap). Again to serve from a place of strength. It was doubly honoring to serve from a place of strength to one of the many groups of people who served me when I was still in my place of (for lack of a better term) weakness.

I know the journey through my time in Africa is incomplete and long overdue. I have summarized the trip into two more blog posts, I just need to get them from my head to the screen. They will come "shortly."

A new season of Outdoor Ed has begun here at ARCG. Loving the new team, looking forward to getting to interact with the kids.

--Serving Him alongside all of you, just from further away

--Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau

random thoughts from Africa, one thought after...

Marble in the Oatmeal (this is the most obscure title I will use, if you don't get it, don't worry.)

***Full disclosure, the last blog was altered from my original journal entries. The sentences were reworked to be more coherent and the foreshadowing of our coming along side others was written after I had seen that happen.***

Now, that I have confessed I tried to make myself seem more aware of the future by writing in the present, but making it sound like the past,- to show off what I knew of the future, that was then in the past, and the time I wrote which is now far in the past, I can ... wait, what?

In any event please enjoy this entry which is word from word from my journal:

George, South Africa

As I shared this morning I feel like I am drinking from a Spiritual Fire Hose.

As I sit and reflect on ideas I am flooded with thoughts, moments, and ideas.

-God doesn't want my gifts and passions as much as He wants my availability.

-My God is big.

-My God offers Hope I don't truly understand

-I am excited to see how my passion for the American Church and my heart for South Africa come together.

--the little girl at the Big White Church -who was so happy to be in my arms-that she clung to me the first time her mom came to get her-the little girl who allowed me to stand rather than jump around during worship-allowing for a much needed rest before leading rec.

-the simple Milo latte at Mugg & Bean (see below)

Impact

Do my actions matter? Is what I am doing making any difference? We have all faced these questions.

South Africa is a land of vast contrasts. On the road from the airport to the first campsite we stayed at there are acres of shacks and lean-tos. These makeshift houses are filled with families whose parents and grandparents were once told by their government that were less than human because of the color of their skin. On the opposite side of the street, sit houses of affluent white families, most of whom have never known material need.

As you know, this winter I had the opportunity to visit Cape Town to try and make a difference, to try and matter. I gave out peanut butter sandwiches, played games with rubber chickens, and allowed the children who live in those shacks and lean-tos to have an afternoon of hope and joy. The struggles of Cape Town are immense. One can’t help but ask the questions. To ask if they are making an impact.

My trip was full of contrasts. In the morning the team would be playing in the squatter camps, and in the afternoon we would strolling through upscale malls hoping to purchase unique Christmas gifts. One Monday morning, the men on the team ministered to the boys of a local corrections facility. That afternoon we were back in the mall sitting at a very upscale coffee shop known as Mugg & Bean. However, today’s quest wasn’t to find stocking stuffers. Instead, our leader Merv had a reminder for us.

After we had finished our lattes and milkshakes, cappuccinos and Americanos, Merv spoke to the men. He told us that in his life and in the lives of the other South Africans of the team, the impact of Americans, the impact of men, stooping down and spending time with the children could not be put into words. He assured us that we would never really know what we had done for them. That our time and sacrifice mattered, that it made a difference; that we had left an impact on the future generation of Cape Town.

That day I ordered a Milo Latte. Milo is a wonderful chocolate that I discovered the first time I

visited South Africa. I brought Milo home and gave it away as Christmas gifts. Unfortunately, a lack of money and lack of space in my suitcase kept me from bringing home Milo for everyone. However, if you are reading this know that your love and sacrifices have mattered, that they have made a difference in my life. Know that you have left an impact on me.

Thank you.

--Serving Him alongside all of you (just from further away)
 --Jesse "Gonzo" Letourneau